(no subject)
It's a hard decision to make. To come back or to not come back. I did the trusty method of a pros and cons list. A few factors have gone into this decision such as my happiness, monetary value of the education I'm recieving here and whether or not I want to have the careers they prepare me for here at Wheelock. There are a few things that have a strong hold on my here like my two best friends here and some of the faculty like Sarah and Janine. But I've reached an age where I must make decisions for myself. I can no longer look to my peers who I had spent years with to see what they were doing and if I wanted to do that too. I need to make decisions that are impacting the rest of my life and my current state of mind. I can't let other people's opinions influence these life-altering decisions. I hate the fact that I feel like some big failure. I was so excited to come here. I guess everything is a learning experience and I did get to live in Boston and spend embarrassing amounts of money. I know that everyone is suppose to make mistakes in life, but I wanted this to work out. I didn't want to have to apply to schools all over again. I want to explore my options. I want a bigger school with a choir and maybe a party once in awhile. I want a typical college experience. I feel like my whole life has been determined and I've just floated along and for the first few months I was here that's what I thought. I decided to go here and that's just what I'll do, but was I was ignoring was how unhappy this place makes me. I want to cry every time I leave home to come back to school. I never realized how much of a family girl I was until I started having to leave them to go to the new place that I call "home". Over the dinner table last night I started getting in my mom's face because Sabrina has some developmental disability and since no one is specialized in east lyme to figure out what's wrong with her and how she learns best I told my mom she needs to do her own research. I mean I was passionate about that like I used to be passionate about Wheelock and my future career, but when it comes down to it this place does not empower me. And it hurts to picture myself here for four years and leaving with a degree, a permenant migrane and thousands of dollars in debt. My solution is to not return. My next challenge is to find that college where I can grown and I will be happy. that doesn't sound so complicated...