(no subject)
spent the weekend with ali in toronto.
also saw adam, carolyn, and alyssa.
even though she's my housemate, the conversation was different with alyssa, in a good and better way. possibly because being out of the house makes being housemates a bond rather than a nuisance.
it was a great weekend. i struck by how little i tend to value old friendships, and reminded myself to do a better job from now on.
ali didn't like carolyn's boyfriend (maybe because he called her 'freakishly tall') and carolyn cried after ali told her. i really think she should have let it go, both of them. it only became more awkward when ali kept asking carolyn if she was mad at her or upset.. because really, was it not obvious enough?
ali told carolyn she felt bad for making her feel bad.
i told ali not to make carolyn feel bad for feeling bad.
then i felt bad for making ali feel bad. but i think she should have, at least a little.
while waiting for the bus to toronto i met a person who was waiting for a city bus. he was coming back from toronto where he's taking stunt classes. it reads like a lie, but who would lie about that? it would have been interesting to hear more about it. how often do i get to talk about my karate past with regular strangers? (answer: more often than you'd think. but not the point..)
it's obvious but: things feel so much better after admitting how things can feel so shitty.
we had a goodbye dinner for mark tonight with family friends from the old T-town. both the mom and the older brother of the family-friend family told me i looked 'fit'. i thought it was kind of a strange comment; something you'd say to an ex-obsese someone as a euphemism for having lost lots of shameful and embarrassing weight.
when people compliment me, specifically my body (it felt creepy to write that) or looks, i always get the feeling i'm supposed to be apologetic, act surprised, or make an opposite comment about myself. we're supposed to feel guilty either way. i think it's just from people not always being sincere or genuine, and knowing that, i'll over-think what people really mean or how they really want me to feel. in the end it doesn't usually matter.
back to hamilton tomorrow morning. school starts again soon. or rather: school starts soon. i'm going to t.a. a 4th year class that i took last year, and was accused of plagiarizing in. i am a model student.
also saw adam, carolyn, and alyssa.
even though she's my housemate, the conversation was different with alyssa, in a good and better way. possibly because being out of the house makes being housemates a bond rather than a nuisance.
it was a great weekend. i struck by how little i tend to value old friendships, and reminded myself to do a better job from now on.
ali didn't like carolyn's boyfriend (maybe because he called her 'freakishly tall') and carolyn cried after ali told her. i really think she should have let it go, both of them. it only became more awkward when ali kept asking carolyn if she was mad at her or upset.. because really, was it not obvious enough?
ali told carolyn she felt bad for making her feel bad.
i told ali not to make carolyn feel bad for feeling bad.
then i felt bad for making ali feel bad. but i think she should have, at least a little.
while waiting for the bus to toronto i met a person who was waiting for a city bus. he was coming back from toronto where he's taking stunt classes. it reads like a lie, but who would lie about that? it would have been interesting to hear more about it. how often do i get to talk about my karate past with regular strangers? (answer: more often than you'd think. but not the point..)
it's obvious but: things feel so much better after admitting how things can feel so shitty.
we had a goodbye dinner for mark tonight with family friends from the old T-town. both the mom and the older brother of the family-friend family told me i looked 'fit'. i thought it was kind of a strange comment; something you'd say to an ex-obsese someone as a euphemism for having lost lots of shameful and embarrassing weight.
when people compliment me, specifically my body (it felt creepy to write that) or looks, i always get the feeling i'm supposed to be apologetic, act surprised, or make an opposite comment about myself. we're supposed to feel guilty either way. i think it's just from people not always being sincere or genuine, and knowing that, i'll over-think what people really mean or how they really want me to feel. in the end it doesn't usually matter.
back to hamilton tomorrow morning. school starts again soon. or rather: school starts soon. i'm going to t.a. a 4th year class that i took last year, and was accused of plagiarizing in. i am a model student.