From the Nakamura kid:
There's a 36% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens
Even though you have a few alien abduction signs, you're almost certainly in the clear.
However, if aliens ever do come to your neck of the woods... they'll probably be coming for you!
What Are the Chances that You've Been Abducted by Aliens? All those abduction signs? From the bloody Company, not aliens. Wankers...