Sarah Blasko on a Sunday night.
Before I move into the actualy "Entry" part of my journal I just want to say one thing. FUCK YOU LAPTOP, you've gotten very slow lately and I don't appreciate that, it takes you a good 5 minutes to finish loading up when I turn you and if I try to do more than one thing at one time your little laptop brain just goes "I can't let you do that Isaac" and goes all fcuked on me.
Now that that's been established.
I was sitting on my room before, having a smoke as has become my little late night ritual and I found myself getting very philosphical about what I could see from my room. On Murdoch drive which is the street next to my house there's a streetlamp that's always on the fritz. It turns on as a white light, then warms up after a wall and turns orange and then it goes out, then alittle bit later it turns back on, I imagine it does this the entire time it's on because I've never seen it always off or always on. Being the philosphical mood I was in I found it a to be like a metaphor for life. We're born bright and pure (white light) and then we slowly change, develop, become a little less pure but at the end of it we still shine (orange light) and then we go out and die, only to begin it all again next time we're born. Yes, i'm a believer in reincarnation, maybe it's my indian heritage or maybe it's just how I see things but I saw that street light encapsulating the essence of life in just over a minute.
Then I looked up into the sky and I saw a little star shining, surrounding by clouds from the lightning storm we're having because it's summer and nature is cruel and gives us the illusion we're going to have rain when all it really does it shower us with lightning that sets things on fire, making it more hot and smokey smelling, anyway, back to my point. I saw that star and I realised that soon the clouds would move over it and I wouldn't be able to see it anyway. I saw this as a metaphor to (my my my, nature is rife with metaphors isn't it? Now I know why poets always use them.). I saw that star in the sky as someone's life, the star is always shining, it's always burning bright but occaisonally it gets clouded over, but it always keep shining. I realised, while occaisonally ducking my head back into my room to watch Erin Brockovich, that that's how I want to live my life. I want to always remember the fact that i'm always shining, no matter what comes my way to hide that fact. I found it very empowering to see that little star, to know that no matter how bright that star shines there's always another star out there that shines brighter, but that brighter star is going to get covered up one day to.
I went back inside, remembered some beautiful music I heard on leavers and just remembered what it was like being on Molloy Island, pretty much cut off from modern society, just us, in a little house, in the middle of an island, in the middle of a river with no one to talk to but each other. I remember everyone on leavers thinking I was very grumpy and moody on leavers but I understand now why I was like that. I was just so inlove with the seclusion of it all, while Andrew, Justine and Kristy were playing tennis I'd go for a walk in the bush by myself and just love being so alone, so completely alone, not just in a physical sense but in a geographical sense, it was like sensory deprivation and I guess I didn't appreciate someone invading my vast expanse of nothingness.
I really want to go back again, back to that little house, not by myself though, I want to go with people who aren't there for a non stop 24 hour party (and hey, it was leavers, that's what they were entitled to, too bad we chose the most secluded house to stay at), but people who want to just escape, and enjoy being quiet and reading and going for quiet strolls around the bush. It's a different side of me that I don't think I allow to come out much, the quiet part of me. I think I feel that if i'm being quiet then people aren't enjoying my company so I tend to keep talking but when you're that secluded there's no point.
Thank you and Goodnight.
Now that that's been established.
I was sitting on my room before, having a smoke as has become my little late night ritual and I found myself getting very philosphical about what I could see from my room. On Murdoch drive which is the street next to my house there's a streetlamp that's always on the fritz. It turns on as a white light, then warms up after a wall and turns orange and then it goes out, then alittle bit later it turns back on, I imagine it does this the entire time it's on because I've never seen it always off or always on. Being the philosphical mood I was in I found it a to be like a metaphor for life. We're born bright and pure (white light) and then we slowly change, develop, become a little less pure but at the end of it we still shine (orange light) and then we go out and die, only to begin it all again next time we're born. Yes, i'm a believer in reincarnation, maybe it's my indian heritage or maybe it's just how I see things but I saw that street light encapsulating the essence of life in just over a minute.
Then I looked up into the sky and I saw a little star shining, surrounding by clouds from the lightning storm we're having because it's summer and nature is cruel and gives us the illusion we're going to have rain when all it really does it shower us with lightning that sets things on fire, making it more hot and smokey smelling, anyway, back to my point. I saw that star and I realised that soon the clouds would move over it and I wouldn't be able to see it anyway. I saw this as a metaphor to (my my my, nature is rife with metaphors isn't it? Now I know why poets always use them.). I saw that star in the sky as someone's life, the star is always shining, it's always burning bright but occaisonally it gets clouded over, but it always keep shining. I realised, while occaisonally ducking my head back into my room to watch Erin Brockovich, that that's how I want to live my life. I want to always remember the fact that i'm always shining, no matter what comes my way to hide that fact. I found it very empowering to see that little star, to know that no matter how bright that star shines there's always another star out there that shines brighter, but that brighter star is going to get covered up one day to.
I went back inside, remembered some beautiful music I heard on leavers and just remembered what it was like being on Molloy Island, pretty much cut off from modern society, just us, in a little house, in the middle of an island, in the middle of a river with no one to talk to but each other. I remember everyone on leavers thinking I was very grumpy and moody on leavers but I understand now why I was like that. I was just so inlove with the seclusion of it all, while Andrew, Justine and Kristy were playing tennis I'd go for a walk in the bush by myself and just love being so alone, so completely alone, not just in a physical sense but in a geographical sense, it was like sensory deprivation and I guess I didn't appreciate someone invading my vast expanse of nothingness.
I really want to go back again, back to that little house, not by myself though, I want to go with people who aren't there for a non stop 24 hour party (and hey, it was leavers, that's what they were entitled to, too bad we chose the most secluded house to stay at), but people who want to just escape, and enjoy being quiet and reading and going for quiet strolls around the bush. It's a different side of me that I don't think I allow to come out much, the quiet part of me. I think I feel that if i'm being quiet then people aren't enjoying my company so I tend to keep talking but when you're that secluded there's no point.
Thank you and Goodnight.