some help would have been nice

[queencordette]

The waiting thing? I still don't like it, I couldn't even watch and see what was going on in the lives of my friends to pass the time. I just kept getting this feeling the powers sent me it told me they were waiting for the right time. I figured the right time was ASAP and everything since you know everything's gone to hell. Connor was being

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[impossible_son]

I wonder if that bastard has gotten his message yet. Wonder if he'll even take notice, or even care. Sometimes I wonder what goes on inside the mind of something soulless and evil like that. Never did ask my father about that. Not like he'd ever want to tell me about how he really is, inside, when he is Angelus. Probably be afraid that it would make me hate him more. Not like I do anymore, anyway.

Can't shake that look he had in his eyes, when he looked at me, back at Kakistos'. It was near reassuring. I knew that if I jumped in there, if I got myself into trouble...possibly killed, that he would be right in there with me. By my side, 'til the bitter end. He and I never really shared a bond like that before.

Even so, if that was the case, why was I not regrouping with everyone? Knew I should. Check on Faith, see if she was ok. Help to plan an attack. Guess my blood was still pumping to fierce that I just couldn't hold still. Had to vent my pent up energy on something. That's why when everyone else headed inside, I took a little detour and decided that maybe some unlucky vamp would bump into me.

Yeah, that was before I bumped into someone. Literally. I hadn't even gotten past the condo, probably near in front of it, when I bumped into the somebody. Now, it had to be extremely late, dark as hell tonight, and I didn't look too welcoming. What, with the still bleeding hand, and my own blood on my shirt and all, but oh well. Not like it mattered. "Excuse me,"I mumbled after I bumped into them, before pushing right past and continuing to walk.

That was when it hit me. Something familiar about the person. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around, my brow knit in confusion. "Do I know you?" I asked softly, softer than I even expected to come from myself.

[queencordette]

Alright let's not count devine intervention as being smacked into by a preternaturally strong son of two vampires kay? Are the powers that be even listening to me? Cause once upon a time I was in their good graces.

I heard a mubled excuse me and I wanted to say it right back cause hello earth to Connor?

Then I get a 'do i know you' what the hell? Did they decide to erase me from my friends memory to see if it would be funny? Cause I don't think I want to try to explain who I am to a bunch of people who deal with demons on a daily basis. Generally not the trusting types. Of course Angel had also done that fun little memory swipe on everyone, maybe Connor's still weren't all that clear.

"Yeah. It's Cordelia, do you remember me?"

Honestly though Connor past the age of a few months old I only have memories of because I was stuck inside my own body while someone else pulled the strings. There might be some question about my character but sleeping with the man I loved's son? That wasn't my style, not me at the wheel. Maybe it was better if he didn't remember me.

"I'm a friend of Angel's. Wesley too. Faith not so much but hey we're not all perfect."

[impossible_son]

She went and explained herself to me like I didn't know her. Sure as hell did just...she was dead. Gone. Jasmine had put her in a coma then I heard she died in the Wolfram and Hart hospital ward. Guess she figured I lost my memory...again, or something.

But, really have to say that shocked is an understatement of how I felt. I just looked at her, studied her. Wished to hell it wasn't her. I felt like Iw as being tested all the damn time now, and this just made it all the more worse.

"Cordy? But you're...you can't be..." I took a deep breath and ran my hands over my face, cringing when I felt the sting of the cut. Forgot about that. I wiped away the blood with the back of my hand and shook my head.

My brow was furrowed deeply and I sighed. "What are you doing here? And not..." I looked up to finish my sentence. First Wes and Faith. Now Cordy. Really, if they could just send Dawn it would make life so much easier, not to mention so much better.

[queencordette]

I saw the recognition in his eyes and I actually felt a tad bit disappointed, because I know the kind of person Connor thinks I am. I know how he remembers me and mostly? That wasn't me. I was hoping for a fresh start.

"It's really simple. We saw you guys are kind of in need of some serious therapy; so we asked the powers if we could help, they said one of you and I totally can out bitch Buffy anyday so here I am."

I noticed he was hurt and felt that motherly type instinct kick in but kept myself in check because this had to be really confusing for him. What with dead people showing up all the sudden; I'd be a little freaked too if I wasn't previously all-knowing or whatever.

He looked at little disbelieving; "Listen Connor; the Cordelia you knew wasn't me; I was in there but I wasn't at the wheel if you know what I mean. I'm not evil and I'm really sorry about everything I put you through. I just want to help; I hate watching; being a higher being is so boring!"

[impossible_son]

Buffy and Cordy fought over who'd come to help? What the hell is going on up there? Since when do they just get to send people down to help? And why do they never send the right people?! I had to take a really deep breath to keep myself calm. Last time didn't go so well.

"Therapy huh? Well, I was hoping for a mass amount of violence. I think violence is definately the best therapy, as of late at least." Violence, death and revenge. I like that.

The thing is? I don't really know how Cordy is supposed to help. At least Buffy was a slayer. Cordy is just...Cordy. Nothing all too powerful about her. I mean, it makes more sense to have Faith back than Cordy, even. But, just can't win.

"No. I know that wasn't you. When I got that flood of memories, all those years ago, I saw everything. Through clearer eyes." Sighing deeply I looked down. "I'm kinda sorry too." Hell, if I hadn't lost control of my hormones then the whole Jasmine thing wouldn't have even happened.

"Well, since you've been watching this whole time, what're your thoughts on the situation?" Couldn't help but ask. Really wanted to ask how Dawn was doing, but...I can't.

[queencordette]

"Therapy huh? Well, I was hoping for a mass amount of violence. I think violence is definately the best therapy, as of late at least."

I narrowed my eyes at him, not that I hadn't expected this cause hello I'd been watching, but watching and then being in the thick of it? Realizing Connor's not going to listen to me before I even start trying to help? Not fun.

"As long as it's the right kind of violence, not the kill anything that moves kind and not the comsumed by vengance kind. Because that kind is toally 10 years ago, and doesn't look good on you."

Probably shouldn't bring up what Holtz being consumed by vengance had done to Connor's life and Angel's. I'm betting sayng that Dawn wouldn't want him to be like this wouldn't help right now either. Maybe I should ave let Buffy come.

"No. I know that wasn't you. When I got that flood of memories, all those years ago, I saw everything. Through clearer eyes. I'm kinda sorry too."

I gave him a small smile, none of that had been Connor's fault, but hell if he wasn't his father's son with the blaming.

"It's over, There was no apocolypse and the world is still spinning. All good things."

Even still, some part of me still mourns for the life I carried inside, even if it was all evil and so not me, it's different, strange but that's just a part of me.

"Well, since you've been watching this whole time, what're your thoughts on the situation?"

I raised my brow at him, "I could lie and say everything's going to be ok, but I won't because It's not, not if things keep heading the way they are. Angel's lost, you're lost and don't even get me started on Skank the Vampire Slayer."

[impossible_son]

I sighed as Cordy kind of went into her preachy mode. Why would I not be consumed by vengeance? 'cuz vengeance is kind of the thing that happens when someone or something kills your wife and your unborn child. Excuse me for feeling vengeful!

Deep breaths. Not going to overreact this time. Can't afford it.

"Not going to kill anything that moves. I swear. Just...the usual things that move, vampires and demons. Not consumed, just have a purpose. There is a difference, Cordy." Not like I'd know the difference.

I returned her weak smile with an almost mournful one. It may had all been a lie, but what she and I had, way back so many years ago, it was nice. Minus the turning against everyone and the her giving birth to an evil being thing. "The world just keeps on going, and no one ever knows how close they were to it ending. That still drives me crazy."

Now I was getting antsy. I was on my way out to get my frustration out when I bumped into her, and it was all bottling up and I suddenly couldn't hold still.

My brow did wrinkle at her words though and I looked at her and held still for a moment. "See, I was lost. Well, much more lost. At least I'm not curled up in my house. Have to give me at least a little credit, don't you think?" I asked with my brow raised then cracked a smile at her comment on Faith. "And, it's ok, I'm not really a fan of Faith either."