(no subject)
So tired. I can't sleep. I have to be "up" in 3 hours. I feel anxious. I feel sad. I feel disappointed. I really just want to drop everything and leave. Just disappear. I'm tired of these routines and situations. I'm tired of being chained. I'm tired of losing sleep over this. I'm tired of being rejected by everyone. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of feeling lonely. I'm tired of being weak. I'm tired of wanting, but not knowing what exactly it is that I want or desire. I'm tired of waking up alone. I'm tired of not having friends I can rely on. I'm tired of paying bills. I'm tired of wanting more money saved up. I'm tired of having memory. I just want to forget most things. I want to be plebian. I want to be average. I want to connect. I want to drop out. I want to be happy. I want to be desired, pursued. I want the games to end. I want to not have a shitty birthday this year. I want it to end. I want to know you still care. I want you not to care. I want you in my life. I want you out of my life. I want a cigarette. I want to quit smoking. I want to be able to fall asleep without drinking. I want to have sleep that makes me feel well rested. I want sleepless nights to end. I want to say, "Fuck nostalgia." I want to change the world. I want to be one person's world. I want everything to end.