I know, a non photo or work post, i'm scared to.
While I do actually have some photos I didn't want to become predictable and just have all of my posts being dedications to the coolness of me... I think i'll take a break and talk about something else....But on second thought i think I'll stick in one photo, at the end, displaying the crapness of my desktop computer.
So there's a boy, and we hook up once a week, very regular like... he drives to my house, we talk (or at least feign conversation), he talks about his problems, I smile and nod and put on this caring but "do me" kinda act and we make out until he wants to take me back to his car where we excahnge blowjobs.
It's a good arrangement i suppose, he buys me cigarettes, talks about the music he likes and we pretty much have a good time... But i feel so empty when i'm with him. It's like i'm not even myself, i'm this other person who's just their to please this other person. I'm just this smiling, kissing, sucking blow up doll. I haven't told him this but both times we've hooked up i've felt physically ill afterwards, I threw up the first time probably because i'd had something to drink before he picked me up but the second time i just felt naseus(sp?).
I really wish i didn't feel so bad afterwards because I want to enjoy myself. The first time was this amazingly romantic, spontaneous thing that happened and i was just like...shocked.. I suppose the shock and surprise of it has gone... But i know i'm going to keep seeing him.. It's so pathetic of me but all he talks about is how there's this guy at uni that he likes and all the stuff he tells me about him makes me think that this guy is WAY too wrong for my friend...but i don't want to say that incase he thinks that means I want to date him. I actually don't, he's got to much baggage and i don't want to carry it around for him, i'm content being his whore...for now I guess..
Oh hey, look, no photo... bet you didn't see that one coming.
So there's a boy, and we hook up once a week, very regular like... he drives to my house, we talk (or at least feign conversation), he talks about his problems, I smile and nod and put on this caring but "do me" kinda act and we make out until he wants to take me back to his car where we excahnge blowjobs.
It's a good arrangement i suppose, he buys me cigarettes, talks about the music he likes and we pretty much have a good time... But i feel so empty when i'm with him. It's like i'm not even myself, i'm this other person who's just their to please this other person. I'm just this smiling, kissing, sucking blow up doll. I haven't told him this but both times we've hooked up i've felt physically ill afterwards, I threw up the first time probably because i'd had something to drink before he picked me up but the second time i just felt naseus(sp?).
I really wish i didn't feel so bad afterwards because I want to enjoy myself. The first time was this amazingly romantic, spontaneous thing that happened and i was just like...shocked.. I suppose the shock and surprise of it has gone... But i know i'm going to keep seeing him.. It's so pathetic of me but all he talks about is how there's this guy at uni that he likes and all the stuff he tells me about him makes me think that this guy is WAY too wrong for my friend...but i don't want to say that incase he thinks that means I want to date him. I actually don't, he's got to much baggage and i don't want to carry it around for him, i'm content being his whore...for now I guess..
Oh hey, look, no photo... bet you didn't see that one coming.