(no subject)
well time to see some fingers fly or something like taht, well at least i'm watching them do that right now. it's really too bad that i can't quite move them as well for other things besides typing. haha...damn IM! it's only because of that i can type...is that a little sad? well let's see what's on my mind. well me and sarah we're talking earlier, and that got me thinking about. well the difference between wanting something and being content. i dunno it's just kinda weird because i know that i have more drive than her in some things but it's kinda a little weird for me to understand or something like that. it's just that things are different since i know that she doesn't quite have killer instinct like me (haha i just realized it may be because i'm asian and she's not haha). but the big twist is that i know she is perfectly happy with what she has. yet i like having this drive for certain things. so the big question is what's better? being content or feeling driven.
to look at it, in my mind there's nothing wrong with having what you want and then not asking for more. in fact one of the things i love about sarah most is her selflessness. she's happy with what she has and that allows her to give more to others. use her time more towards other things but more importantly other people. and well it really is just who she is to be happy with things. i've never really seen her disappointed in herself. in fact i never have at all. she's just so happy with everything. the only flaw i can find in it is that there are unanswered questions. there'll be certain things that she won't quite know because she wasn't crazy about it like me (haha). she said sometimes it's because she has some reservations that her best might not be good enough. but the problem i see with that is that with out having the killer instinct, she won't know exactly how good her best is.
then there's me. she says that she admires me for how hard i can work sometimes. and to be honest, when it comes to doing something for myself, it's more than likely so i can prove something to myself, for myself. i guess it's almost kinda like thinking that i'm not good enough. and yeah i have to admit, there are times i don't get the proof that i want. i have to deal with failure. which isn't always the best feeling. but i have to admit that i lived through it and now i'm ready to try again. i know a lot more about myself and i answered some of those questions (but this may just be my biased speaking). but looking back on it i kinda regret that it does consume me a little bit. like i have to give up a lot of things (like lunch) haha. yet i would like to say that ultimately, i'm satisfied with myself, even tbrough the failure.
well i wonder if i answered anything here? probably not. but since when does anyone ever answer any questions? later
to look at it, in my mind there's nothing wrong with having what you want and then not asking for more. in fact one of the things i love about sarah most is her selflessness. she's happy with what she has and that allows her to give more to others. use her time more towards other things but more importantly other people. and well it really is just who she is to be happy with things. i've never really seen her disappointed in herself. in fact i never have at all. she's just so happy with everything. the only flaw i can find in it is that there are unanswered questions. there'll be certain things that she won't quite know because she wasn't crazy about it like me (haha). she said sometimes it's because she has some reservations that her best might not be good enough. but the problem i see with that is that with out having the killer instinct, she won't know exactly how good her best is.
then there's me. she says that she admires me for how hard i can work sometimes. and to be honest, when it comes to doing something for myself, it's more than likely so i can prove something to myself, for myself. i guess it's almost kinda like thinking that i'm not good enough. and yeah i have to admit, there are times i don't get the proof that i want. i have to deal with failure. which isn't always the best feeling. but i have to admit that i lived through it and now i'm ready to try again. i know a lot more about myself and i answered some of those questions (but this may just be my biased speaking). but looking back on it i kinda regret that it does consume me a little bit. like i have to give up a lot of things (like lunch) haha. yet i would like to say that ultimately, i'm satisfied with myself, even tbrough the failure.
well i wonder if i answered anything here? probably not. but since when does anyone ever answer any questions? later