Life, and me being ridiculous
So this all started about an hour ago when I started watching the premeire of the MTV reality show- Legally Blonde: the Search For the New Elle Woods. They're looking for a replacement for Laura Bell Bundy, although the winner is chosen by judges and the director and not by audience vote (Thank God).
First off, I was annoyed that I couldn't audition because I'm not 18. Secondly, the girls who were there were pretty good, but the song they sing, "So Much Better", is my favorite song of all-time and I KNOW I could have done just as good a job.
I was okay with the show at first. Kind of annoyed I wasn't there, but whatever. As it kept going, I got increasingly more aware that one of those girls gets to be Elle Woods on Broadway, my dream role. They get to meet Laura Bell Bundy and Jerry Mitchell and Heather Hach and Bernie Telsey and perform on the Palace Theatre stage. They get to star on Broadway with no professional acting training.
At the end of the show, when Laura Bell Bundy appeared and started talking to the top 10, for no reason I started to cry. I guess I realized, in that moment, that this was my dream happening on the TV screen, and another girl is going to get it. My LIFE is Broadway. I eat, sleep and breathe musical theatre, and my Broadway dreams are slowly slipping away from me. I can't even get a lead in a triple cast production at a community theatre, how can I expect to get on Broadway?
Of course, this makes me look ridiculous. If I saw someone watching an MTV reality show crying, I would think they were certifiably insane. And I was, sitting on my couch watching pink-clad, obnoxious reality show girls taking away the biggest dream I've ever had. Of course, now that I'm repeating it to myself it made me cry again, so I look ridiculous for a second time.
I'm not a cryer, in general. I don't cry at funerals (unless I'm really close to the person), or weddings, or anything like that. I only cry when I say goodbye to someone that I know I'll never see again (like the seniors, whose last day was today and also depressed me), and I'll admit I shed a tear during the series finale of Gilmore Girls and at Kristy Cates' last performance in Wicked. But as a general statement, I don't really ever cry, but knowing that all I've ever wanted in my whole life is slowly slipping farther and farther away from me is more than I can take.
What am I DOING? Why am I even bothering to go to college for musical theatre when I know I won't make it?
I'd better try to concentrate on my finals, which start tomorrow. I can't fail those, because if I don't pass junior year I won't even get to college to study or not study musical theatre.
First off, I was annoyed that I couldn't audition because I'm not 18. Secondly, the girls who were there were pretty good, but the song they sing, "So Much Better", is my favorite song of all-time and I KNOW I could have done just as good a job.
I was okay with the show at first. Kind of annoyed I wasn't there, but whatever. As it kept going, I got increasingly more aware that one of those girls gets to be Elle Woods on Broadway, my dream role. They get to meet Laura Bell Bundy and Jerry Mitchell and Heather Hach and Bernie Telsey and perform on the Palace Theatre stage. They get to star on Broadway with no professional acting training.
At the end of the show, when Laura Bell Bundy appeared and started talking to the top 10, for no reason I started to cry. I guess I realized, in that moment, that this was my dream happening on the TV screen, and another girl is going to get it. My LIFE is Broadway. I eat, sleep and breathe musical theatre, and my Broadway dreams are slowly slipping away from me. I can't even get a lead in a triple cast production at a community theatre, how can I expect to get on Broadway?
Of course, this makes me look ridiculous. If I saw someone watching an MTV reality show crying, I would think they were certifiably insane. And I was, sitting on my couch watching pink-clad, obnoxious reality show girls taking away the biggest dream I've ever had. Of course, now that I'm repeating it to myself it made me cry again, so I look ridiculous for a second time.
I'm not a cryer, in general. I don't cry at funerals (unless I'm really close to the person), or weddings, or anything like that. I only cry when I say goodbye to someone that I know I'll never see again (like the seniors, whose last day was today and also depressed me), and I'll admit I shed a tear during the series finale of Gilmore Girls and at Kristy Cates' last performance in Wicked. But as a general statement, I don't really ever cry, but knowing that all I've ever wanted in my whole life is slowly slipping farther and farther away from me is more than I can take.
What am I DOING? Why am I even bothering to go to college for musical theatre when I know I won't make it?
I'd better try to concentrate on my finals, which start tomorrow. I can't fail those, because if I don't pass junior year I won't even get to college to study or not study musical theatre.