i just want to die in your arms tonight

[no_moregoodbyes]

I've spent months avoiding him to avoid a relapse. I know I make it sound like he's a drug, but that's not what I mean. I kept worrying that my feelings for him would turn back to those of love, those feelings that I knew I couldn't have again, at least not while I was still in college. And I succeeded; I was able to be with him, hug him, kiss him, and not feel the emotions that used to overpower me. What I didn't consider was his feelings. I didn't consider the effect me being around would have on him. I never wanted it to be this way. I didn't want to be the heartbreaker again, but it seems that that is what it has come to.

Maybe I'm heartless, because I choose to not let myself love again--not now. Maybe I'm cruel, because I can walk with my head held high, knowing that there are others hurting because of my actions. Maybe I'm the villain in my own story. And maybe I need to take note of this line between friendship and romance, because I'm afraid to see the consequences of my actions.