(no subject)
I have to write one paper. One long research paper and then I'm homefree. If only I could just start the stupid paper. I'm excited about it too. I'm excited to write it because I'm passionate about it. I'm writing about the trafficking of women through arranged marriages. Through my research I've become shocked and enraged which is are the best conditions for me to write a paper under because I write with passion.
I'm really glad I'm staying here. I'm branching out. I've actually hung out with other girls. And I really like them. Some of the girls here are decent, I just don't think I gave them a chance. It's a lot easier to swear people off than it is to take the time to get to know someone better and make a new friend, but I'm better now. I feel like I've fallen in love all over again with Danielle and Sarah. I know it sounds funny, but it's really how I feel. I'm going to miss those girls so unbelieveably much this summer. At least I only have to miss them for four months as opposed to missing my girls from back home for eight months. Still, it's going to be so hard. Figuring I spend every waking moment with Dani and Sarah.
Wheelock isn't the hell I made it out to be, in fact, I think I was the hell all along. This inner struggle with trying to happy really sucks me in. I changed medications and I guess I'm doing better. It makes me yawn like crazy, but I'm feeling less anti-social and don't want to run away from the world. I figured out that my transferring wouldn't make me happier because I was going to be miserable no matter where I was and a change of atmosphere could not bring me more happiness. The weathers looking up and the Wheelock I fell in love with two years ago is starting to return. The sun rising wakes me up sometimes and I glance at the beautiful orange horizon before I roll over and fall back asleep. I hear the birds and geese all the time which remind me even when I'm not looking out the window that warm weather is here. And with warm weather opens up new oppurtunities for activities including taking school work outside into the sun. Limiting the distractions of my room and laying in the sun is great.
I've come to a revelation. Okay, not really. I've known for years that not everyone is perfect. And Jon and I certainly are no exceptions to that. I feel that I haven't had the need to overly defend my love for him, but I know that there will come a day when I must. Not because I need to convince someone that I love him because as long as Jon knows how much I love him than that's all that matters. But there may be a day where I need to prove to my mother that this is more than just some high school sweethearts love. It's deeper than that. I've found an unmistakable connections where I feel that I can be myself with him and we'll have each other forever to shares our lives with. I think I've put a surreal spin on our relationship when really there's been conflicts. I've yet to make Jon mad and I can't decide how I feel about that. I do know that we've come into the phase of our relationship where it feels real and I feel completely comfortable calling him out on things that upset me or need to be worked on.
Obviously, no relationship is perfect. And I'm glad we've had difficult times. I've established personal rules that I believe have deepened our relationship. One rule I've decided on is that I should never have to run to anyone, but Jon to consult on an issue that's between Jon and I. It's amazing how well a realationship works when you talk about the issues that effect the relationship with the people in the relationship. Sounds simple, but took me a very long time to grow up and make sense of. I think Dr. Phil might have helped a bit with that one. Another rule is honesty. Which again, seems simplictic, but has made us very strong. There's no avoidance of issues, no beating around bushes, just the plain truth.
Each time we've sorted through a issue or situation we've prevailed stronger and with more admiration and respect for one another. It's more than just the love that I have for Jon and the way he makes me feel. He's the one who I want to work through life with. He's not the easiest person I could settle down with and I know that, but I know that both him and I have the patience, love and understanding for one another to sit down and work things out. He's stubborn and although I've never witnessed it, I hear he's got a pretty hot temper. But, I've let him know what I will and will not stand for. And it sounds like a difficult combination when you throw in my stubborness, but he's not only the man I love, but he's the man who I want to debate with about our life together. I have found a patience and an enormous amount of love that I know will aid in him taking the time to stop, understand and resolve with me. I've seen many sides of Jon in the past four months. I've loved some and been torn apart by some, but when all is said and done I want Jon to forever be there next to me in my life.
I'm way excited to go home this weekend. Three weeks feels like forever. I miss everyone. I really miss my Grandma and my mom and my dad...okay I miss everyone. I feel like I value my grandma and my mother so much now a days. It's weird, but I feel like the three of us have reconnected so much and I have missed out on so much. My mother is part time right now and has started to take my grandma grocery shopping once a week and tries to get her to take walks. It reminds me of that small part of me that wanted to go to school around my house to be closer to my family, but I'll be just fine right here.
I'm really glad I'm staying here. I'm branching out. I've actually hung out with other girls. And I really like them. Some of the girls here are decent, I just don't think I gave them a chance. It's a lot easier to swear people off than it is to take the time to get to know someone better and make a new friend, but I'm better now. I feel like I've fallen in love all over again with Danielle and Sarah. I know it sounds funny, but it's really how I feel. I'm going to miss those girls so unbelieveably much this summer. At least I only have to miss them for four months as opposed to missing my girls from back home for eight months. Still, it's going to be so hard. Figuring I spend every waking moment with Dani and Sarah.
Wheelock isn't the hell I made it out to be, in fact, I think I was the hell all along. This inner struggle with trying to happy really sucks me in. I changed medications and I guess I'm doing better. It makes me yawn like crazy, but I'm feeling less anti-social and don't want to run away from the world. I figured out that my transferring wouldn't make me happier because I was going to be miserable no matter where I was and a change of atmosphere could not bring me more happiness. The weathers looking up and the Wheelock I fell in love with two years ago is starting to return. The sun rising wakes me up sometimes and I glance at the beautiful orange horizon before I roll over and fall back asleep. I hear the birds and geese all the time which remind me even when I'm not looking out the window that warm weather is here. And with warm weather opens up new oppurtunities for activities including taking school work outside into the sun. Limiting the distractions of my room and laying in the sun is great.
I've come to a revelation. Okay, not really. I've known for years that not everyone is perfect. And Jon and I certainly are no exceptions to that. I feel that I haven't had the need to overly defend my love for him, but I know that there will come a day when I must. Not because I need to convince someone that I love him because as long as Jon knows how much I love him than that's all that matters. But there may be a day where I need to prove to my mother that this is more than just some high school sweethearts love. It's deeper than that. I've found an unmistakable connections where I feel that I can be myself with him and we'll have each other forever to shares our lives with. I think I've put a surreal spin on our relationship when really there's been conflicts. I've yet to make Jon mad and I can't decide how I feel about that. I do know that we've come into the phase of our relationship where it feels real and I feel completely comfortable calling him out on things that upset me or need to be worked on.
Obviously, no relationship is perfect. And I'm glad we've had difficult times. I've established personal rules that I believe have deepened our relationship. One rule I've decided on is that I should never have to run to anyone, but Jon to consult on an issue that's between Jon and I. It's amazing how well a realationship works when you talk about the issues that effect the relationship with the people in the relationship. Sounds simple, but took me a very long time to grow up and make sense of. I think Dr. Phil might have helped a bit with that one. Another rule is honesty. Which again, seems simplictic, but has made us very strong. There's no avoidance of issues, no beating around bushes, just the plain truth.
Each time we've sorted through a issue or situation we've prevailed stronger and with more admiration and respect for one another. It's more than just the love that I have for Jon and the way he makes me feel. He's the one who I want to work through life with. He's not the easiest person I could settle down with and I know that, but I know that both him and I have the patience, love and understanding for one another to sit down and work things out. He's stubborn and although I've never witnessed it, I hear he's got a pretty hot temper. But, I've let him know what I will and will not stand for. And it sounds like a difficult combination when you throw in my stubborness, but he's not only the man I love, but he's the man who I want to debate with about our life together. I have found a patience and an enormous amount of love that I know will aid in him taking the time to stop, understand and resolve with me. I've seen many sides of Jon in the past four months. I've loved some and been torn apart by some, but when all is said and done I want Jon to forever be there next to me in my life.
I'm way excited to go home this weekend. Three weeks feels like forever. I miss everyone. I really miss my Grandma and my mom and my dad...okay I miss everyone. I feel like I value my grandma and my mother so much now a days. It's weird, but I feel like the three of us have reconnected so much and I have missed out on so much. My mother is part time right now and has started to take my grandma grocery shopping once a week and tries to get her to take walks. It reminds me of that small part of me that wanted to go to school around my house to be closer to my family, but I'll be just fine right here.