my nightly dreams have turned into day dreams
and seem to be the only real comfort
but my thoughts keep falling into the same pattern
and i kno it's a lose lose situation
pick the lesser of the two evils.
each path has been walked and either a hell in it's own right.
im tired of feeling like this. im tired of all of this.
maybe angela was right. maybe it is time to go against what my parents believe.
what i believe. and take the magic pill that will make me happy.
pump myself full of hormones that might make these thoughts go away.
it's weird bc in retrospect and especially in that office back in hillsboro, i never think it's that bad
but if i take into account how much of me is acting. how much of me is slipping away. how much of me is lost and how much of me just wants to be invisible and how much of me wishes the exact opposite.
i feel so out of place everywhere. i feel so removed. like im seeing everything from behind a winodw. and it's snowing outside and as much as i try to read the sign across the street, my eyes get caught on a snowflake and i lose track of my original intent.
what am i even trying to accomplish in this? there is nothing good down this path anymore yet it's memory seems worth the effort. im tired. i want to be happy. content at least.
im not looking forward to summer nor next year. i am looking forward to spring break.
unless a certain party will be joining the festivities. then i'll be looking forward to it a lot less. but as of right now i am.
i am also looking forward to sleeping tomorrow until midnoon.
sleep is amazing. my dreams, altho may sound a bit sad, they're amazing. the emotion i feel in them....if it only lasted me the day.
i've really lost all hope and apathy has sunk it's empty teeth once more. maybe it's the weather ( even tho the snow outside is gorgeous and i enjoyed walking in it).
infinity barely seems like a memory anymore it's been so long
but my thoughts keep falling into the same pattern
and i kno it's a lose lose situation
pick the lesser of the two evils.
each path has been walked and either a hell in it's own right.
im tired of feeling like this. im tired of all of this.
maybe angela was right. maybe it is time to go against what my parents believe.
what i believe. and take the magic pill that will make me happy.
pump myself full of hormones that might make these thoughts go away.
it's weird bc in retrospect and especially in that office back in hillsboro, i never think it's that bad
but if i take into account how much of me is acting. how much of me is slipping away. how much of me is lost and how much of me just wants to be invisible and how much of me wishes the exact opposite.
i feel so out of place everywhere. i feel so removed. like im seeing everything from behind a winodw. and it's snowing outside and as much as i try to read the sign across the street, my eyes get caught on a snowflake and i lose track of my original intent.
what am i even trying to accomplish in this? there is nothing good down this path anymore yet it's memory seems worth the effort. im tired. i want to be happy. content at least.
im not looking forward to summer nor next year. i am looking forward to spring break.
unless a certain party will be joining the festivities. then i'll be looking forward to it a lot less. but as of right now i am.
i am also looking forward to sleeping tomorrow until midnoon.
sleep is amazing. my dreams, altho may sound a bit sad, they're amazing. the emotion i feel in them....if it only lasted me the day.
i've really lost all hope and apathy has sunk it's empty teeth once more. maybe it's the weather ( even tho the snow outside is gorgeous and i enjoyed walking in it).
infinity barely seems like a memory anymore it's been so long