so i look to my eskimo friend

[no_bass]

the site

the pool


haha trent excaliburs..


the view from behind the blocks


the words

thursday:
we left mcmaster in the afternoon. there was a coach bus for 12 swimmers, 2 coaches, and one busdriver. not only that, but we were driving no more than an hour. we live a life of extravagance.

not at every meet, but at some (usually overnight ones), each swimmer recieves $20. i'm not sure if this is to pay for food or what, i just take it and smile (then buy). at this meet we each got $40. which didn't cover the food we had to feed ourselves with (it never does). my next thought just now was to mention that kipp touched my hand when i reached for a pen (to sign my name saying i had recieved the money). i am disgusting.

so the bus ride was relatively uneventful. erin was sitting across from me, and was going through the psych sheets (s1k shets: list by event of who is seeded where, and with what time). she was upset (genuinely, i'm not sure. for attention, maybe) and exclaiming things like : "holy shit, i'm in danger of DFL-ing.. holy shit guys. what the fuck! i'm 8th last!!" and so on. (NB: DFL = Dead Fucking Last) i said nothing. if anyone had actually been entered last, they would probably have had their morale shaken because of the stuff she was saying and the way she was making it seem. the whole trip she was talking about that despite people telling her that ranking doesn't tell you anything. gaye: "so if you're 40th out of 40, it's horrible, but if you're 40th out of 100 it's good?". even jim said something to that extent.

she wasn't actually ranked last in anything.. unlike myself. i was last in 100br and 200br. i didn't say anything, nor did i feel bad - although this was the biggest most important meet i had ever been to, i felt nothing towards it. well, as far as being a competitor goes. I felt like the little rookie, the one pulled straight from her first meet, where she didn't know what a heat was, and sang songs during races, who got scared of sharks in the pool, who kneed herself in the eyes when she turned too close to the wall, whose time for 400free was still the same as what it was when she was 12, who lined up all her ribbons and medals, and imagined living off swimming, who came from the tiny team, who used to stand in the shower with her eyes closed, her ears plugged, and imagine the water hitting her head was actually the roar of a crowd that was drowning out O Canada as she saw the canadian flag being raised between two flags of other countries (to be disgustingly detailed: 2nd place would be china, 3rd place would be either australia or the US).

or: i just wanted to see the fast people swim, and be able to say "i was there!". to watch the olympics and say that i've seen that person swim in real life.

i could hardly accept that i was finally on my way to CIs. I qualified at the first meet and so i always knew i was going. it was something that was always so far away, there's no reason to think about it. but there it was.

we were dropped off at the pool for a mini-practice, which was really just supposed to be a warm-up, and to familiarize yourself with the pool. i felt nostalgic seeing the U of T pool again. it was always my favourite pool to race in, back in my club days. i thought it was a really beautiful pool, the way the lights shine off the water, and it just feels like you're on show. i remember the last time i swam there, i was looking at all the championship titles that were hanging from the wall. i asked sean alexander if he was going to swim in university, and he said he didn't know (he has since quit swimming). he asked me, and i said i wasn't sure, i guess i'd give it a go. i remember kevin giving me a look, one which i've never deciphered. i remembered puking in that pool, after a 200IM (or maybe it was 200br). i was in lane 8 (or 7?) and it was a final. which i almost missed because i wasn't paying attention and my heat was climbing the blocks while i was still in my deck clothes. i whipped off everything and stood on the blocks. when i bent over to take my mark, i remembered the huge see through patch on my ass, which was currently being thrusted in the faces of my timers.

i swam in the pool for a long time. gaye whistled to get me out. he said to kipp, but really to me, "she swims more in warm up than she does the whole year! must have been to make up for that thursday she missed in october." kipp: "and the friday in november" gaye: "and the two weeks before christmas" kipp: "and the three weeks after christmas"

afterward we went back to the hotel, which was across from the bata shoe museum and close enough to the pool to walk, which we did for the rest of the trip. i was rooming with dee but at least at this meet we got to have our own beds (your tuition dollars well spent). gaye came out to dinner with the women swimmers. he took us to the ferret and firkin, and we had delicious meal for low price.

it was at this dinner that a great hidden weight was lifted (somewhat) off my chest. it was impressive. seriously, an invisible anvil was suddenly removed from my left boob.

no, what actually happened was i had an intellectually stimulating conversation with rosie and jane. the subject of vegetarianism came up. rosie said something about how she tried it but she didn't think she could keep it. i'm not too sure why, but of all topics, the one that i like to argue the most is vegetarianism or any other kind of avoiding-meat-ism. it's always interesting to talk about to people who practice it, because you learn a lot about them from their reasons for doing it. maybe i was feeling like arguing. maybe i was genuinely curious to why she wanted to do it. maybe i was desperate to have a good debate with someone, but we started talking about it and i was rewarded. jane had some interesting things to say, but often she'd just say "it's SO...", then let out an extremely exasperated sigh and put her hands to her face. the topic went from vegetarianism, to oil, to nigeria, to iraq, to the possibility of one person making a difference. it was extremely satisfying and it flowed well. i was impressed with rosie.

erin, who was sitting beside me, would say, "whoa dudes, this is like a debate going on here. THIS is a conversation".

the rest of the table was listening, i could tell, but no one else contributed. later dee would tell me that while listening to us, she thought "i am SO stupid". that she didn't know anything about anything "except for swimming, or sailing". (the sailing thing kind of came out of nowhere. it was a little amusing.)

i don't like that they thought they weren't good enough for our conversation, but i'm glad they listened and that it made them think.

note to self: take cultural anthropology course next year. also get involved in MACgreen and ask why the school only has recycling for cans and bottles, but not the plastic take-out containers they give out.

i should mention that this whole time, gaye was wearing his "mac swimming" parka. MAROON PARKA. on this little man! aw gaye..

by the way, i had chicken C.O.B. get it. it was great.
holy crap, if each day is going to be this long..

also, i feel the need to say that i've been drinking so much coffee i think it's starting to replace the fluid in my joints. seriously, my joints all ache since i've been consuming the stuff.

nb: meet was short course (25m long). kind of weird how they don't have long course (50m) swimming in university.

friday:
i had 100br to swim.
entered last.
gaye first told me during a practice maybe a week or two prior. i was resting between a set when gaye told me this. i didn't hear him at first (more like, i heard his words, but it took me a little while before i knew what they meant. that happens a lot while at practice. my brain slows down). kipp said "only one way to go!" and he kept saying this to me right up until the moment i raced (NON STOP, ha).

i was actually looking forward to this race. i felt no nervousness whatsoever. i felt positive. i felt like how you should feel, like i was swimming because i wanted to, not because i could. i wanted to swim. i was excited.

(i was also listening to nelly furtado's força over and over.haha)

i was entered as: 1:18.19
my lifetime best was 1:17.4
my result?

my first fifty felt really good. actually, i was worried i wasn't going fast enough. it felt like i coudln't go faster even if i tried. the second fifty i kept repeating what gaye had said to me "keep your kick" over and over, like a mantra. i touched the yellow pad and after a few gasps of water, floated out a few feet from the wall to look up at the scoreboard. i stared. lane 3 touched first. i looked back at my block to check my number. i looked back at the board to check the ranking. i looked down at the water, at my feet moving around as i clung to the wall. i looked back at the number on my block, then looked back up at the scoreboard to see my time again. 1:17.2, a best time! lifetime best! "and the unofficial heat winner is Stephanie Sun from McMaster University" was said on the p.a. as i pulled myself out of the water. i laughed and shook my head. i kept laughing to myself on my way back to where my team was. i didn't feel tired at all (you never do, after a good time). i first say grey in his leather coat. he hadnt' come up with us on the bus, so i was glad to see him. i went to my bag first, to put down my goggles and cap, and to grab my towel. a few swimmers on the bleachers congratulated me, and when they said this, gaye, kipp, grey, and all the swimmers who were standing at the edge of the pool turned and i went to stand in the group. "she's smiling!" said gaye. i was so happy. kipp reminded me that he had said i was moving up. erin had DFL'd in the 50 back (the race just before mine) so i felt a little embarassed when the coaches used me to tease erin. at this point, the heat after mine had just finished. kipp noticed that i had also swam faster than a girl in that heat. and after the next, i had also beat a girl in that one too. to beat my lifetime best was my goal from the start of the year.

the rest of the day is a blur.

saturday:
gaye had entered me in 200br and 50free. what i was going to swim depended on how i did on friday. breaststroke is my best event, but i've always been a sprinter but ignoring that, the time you would expect me to be going in 200 (based on what i do for the 50 and the 100) is about 5 seconds faster than what i do do (haha. dodo. SHUT UP). it's a running joke with the coaches and myself. they always tell me they'll put me in the 800free or 400IM, or tell me to do the distance sets at practice (i.e. 10 x 200. BARF). not funny, i tell them.

so anyway. on the other hand, doing 50 free would mean i'd have my ass totally kicked, killed, roasted on an open flame, then served to me. well, maybe not that horrible, but i wouldn't have done well. however, this is what i would have preferred to swim. because it's easier. and because i could race pamela, my cousin, for the first time ever.

there was also the possibility of me being scratched from both events. this would have been ideal for me but it would actually mean that gaye thinks i need all i can get to swim in 50br (best event, sunday) and that i hadn't been swimming well.

but i left friday night finals early to have dinner with my family so gaye chose for me. he chose 200br.

dee told me that while i was away..
- gaye was asking where i was
- dee said i was out with my family
- kipp was acting mad and said "if i were coach this would be happening"
- dee said "well her mom just got back from haiti or some crazy far away place" (honduras)
- naomi and gaye got in a huge fight. gaye had scratched her from saturdays' events and she was yelling "this is BULLSHIT gaye, and you know it!" dee had originally thought that was because jane was put in the relay instead of naomi. they didn't talk all of saturday and so on. pretty intense.
- jenne said that i should be in the 200br because i'm a breaststroker and i'm more likely to score in it (pshaw.) and i did well in the breaststroke so i should stick to breaststroke
- dee said that i did well in breaststroke because it was a short event and i should be in the 50free because i'm a sprinter, and nontheless it's what i said i wanted to be in
- to this, gaye said that yes, it probably was what i wanted to be in

so on saturday, gaye tells me i'm swimming 200br, and that i should have at least told him i was leaving finals (i've done that before- leave without telling him). i think he was expecting me to get mad but i told him that i had thought about it, and although i wanted to swim 50free, swimming the 200br would be better for me. he was taken aback.

i swam it.

lifetime best time: 2:48.something
entered as 2:49.low
swam 2:49.high

it was okay. my first 100 was a good split. i'm glad i didn't go over 2:50. i talked to kipp afterward (what bothers me is that he doesn't act mad to my face) and he had said that i was going to move up (i was seeded last for 200br too) in this, but i had lost my heat. but he was encouraging and said that the big event is the 50 anyway. as it turns out, i beat two girls. one disqualified herself somehow.

that night at finals, a lot of people from the team came up to visit us. i was sitting on the bleachers, slouched over, beside nick the therapist who was also slouched over. we were both bored. it's weird, we end up slouched, bored and together during finals a lot. people made fun of me "oh she's really worn out. she did a whole 200 today!" when meanwhile carly was swimming 400s and so on. it's funny how i see a 200 as long distance, i guess. jerks.

CARLY MADE OLYMPIC TRIALS!
her face after she qualified was priceless. she turned to us (still in the water) after seeing the scoreboard and had her hands next to her face, her mouth agape.

sunday:
swam the 50br. this was the event i qualified in.

best time ever, as well as what i was seeded in: 35.64
i swam 36.something higher
a bad time! i thought dee might have beat me. turns out she did a 37, which was shocking. that's what she swam in the first 50 of her 200 back at OUs.

so gaye wasn't expecting me to do a bad time there. that evening was the 4 x 100 medley relay, and i was supposed to do the breaststroke leg, but gaye told me that he wasnt' sure, it would depend on how carly swam. which was kind of crazy, because carly wasn't swimming br at all this year, but she used to be a breaststroker, and is a good IMer and just a really fast girl all around. i had mixed feelings about not being in the relay.

later that day, jenne tells me there's an 80% chance i'll be in the relay.
so i figure i'm doing it, and i am.

when i come out on deck sunday night finals, gaye grabs my arm and says "you go 1:15 or you walk home" (again, i didn't understand what he said for a few seconds, until he playfully grabbed my nose).

i had realized by this point that my attitude towards CIs had changed. after doing so well in the 100br, i started to see myself as more of a competitor and instead of being excited, i was getting nervous for my races. i asked gaye what i needed to do to swim better than on friday, and he said to just let the girls get me excited. i wasn't sure if that was the way to go.

so i swam br in the 4x100. it was a great race. jane was back, me breast, jenne fly, and rosie free. i love how the CI relay was three rookies and a fourth year. we weren't in a fast heat, but we beat out the other ontario teams who were in ours. i'm especially glad we beat guelph, those asses..

i swam 0.2s slower in the relay than in my individual event. which is pretty weird. usually people go faster in relays because it's more exciting and because you get to do a special start.

so then i didn't go to the afterparty.
that was how i did at CIs.

holy crap. i started that at 7:08?! it is currently 9:56. that was GARGANTUAN. as such, tgso recap is postponed.

now watch as this somehow all gets deleted.