After taking Kadaj out for waffles which will happen, if we have to handwave the whole thing, Tim goes back home and thinks about tidying the place up a bit. He doesn't really want to make the bed, not yet, cause apparently he is a thirteen year old girl, but some things need cleaning and now is as good a time as any
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Sex would be good. And maybe she'd find Loz later, because unlike her Darkness he didn't need anything from her except to touch what was real and raw and honest between them.
Tim. She'd felt him, her Reason, tugging on her since early this morning. She'd felt him in a way she hadn't felt...anyone...since before she Fell for certain, before Linda, who knew? That time confused her so much. She needed to talk to Aziraphale again too. Find out who Liandra was.
Tim. She needed Tim. Or he needed her. Or... did it even matter?
When she came to rest outside his window, she tucked in her wings. She'd tell him, show him, but not yet. Not until what had broken between them was fixed.
A soft rap on the window pane. Tentative. Would he even want to see her?
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"Hey," he says, opening it and standing aside, "You want to come in?"
What do you say to the person you least want to hurt after you do just that? What could he say?
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"Yeah." She ducked in and settled just within arm's reach, respecting his space without being distant. "I felt you. So I came."
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"Don't," he tells her, sitting down on his bed, "Don't just forgive me. Make me apologize, make me earn it. Don't ever let me treat you like you aren't important, aren't good enough. Please. I... I don't ever want to make you feel like that okay?" he watches her, eyes pleading, before looking away.
"Those things I said to you," he says, "I didn't mean them. I couldn't. You... this," and he points between them, indicating both of them, "this means a lot to me. I couldn't really explain it. Just... I need you,"
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She sat beside him, and spoke quietly. "I'm not him. You don't have to earn my forgiveness. It wasn't you saying those things, Tim. Not really." God this was hard. "I should've told you about him, warned you, but I didn't think he'd touch something of... someone I..."
Fuck. So complicated. "Tim, there's so much I need to tell you I don't even know where to start. But I guess I'll start with the most important thing."
A long, steadying breath, and then, "I'm not just an angel. Or even just a fallen angel. I'm your angel. I'm here in this city for you." I love you.
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He can't be trusted to treat Lee properly. Whatever it was last night that made him say those things... and god, he did that to Lee. He treated her exactly like Bruce treated him. Dismissing her and calling her... he was just as bad as Bruce.
"Please Lee," he says, reaching out to touch her, "Don't let me do that to you again."
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"It's my choice, little bird." So softly. It wasn't a nickname anymore, not a taunt, just an endearment. "I have free will, even in whether I am your Guardian or not. It's not a burden, or a matter of ownership. It's a Purpose."
Inspiration. "Just like you have a Purpose. A Cause. It's who I am. What I am. I don't want to do differently." God, how did she explain that he'd given her back so much that she thought she'd never feel again. "...I haven't had this since Before."
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"Just... just don't let me make you regret it, okay?" he asks, looking up at her, eyes meeting hers and he isn't going to cry, he isn't, "Never let me make you feel like I don't appreciate. Never let me treat you like I don't care."
He reaches his other hand out to touch her cheek, "Having you, having this... it means so much to me, I'd hate myself if I ruined it."
He won't be like Bruce, he won't do to some one else what's been done to him.
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She reached up to touch her cheek and her fingers came away wet.
Tears. Golden, shimmering tears.
Wordless, she smiled through them at the incredibly sweet, wonderful, brave man who dared to love a fallen angel enough to not want her to regret loving him.
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He leans forward, pressing his lips to each of her eyelids, hoping to kiss the tears away before resting his cheek against hers, "I swear Lee, if you make me cry I'll be mad... really mad."
He hasn't cried since his father died, since Bruce held him close and confirmed him into his future wearing the mantle of the Bat, but seeing Lee cry, it makes something deep in his stomach knot painfully.
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"Sorry. It's...been a long night." Lame, L. "I, uh..." How did she even explain this to him?
Standing, she moved away from the bed. Paced. Tears streaming down her cheeks and clothes feeling three sizes too small. The room feeling too small, and too big all at once. Like if she could just curl up into a little ball it would all be right, better. Or if she could go fly away.
But this was Tim and she needed to explain. Nodding once, decisively, she did as she had with Anita. Unbuttoned her shirt and let it fall to the floor. Unlike her 'S' costume had been, it wouldn't withstand her wing-flare.
When she stood in front of him, bare from the waist up, she tried to catch his gaze. "Need to show you something."
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"You know Lee," he says, looking at the wall, "I think, maybe we should not do naked type things together. Cause, I mean, see I'm seeing some one and... I wouldn't want to mess it up, you know? Cause he's really awesome and... did I mention that he was my boyfriend?"
She had to put them away, because he was only 16 and a 16 year old boy could only not look for so long. Because really, if he hadn't illustrated the point well enough... fantastic breasts.
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"Little bird, some day, maybe, we'll do 'naked type things'. But I think my roster of naked-type things people is plenty full enough without complicating this between us."
She didn't bother to contemplate the weirdness of telling him that they might have sex someday. He was her Bat. As well as her Reason. And if she wasn't an 'S' anymore, she still stood in the place of his 'S'. Likely, they would have sex someday. It just happened. But it wasn't something to think on.
"Besides. Kadaj is..." Uh. Complicated. Explaining Loz and Kadaj and... Complicated. "Someone who matters."
Now or never. So she closed her eyes and let the Chaos come. Felt her wings flare and spread. So new still. Their presence. She couldn't quite believe they were back. Each time she spread them, a frisson of panick washed over her that they might not be there again. But there they were. "Tim. Look at me."
Her eyes blazed blue with angelic fire, to compliment the Chaos-fire of her wings. Not a naked human woman, but an angel, even a fallen one, in her natural state. Except the jeans, but she didn't want to traumatize him.
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He'd seen them, she'd told him how to look for them. it was practically permission. And it hadn't taken long, one evening of perusing the files had offered up picture after picture of Linda Danvers and her wings of flame. From hi-resolution to grainy ameteur photos, all meticulously cataloged. And all of them Lee.
And sure, she'd looked lovely in all of them, but... different. She'd looked lighter, as if she had less of a weight on her shoulders. This... this is so much better.
Because this was his Lee, full of her pain and the harshness that had shaped her. Only... there's something in her face, an absence of the tightness he always sees there. It's worth more, like this. Seeing her, full of joy when her life has been so much without it before.
"Wow," is what he ends up saying, standing up, "You look... wow."
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Still. It meant a lot to her that he accepted it. Accepted her. "Thanks," she said softly, meaning it. "They came back. Last night...during the magic. I never... It was bad. What happened. But I got them back. And..."
Suddenly she was crying again, really crying because her wings and Tim and Doyle and C and Anita and the magic and... she held out her arms to him because God... "Might need you too."
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His fingers brush over her shoulders and back, the skin there softer than any he's ever touched and... he shouldn't be surprised, she's an Angel after all.
"Are you okay?" he asks, "I mean... did it hurt. That's such a stupid question. Is it all okay though? It isn't... it's not a reminder or something bad? You're beautiful you know. You look so beautiful right now. If there's something wrong let me make it better... anything you need. I'll help you."
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