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Trapped... kdbleu October 19 2011, 20:27:34 UTC
Trapped…

Never before in her life has Kara Thrace wanted to forgo drugs so much as she does while staring up at the bunk above her. Not that she could fly because she can’t frakking touch anything. Her hands hurt just resting. She literally can’t imagine how they would feel if she were gripping the throttle of her viper. Her palms throb just thinking about it. Kara rolls over and checks to see how long it is until she can take another of Cottle’s pills. She might as well ride the morpha while she waits.

It doesn’t help that Sam is smothering her with quiet support. He’ll do anything she asks so of course what she wants is for him to be as far away as possible without having to be told. The words she said to Dee in the raptor chant threw her head, “She loves Sam. She hates Sam.” He won’t leave her no matter how much she cheats. Flaunting it didn’t help and neither did meaning it. She occupies her afternoon trying to figure out how Sam’s love can feel so much like being cornered.

Lee on the other hand doesn’t show his face. Kara hears him from the other side of her privacy curtain. She can indentify his footfall anywhere. He paces the length of her bunk and walks out. She hates him too, but tears well up in her eyes when he leaves without a word again. Her heart clenches in time with the pulse of the pain to her hands until she can hardly breathe. She takes another morpha pill regardless of the time and hopes for a little peace.

In her restless dreams the swirling colors find her. Not that they aren’t always with her, but right now, they might as well be tattooed on the inside of her eyelids. Karl bringing them up, finding her pictures, connecting her own private storm to the Temple of the Five and the cylons, makes them something different. She wakes up shaking and sweating. The red and yellow and blue begin to feel like a way out, real and permanent. Even if she doesn't understand how or why.

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Re: Trapped... sugarhaven October 19 2011, 22:01:58 UTC
Beautifully written. Given that Kara was dealing with the trauma of her injury, the lingering effects of Leoben's brainwashing, the unresolved situation with Lee and the inability to get out of the situation with Sam, I am no longer surprised that she was feeling so burnt out in Maelstrom.

"She occupies her afternoon trying to figure out how Sam’s love can feel so much like being cornered."
Loved that line.

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Re: Trapped... kdbleu October 19 2011, 23:33:41 UTC
I've been thinking about this section of story quite a bit lately. It's one of the places where the lack of canon details and motivation really gives me fits. Nothing feels resolved between the algae planet and Maelstrom, just put on hold, and I don't think Lee is the only thing making Kara feel trapped. :(

Glad it worked for you. :D

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Re: Trapped... winegums October 19 2011, 23:09:27 UTC
lovely, and so sad :(

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Re: Trapped... kdbleu October 19 2011, 23:34:06 UTC
Thank you. It is sad, no gettin' around it.

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Re: Trapped... scifishipper October 20 2011, 00:30:48 UTC
So sad that Lee didn't go to her, set himself up in a decision that he couldn't take back. :(

Lovely!

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Re: Trapped... kdbleu October 20 2011, 00:44:17 UTC
Lee is like that sometimes. Sometimes even when one intends for him to do something different. ;)

Thanks.

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Re: Trapped... witherwings October 20 2011, 12:12:38 UTC
The red and yellow and blue begin to feel like a way out, real and permanent. Even if she doesn't understand how or why.

Oh! So achey and beautiful. You've really hit it out of the park here. Thank you ♥

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Re: Trapped... kdbleu October 20 2011, 14:44:36 UTC
Aw, thank you. I'm not always a huge fan of writing (I mean me writing) Kara in pain, but the arc that gets to Kara to Maelstrom has been on my mind lately. Glad you liked. :)

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