(no subject)

[no_one_does]

so one may ask what have i done this weekend? well probably no one will ask because no one really cares. but oh well. you see this is what happened. last weekend i did something i totally regret. i dont even want to talk about it. well anyway. this weekend, i asked nick for a favor to get me out of this situation i got myself into last weekend. but i didnt tell nick of this situation because i didnt want him to be dissapointed in me. for once i wanted to feel like i didnt let someone down. i just hated for him to think that i let him down, again. he's been the best of friends to me, even though all we've been through and i hated to think i let him down. but i was going to tell him. i really was. but instead, everyone else got to him first. they told him what i should have. and the worst part about it was that it was horrible to hear. it must have been. i cant even think if it had been the situation reversed. im a horrible person. and now he's not talking to me. no one realizes the things i have done to keep this person in my life. i dont even know if he does. but it kills me, honestly kills me, to think i did this myself. i just cut out the most important person in the whole world to me. i dont know if he's going to stay mad at me forever, or just a while, but im sure not letting it go easy. although, on the otherhand, i wish so much that none of this happened and we were ok. not even great. just ok. at least not what we are now. i honestly have no one to talk to anymore. he was the only person that even cared to listen. and the fact that i did this myself. not only did he listen, but he cared, gave me advice, helped me through everything, and i wasnt afraid to turn to him for anything. now, i dont know. im still not, but he probably wouldnt even answer. i deserve what ever happens now. i cant believe i did this myself. and i know secrets dont make friends. ive never kept a secret from him before. and i wasnt planning to. its just, thats how everything worked out. if you're reading this, im sorry that i didnt tell you before everyone else did. i know that must hurt more than anything. i mean, you may have been a little dissapointed in me because of it, but not like this. i would have told you. i really would. im so sorry that i never. i was afraid to. i was ashamed to. im sorry. please talk to me.

Megan