In which I explain cricket
Now, the basics of cricket are quite simple. There are two Wicket Gates, which are constructed by hammering three croquet mallets into the ground and balancing two more sticks atop them so as to form a sort of very squared-off M shape; the bowler - so called because he wears a brown derby; he performs the part of the pitcher in the game - stands at one of them, and the batsman stands at the other. The batsman is assisted by a young lad called the robin, whose job it is to bring out the proper paddle for the batsman at the proper time, depending upon what type of pitch the bowler announces beforehand. This is where the sporting rules of England differ from those of America; for in American baseball, of course, the pitcher seeks to surprise the batter in a highly ungentlemanly manner, whereas in cricket, everything is carried out politely.
The bowler announces his pitch, the robin brings the paddle, and the batsman strikes. If the batsman misses and the bowler knocks the wicket down, then the batsman is out, and must perform a Penalty Dance, with the number of points assigned to the bowler's team being determined by the judges' opinion of the dance - the better he dances, you see, the fewer points his team will lose, and so there's a great deal of impetus for the development of attractive steps and styles.
If, however, the batsman manages to connect with the ball - which is called a widgeon - he then proceeds to run back and forth between the two sets of wickets, scoring a point for each time he manages the complete circuit, and an extra ten for each fifth lap. The rest of the bowler's team, in the offsides - the equivalent of baseball's outfield - need to find the widgeon, catch it, and tap the batsman out to end his run.
The offsides consist of four chaps called the Left Needle, Right Needle, Half-Penny and Farthing, with the Needles being nearest to the wickets, Half-Penny being just about midfield and keeping to the center, and Farthing covering the rear of the field on the off-chance that the widgeon will be propelled out that way. It is not unusual for Farthings to spend entire matches sitting down; in fact they are supplied with stools for that express purpose, and at formal matches they serve double-duty by protecting the catering table from the predations of wildlife and street urchins.
This secondary function of the Farthing is required by the sheer length of a formal match. While a pickup game may be played only to 100 points, formal matches are three days long, played in two-hour shifts from ten o'clock until noon, breaking for lunch, playing again from two o'clock until four, breaking for tea, playing one more time from five-thirty until seven-thirty, and then breaking again to resume the next morning.
The best-known of the cricket matches is called the Ashes, because the prize is an urn containing the cremated remains of King Arthur, the inventor of the sport.
I attempted to deliver this explanation to Cuddles, but he wandered off in the middle; so I consign it to text, because really it's far too important a subject to leave completely unstated. (I, of course, played Left Needle at St Swithington's, although I did not make the team at Eton.)
The bowler announces his pitch, the robin brings the paddle, and the batsman strikes. If the batsman misses and the bowler knocks the wicket down, then the batsman is out, and must perform a Penalty Dance, with the number of points assigned to the bowler's team being determined by the judges' opinion of the dance - the better he dances, you see, the fewer points his team will lose, and so there's a great deal of impetus for the development of attractive steps and styles.
If, however, the batsman manages to connect with the ball - which is called a widgeon - he then proceeds to run back and forth between the two sets of wickets, scoring a point for each time he manages the complete circuit, and an extra ten for each fifth lap. The rest of the bowler's team, in the offsides - the equivalent of baseball's outfield - need to find the widgeon, catch it, and tap the batsman out to end his run.
The offsides consist of four chaps called the Left Needle, Right Needle, Half-Penny and Farthing, with the Needles being nearest to the wickets, Half-Penny being just about midfield and keeping to the center, and Farthing covering the rear of the field on the off-chance that the widgeon will be propelled out that way. It is not unusual for Farthings to spend entire matches sitting down; in fact they are supplied with stools for that express purpose, and at formal matches they serve double-duty by protecting the catering table from the predations of wildlife and street urchins.
This secondary function of the Farthing is required by the sheer length of a formal match. While a pickup game may be played only to 100 points, formal matches are three days long, played in two-hour shifts from ten o'clock until noon, breaking for lunch, playing again from two o'clock until four, breaking for tea, playing one more time from five-thirty until seven-thirty, and then breaking again to resume the next morning.
The best-known of the cricket matches is called the Ashes, because the prize is an urn containing the cremated remains of King Arthur, the inventor of the sport.
I attempted to deliver this explanation to Cuddles, but he wandered off in the middle; so I consign it to text, because really it's far too important a subject to leave completely unstated. (I, of course, played Left Needle at St Swithington's, although I did not make the team at Eton.)