Wallpaper: Dean - Fake smile
I can't forget Dean's fake smile. It still upsets me, scares me, hurts me. This advice came from strangers (Eliot Ness and Frank Deveraux) who couldn't even begin to know the pain and tragedy of Dean's life. It still feels so wrong. So I probably needed to process it by making just another wallpaper
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When I read what you wrote I felt like Dean IS right now how you described he would be like if he broke down (is that sentence even English?!). There have been two scenes in the last two episodes when Dean was just staring at what was happening before his eyes- unable to move, paralyzed, and Sam was the one to step into action. One time when the kid stabbed that woman and Sam killed the second one, and the other time while Chronos got stabbed by Sam. Dean wasn't functioning anymore, he was watching, his reflexes as a hunter switched off. And his expression was so stunned! And I thought that maybe that is a sign of his inner demise and also of his alcohol abuse. - Just like you I don't want Dean to run around as a sobbing mess (that's my part after all). What I wish for is just one moment of truth- and the problem is that would have to be with Sam, and like you pointed out, Dean knows damn well that Sam has Hell on his mind. So he can't have that.
HA!!! And here I found my explanation as to why the writers denied Dean this moment- Sam is wonderful, he is so unbelievingly strong and indeed my hero. But also his state is so fragile that Dean doesn't dare to poke at it. Just one day after the other, and therefore the smile is fitting in way... Thank you, Ash. This is what I meant- discussions are great. XD
Still I want Dean to find some sort of peace, time to catch his breath and actually deal with what happened. But so does Sam, and I don't think his coping mechanism will work much longer. (When Dean disappeared with Chronos in the alley, I thought that Sam must have had a hard time figuring out if this was real or not... but probably his hallucinations are limited to apparitions of Lucifer?!)
I love that you thought about what Dean's breaking would be like! I agree on the drinking. And though I can't stand drunk people around me in real life, I have such a soft spot for Dean's drinking... is that co-dependence?! - And yes, what I wish for and what I imagine as the turning point is like the car scene when Dean told Sam about hell. (Because I still am so very upset about the way Jensen cried. It was cruel to watch and so well done!) And after the sea of tears, he can stand up and face the world again. Too easy? But then Dean has always hated to have to keep secrets from Sammy, and being able to tell the truth might really have healing powers for him...
And I swear I am no gloomy person. I enjoy life. Well, mostly. *gg* I'm just an emotion junkie, and that's why SPN got me in the first place.
My hubby (!!!) just found out how I can use HULU. So... I might be able to watch after all!! Oh the joy... :-)
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