(no subject)
lately i've been feeling my emotions run into each other like one large pile-up on the interstate. im afraid of playing games, but im afraid of being too honest too. i don't want to dive in and i don't know if i can ever just let go of myself enough to enjoy the present instead of worry about the future. knowing this about myself, it makes me feel like i can't be much fun to be involved with. im sorry to all i can't invest everything in, i hope you guys know i love you. i can't open up because i feel like it's a bad idea. its hard for me to voice fears and pain, because my biggest fear is having those soft spots used against me. as i have experienced with most i've been vulnerable to. sometimes it's easier to bear my crosses by myself than to think about other people knowing the weight.