Advice for Picking Up Ladies of Negotiable Virtue
The ones who approach you first are desperate. Look upon them with respectful wariness, and ponder why.
The ones who offer to take you home for free may be doing so from sheer patriotism, but not from sheer adulation of your specific person. Keep this in mind, and consider the worth of their favours divided by the number of men who serve in the armies of ourselves and our allies.
Having located your fair frail, offer to take her for a walk first. If, as is likely, you became acquainted in a café bar, offer to politely walk her home. If she immediately grabs you by the trouser front, it is advised that you beg leave to use the restroom first. Take advantage of this respite to crawl out the window. If, however, she takes your arm and strolls out into the night before making obvious your shared intention, take a moment to observe her gait. Any signs of stilting, bowleggedness or discomfort should be a warning sign. In such a case, gallantly escort her to her door, and then take leave like a gentleman.
It is never too late to slip out and take matters into your own hands. If, upon recourse to private apartments, her virtues turn out to be unexpectedly tainted, it is not required that you follow through with the action.
A sliding scale is usual, with payment expected commensurate to favour granted, but don't let them bilk you out of so much as a ha'penny if you don't at least get to touch a bosom. [A note scribbled in the margin here adds: "Just ask Art."] Doe eyes and a glimpse of ankle are a privilege, not a paid entertainment.
It is generally considered Bad Form to include the cost of any beverages you may have plied her with as part of your expenditure when negotiating payment.
Under no circumstances should you allow your own weariness or the lady's insistence to lull you into spending the night in her accomodations. Always return to your own billet alone, and it is highly recommended that you perform a standard check of "spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" before parting company with the lady under any condition.
Apply to the medics at the first hint of anything untoward resulting from your leave time. If you leave it alone it might go away, in the sense of literally falling off. This would be highly mortifying to you, and would leave me with one less man to hold the line.
The ones who offer to take you home for free may be doing so from sheer patriotism, but not from sheer adulation of your specific person. Keep this in mind, and consider the worth of their favours divided by the number of men who serve in the armies of ourselves and our allies.
Having located your fair frail, offer to take her for a walk first. If, as is likely, you became acquainted in a café bar, offer to politely walk her home. If she immediately grabs you by the trouser front, it is advised that you beg leave to use the restroom first. Take advantage of this respite to crawl out the window. If, however, she takes your arm and strolls out into the night before making obvious your shared intention, take a moment to observe her gait. Any signs of stilting, bowleggedness or discomfort should be a warning sign. In such a case, gallantly escort her to her door, and then take leave like a gentleman.
It is never too late to slip out and take matters into your own hands. If, upon recourse to private apartments, her virtues turn out to be unexpectedly tainted, it is not required that you follow through with the action.
A sliding scale is usual, with payment expected commensurate to favour granted, but don't let them bilk you out of so much as a ha'penny if you don't at least get to touch a bosom. [A note scribbled in the margin here adds: "Just ask Art."] Doe eyes and a glimpse of ankle are a privilege, not a paid entertainment.
It is generally considered Bad Form to include the cost of any beverages you may have plied her with as part of your expenditure when negotiating payment.
Under no circumstances should you allow your own weariness or the lady's insistence to lull you into spending the night in her accomodations. Always return to your own billet alone, and it is highly recommended that you perform a standard check of "spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" before parting company with the lady under any condition.
Apply to the medics at the first hint of anything untoward resulting from your leave time. If you leave it alone it might go away, in the sense of literally falling off. This would be highly mortifying to you, and would leave me with one less man to hold the line.