(no subject)
California was great.
Why I live here, I have know idea.
I need to go back and I will... soon enough.
First we went to Venice beach. I'll live near there first. It seems like a really layed back place with lots of things to explore. I was massaged by a dirty man... I didn't want him to do it but he did it anyway, and my family + blake just left me there. We touched the ocean and watched kids skate/spraypaint pretty things. Blake found sunglasses which he kept on for the duration of the trip hehe There was a man walking in the most absurd outfit EVER... then we saw him leaving in his really expensive SUV in a plain old tracksuit.
Our hotel the first night was in a marina and right on a beach. It was beeeautiful. Blake Adrienne and I went in the hot tub/pool then dad, B and I went to a diner for dinner. We got to DJ for a while and made the lady sitting behind us sing.
Then we went shopping at The Block. It was a wiicked mall. There was a skatepark in it and the kids skating there were 10x better than anyone I've seen around here. I should have filmed but I thought that might look a little creepy as they were only like 10 years old. We also went to Boyd Coddingtons shops and watched them film for a while. The cars were pretty sick. Speed zone was fun. I went in a gokart with B and my mom and Adrienne in one and my dad in his own. They went so slow and ours broke down and the guy had to come fix us. I steared though from the passenger seat. I won minigolf... of course. hehe Who knew I was sooooo good? lol
Disneyland was cute. California Adventure had awesome rides. I started crying from laughter/fear when B Adrienne dad and I went on the ferris wheel. The things you sit in had their own separate tracks that they swung around on and it was so scary. Space Mountain was worth the hour wait that B Adrienne and I endured.
The whole family thing was fine. It was good to see people. Dave was soooo surprised, it was great. Kate's huge now. And apparently she was in the movie Benchwarmers... so she's movin' up there I guess. Her show was really good.
We drove down the windyest road ever and made it to the beach. There were crabs and stuff and we took home sand and cool rocks/shells.
The journey to our last hotel was sad. I didn't want to leave. But the hotel was so classy. We had a wiicked view right down onto the pool and we were on the top floor so we could see a lot. Blake and I got our own bed (for the second time) which was great.
Then we came home and it was terrible. This place sucks.
Now I'm back to reality in the last place I want to be. I'm so behind in school and this morning I missed class for NOTHING. I got no work done over the break and I'm already so behind that I have no motivation to get caught up. I have know idea how I'm going to get everything done. I need a summer job.
There is really nothing here for me. Sure, my family. But they would keep in touch with me and come visit regardless of where I was. I have no friends that are keeping me here... no "best" friends. Except Blake but it's hard to have a best friend who is also your "boyfriend" and who doesn't think the same way about you. He has his own things going on and I pretty much have nothing here. Lack of money and my inability to NOT be such a baby will also keep me here. ugh.
I don't really even have a REAL goal... I'm just riding along doing as little as possible as usual. It's so unsatisfying. I have no motivation and sooooo much to do. But it doesn't really seem to matter because it's not like I'm really working towards anything significant... I'm just going down the same pathway that I always have.. not even knowing if it's what I really want or enjoy. I don't even know what I like... or what I'm about because I've never tried anything. I've always done the same thing and now it just seems too late to change. I haven't found anything that I seem truly passionate about. Why can't I find something that means more than anything/anyone else? I just need something to work for.
I'm sure this seems quite pessimistic... I should be happy that I just had a wonderful vacation. But coming back from that to this reality is just more intense I guess. It's just so much stress, confusion, insecurity and anxiety and I really have no one to really talk to about it. I screwed that up already. And I don't really WANT anyone new to talk to about it... because I just feel like that's superficial. I'd just be using them as some fake outlet to vent on and they'd be doing the same with me.. neither of us ACTUALLY understanding a thing. I'm just in such a rut and I'm so deep into it that there's no hope of getting out of this one.
Anyways, maybe if I spent less time venting and more time doing something more productive then I'd feel better. I should go...
Why I live here, I have know idea.
I need to go back and I will... soon enough.
First we went to Venice beach. I'll live near there first. It seems like a really layed back place with lots of things to explore. I was massaged by a dirty man... I didn't want him to do it but he did it anyway, and my family + blake just left me there. We touched the ocean and watched kids skate/spraypaint pretty things. Blake found sunglasses which he kept on for the duration of the trip hehe There was a man walking in the most absurd outfit EVER... then we saw him leaving in his really expensive SUV in a plain old tracksuit.
Our hotel the first night was in a marina and right on a beach. It was beeeautiful. Blake Adrienne and I went in the hot tub/pool then dad, B and I went to a diner for dinner. We got to DJ for a while and made the lady sitting behind us sing.
Then we went shopping at The Block. It was a wiicked mall. There was a skatepark in it and the kids skating there were 10x better than anyone I've seen around here. I should have filmed but I thought that might look a little creepy as they were only like 10 years old. We also went to Boyd Coddingtons shops and watched them film for a while. The cars were pretty sick. Speed zone was fun. I went in a gokart with B and my mom and Adrienne in one and my dad in his own. They went so slow and ours broke down and the guy had to come fix us. I steared though from the passenger seat. I won minigolf... of course. hehe Who knew I was sooooo good? lol
Disneyland was cute. California Adventure had awesome rides. I started crying from laughter/fear when B Adrienne dad and I went on the ferris wheel. The things you sit in had their own separate tracks that they swung around on and it was so scary. Space Mountain was worth the hour wait that B Adrienne and I endured.
The whole family thing was fine. It was good to see people. Dave was soooo surprised, it was great. Kate's huge now. And apparently she was in the movie Benchwarmers... so she's movin' up there I guess. Her show was really good.
We drove down the windyest road ever and made it to the beach. There were crabs and stuff and we took home sand and cool rocks/shells.
The journey to our last hotel was sad. I didn't want to leave. But the hotel was so classy. We had a wiicked view right down onto the pool and we were on the top floor so we could see a lot. Blake and I got our own bed (for the second time) which was great.
Then we came home and it was terrible. This place sucks.
Now I'm back to reality in the last place I want to be. I'm so behind in school and this morning I missed class for NOTHING. I got no work done over the break and I'm already so behind that I have no motivation to get caught up. I have know idea how I'm going to get everything done. I need a summer job.
There is really nothing here for me. Sure, my family. But they would keep in touch with me and come visit regardless of where I was. I have no friends that are keeping me here... no "best" friends. Except Blake but it's hard to have a best friend who is also your "boyfriend" and who doesn't think the same way about you. He has his own things going on and I pretty much have nothing here. Lack of money and my inability to NOT be such a baby will also keep me here. ugh.
I don't really even have a REAL goal... I'm just riding along doing as little as possible as usual. It's so unsatisfying. I have no motivation and sooooo much to do. But it doesn't really seem to matter because it's not like I'm really working towards anything significant... I'm just going down the same pathway that I always have.. not even knowing if it's what I really want or enjoy. I don't even know what I like... or what I'm about because I've never tried anything. I've always done the same thing and now it just seems too late to change. I haven't found anything that I seem truly passionate about. Why can't I find something that means more than anything/anyone else? I just need something to work for.
I'm sure this seems quite pessimistic... I should be happy that I just had a wonderful vacation. But coming back from that to this reality is just more intense I guess. It's just so much stress, confusion, insecurity and anxiety and I really have no one to really talk to about it. I screwed that up already. And I don't really WANT anyone new to talk to about it... because I just feel like that's superficial. I'd just be using them as some fake outlet to vent on and they'd be doing the same with me.. neither of us ACTUALLY understanding a thing. I'm just in such a rut and I'm so deep into it that there's no hope of getting out of this one.
Anyways, maybe if I spent less time venting and more time doing something more productive then I'd feel better. I should go...