Essay Day is Heeeeeeereeee!!!!

[workerbee73]

wicked_sassyhas graciously allowed me to co-host with her today and bring you
ESSAY DAY:  PILOTS PROSE FOR A NEW WAVE OF FANGIRLS (and boys).

What awaits you:

Essays.  Haiku.  Malarkey.  The Shipper Nation Make-A-Wish Foundation.

For those of you who have prepared essays beforehand:
First off, gold star for you!!!  Way to prepare ahead.  Now….
     1.     Go forth

Comments

Why Pilots Are My OTP aka Why Nicole Falls In Love With Made Up Characters Instead of Real People

[word_vomity]

Disclaimer: This is all Bee's doing. Anything stupid I say herein is her fault alone. Any flashes of brilliance, however, are all me. Any views expressed that read like the ramblings of a lunatic . . . are probably accurate reflections of my actual character. I reserve the right to completely contradict myself at any given moment as I'm only ever around 50% certain of anything I ever say.

*Ahem*

PILOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the thing about pilots, they reflect everything I want but will never have and likely, shouldn't ever have. They are both so many little pieces of me and as me, I want my separate parts to be together or the world feels even more askew than the world usually feels.

Individually, they are both complex and meaty characters in their own right, but when paired...GOOD GOD! They leap through the screen and electrify my insides like very few things do. They are damaged and scared and tender and cruel and NOTHING is halfway with them. Everything is right there; all the things that people are supposed to feel but never let themselves actually feel, all the ways we hurt each other and fix each other. They reach out of the screen to confirm the most basic of human desires for me, the knowledge that we are not alone; that all communication, no matter how flawed or frail is a glimpse of immortality. And maybe those briefest moments of connection are the only form of immortality that we can touch.

Mostly, they make me believe (in the most vague and intangible way possible) that real love is possible. Even when it doesn't look like most people think that it should. Cuz all the love I've had in my life has been messy and dysfunctional and angsty and raw and terrible and no one has ever understood it from the outside. And then I see pilots and think, “it's OK, these things don't always make sense but it doesn't mean they aren't real.”

And a good friend of mine named Buffy Summers once said, "I know it's nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand-in-hand with pain and fighting." And then she staked a vampire and said, "I wonder where I get that from?” And it always stuck with me. If you love something so deeply that it scares you, you'll often be brought to terrifying places because of that love and fear causes people to act rashly, thoughtlessly, defensively. And so, conflicts are inevitable.

My most recent ex (I swear, this is relevant) would not fight with me. Absolutely never. Not when we disagreed, not when I insulted his sexual prowess, not even when I broke up with him when I suspected him of cheating. He was unflappable despite his fervent declarations of love and loyalty, but he had no fire in him. And if you're not willing to fight for the things you claims to love, can you truly love them? Nope. And guess what? He was cheating.

Part 2

[word_vomity]

Which is why, even though it hurts to watch, I love that pilots fight for/with/against one another. It's proof that their feelings run deeply. Even when the world doesn't notice, understand, or care; how the rest of the world views their relationship is irrelevant to the fact that they are very much connected to one another. More-so than many of the married couples around them. That strikes me particularly hard because I very much despise the idea that for a relationship to be sanctioned as legitimate by those around it, it must be cemented by marriage. Eww! It just rubs me wrong. Love should exist where it exists regardless of its social status. I hate the belief that spouses are more than fiances who are more than boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. It's insulting. And as someone who's never much felt that drive towards marriage that everyone else seems to feel, this resonates for me. Pilots don't need all that external junk to love each other. Hell, half the time they don't even need words. They are so in synch that looks and touches speak for them more than any dialogue ever could. More often than not, what they don't say to one another matter much more than what they do. I love that. It feels so real. So honest. If I'm being truthful, frakked up people just make more sense to me and always have. I feel a kinship with them like we're eternally bound together in some cosmic joke that somehow never stops being funny. Plus, broken people are just so much more interesting to be around. Truly, I speak from experience. People who've got their lives together are are mostly real yawners in my experience. Give me the rejects of humanity! They got the stories I wanna hear. They got the ideas in want in on and the cajones to make questionable decisions based on those questionable ideas.

So, do I love them because they hurt me? Def. Am I a masochist for this frakked up love/hate amalgamation which is pilots? Yup. Do they call to me as a fellow member of their misanthropic, damaged tribe? Totes. Should this worry me? Probably. Am I just making up questions at this point because my brain stopped paying attention to this little essay about 3 paragraphs ago and I've now forgotten my point? … umm, I'd prefer not to answer that question madame prosecutor.

But honestly, if it was just all hurt with these two I would certainly not still carry my fannish torch, but it's not. Because when they eventually both stop pushing for even a moment, we get the most glorious glimpses into how beautiful they can be with one another and it sends away all the pain ever. And maybe who needs a lifetime of alright when you can have moments of bliss like that?

In the end, theirs was a journey worth traveling and it touched the deep places in my cold, cold heart in unexpected and wonderful ways that no other pairing ever has. Plus, they are so, so insanely hot that it is just not even fair. Talk about fishing with dynamite! Yes, I am this shallow.

Yeah, it's late and my brain is getting cracky so let me just leave you with this little gem to gnaw on. Like Rhianna once said, “We found love in a hopeless place.” Our pilots did that and it is amazing. And that, my peeps, makes my own hopeless place a little less hopeless. And that means that my life is better for having known them be they fictional characters or not.

So cheers to pilot!love in all it's terrible and transcendent forms. Pilots foreva yo!

Re: Part 2

[workerbee73]

Do they call to me as a fellow member of their misanthropic, damaged tribe? Totes. Should this worry me? Probably.

**cracks up and nods**

when they eventually both stop pushing for even a moment, we get the most glorious glimpses into how beautiful they can be with one another and it sends away all the pain ever. And maybe who needs a lifetime of alright when you can have moments of bliss like that?

YES. SO MUCH YES TO THIS.

Re: Part 2

[word_vomity]

Thanks girl! Now I forgive you for forcing (yes, physically FORCING) me to do it. ;P

(even though, as an employee of a diversity office, today IS the busiest day of the year)

Now about this wish...

Let me chug this Red Bull and brainstorm a bit. I shall return.

Re: Part 2

[word_vomity]

Dude, just be glad you didn't get a Pat Benatar reference! Lol! Cuz pilot!love IS a battlefield, my dear! And my ipod has been on 80's power ballads a lot lately.

You know the best part of having 'regular' people in your life though? Fucking with them mercilessly. It's just so much fun to make them get that shocked/confused expression of 'wtf is wrong with this girl and how do I get away from her pronto!?' I get drunk on the power of it. :D

Re: Part 2

[anamarya]

So, do I love them because they hurt me? Def. Am I a masochist for this frakked up love/hate amalgamation which is pilots? Yup. Do they call to me as a fellow member of their misanthropic, damaged tribe? Totes. Should this worry me? Probably. Am I just making up questions at this point because my brain stopped paying attention to this little essay about 3 paragraphs ago and I've now forgotten my point? … umm, I'd prefer not to answer that question madame prosecutor.

OMGs - that resembles so much a lot of what I usually feel about them so well. especially the last part. and I like the fact that you wrote this as a ramble.

Re: Part 2

[word_vomity]

Rambles are my specialty. :D

Cogent, well thought-out, verifiable, fact driven explanations...not so much.

*plugs ears to keep sense at bay*

Re: Part 2

[anamarya]

*plugs ears to keep sense at bay*

*joins you in doing that*

Re: Part 2

[scifishipper]

Because when they eventually both stop pushing for even a moment, we get the most glorious glimpses into how beautiful they can be with one another and it sends away all the pain ever.

In the end, this is why. Lovely! <3

Re: Part 2

[word_vomity]

thanks bb!

Re: Part 2

[useyourlove]

This is all beautiful and wonderful and ridiculous and I love you. I was just discussing w/ a friend last night "I like the damaged ones cuz I'm just as screwed up!" and we got in a fight about how it's impossible for me to be screwed up. And I was like "...........rly? Wtf?" My counter-example was "you're not screwed up and you ship Adama/Roslin!" which finally made her say "ok yeah."

Sooo now that I know that there's at least one other person out there who loves them because there is a serious overidentification going on, I do not feel so crazy! Hurraaaaay!

Just... just yes to all of this. To everything you've written. *runs away before she grows more incoherent*

Re: Part 2

[word_vomity]

Lol I don't know that you HAVE to be screwed up to love them...but it certainly helps! :P

And yes please join me in my overidentifying! It helps me feel less crazy.

Re: Part 2

[useyourlove]

You certainly don't have to be (as the nice well-adjusted people here can attest to). But I think it's like a predisposition to fall for them if you're screwed up too. Wooot. *h5*

K, I'm running back to my internet isolation again. *runs away*

Re: Part 2

[word_vomity]

Quit running away! It makes it harder to stalk you! :)

Re: Part 2

[winegums]

Individually, they are both complex and meaty characters in their own right, but when paired...GOOD GOD!

My reaction exactly. SO MUCH GOODNESS IN THIS, I will come back tomorrow so I can squee properly:)