Worth the Entire Read...
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck
Norris."
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the
good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to *beep*
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the *beep* down!
There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him
win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a
Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris is indestructible. He is so indestructible that not even
Chuck Norris can break Chuck Norris.
On the seventh day God rested, because Chuck Norris had him in a sleeper hold.
Chuck Norris once laughed so hard after seeing a midget fall down a
flight of stairs, that he ripped a hole in the space-time continuum,
thus creating the phenomena of deja vu.
Chuck Norris wins the Ironman contest every year, without even
entering. Everyone else is just competing for second place.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs
of life there.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The
water gets Chuck instead.
because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck
Norris."
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the
good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to *beep*
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the *beep* down!
There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him
win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a
Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris is indestructible. He is so indestructible that not even
Chuck Norris can break Chuck Norris.
On the seventh day God rested, because Chuck Norris had him in a sleeper hold.
Chuck Norris once laughed so hard after seeing a midget fall down a
flight of stairs, that he ripped a hole in the space-time continuum,
thus creating the phenomena of deja vu.
Chuck Norris wins the Ironman contest every year, without even
entering. Everyone else is just competing for second place.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs
of life there.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The
water gets Chuck instead.