tomorrow i leave for toronto.
there's this guy, adam.
(not the swimmer)
i mentioned him a while back, sometime in january. he was in my physics lab. he's now in my biology inquiry group.
yeah, i like him.
we were walking through the hospital together, him to get a falafel, me to go home. and he was telling me about how bad a high school swimmer he was. he didn't know how to race when he joined. they asked him why did he join then? he said, well it's your job to teach me. he was telling me about when it took him 5 minutes to swim 100br. it takes most high schoolers a minute and a half. he called it "chest". hahaha
he's very funny, both intentionally and not. i like him.
CIs are tomorrow. canadian interuniversity. i'm entered last in the 100br, as i may have told you ("only one way to go" - kipp). and i'm something like 23rd in 50br. i'm entered in 200br (last) and 50free (fourth last?) but gaye was thinking of taking me out of those so i could have all of saturday to rest for my 50m - currently my best race.
i wonder how all the other swimmers in canada are feeling.
tonight was the CI dinner. 9 women and 4 men qualified. but tim (one of the qualifiers) isn't swimming his individual events, instead he's only doing the relay. so it's tradition that the ci qualifiers have a dinner the wednesday before they leave for CIs. so we did. it was good. it's unusual for the women's and men's team to do something together like that. in the doorway, having the last conversation before the last 4 girls seperated (rosie, dee, jenne, myself. erin was hosting) which was about housing for next year. i remember looking at the wall directly across me. rosie asked if there was anything wrong. because i hadn't said a word all night. and i realized that that was true. i literally hadn't said a word. they asked if i was feeling alright. "body? or mind?" i said both. but i don't know what it was. i felt like how i usually feel at swimmer things. like i shouldn't be there. but at the same time, that i should.
i wanted to talk about it, but i didn't know what to say. i had nothing to say. i want someone to talk to me and just tell me what i want to hear. but i don't know what that is.
i wondered on the way home if i was intimidated by them. i think intimidated is the wrong word, but it's close to what i mean.
i feel like i don't belong, that i'm from a different team. that i'd be the model swimmer for a team like U of T. an individualistic team. yet at the same time i feel like i slip so well into the team here.
yesterday, in sam and jane's room, it was different.
when i don't feel comfortable, and i see other people who should have no more reason than me to feel comfortable.. being comfortable, i become more uncomfortable.
usually.
i don't know what to think of some of them, and i don't think they know what to think of me. still...
..a good night though.
p.s. i've decided to go to the ci after party. "you'll have no shame" - erin
great.
(not the swimmer)
i mentioned him a while back, sometime in january. he was in my physics lab. he's now in my biology inquiry group.
yeah, i like him.
we were walking through the hospital together, him to get a falafel, me to go home. and he was telling me about how bad a high school swimmer he was. he didn't know how to race when he joined. they asked him why did he join then? he said, well it's your job to teach me. he was telling me about when it took him 5 minutes to swim 100br. it takes most high schoolers a minute and a half. he called it "chest". hahaha
he's very funny, both intentionally and not. i like him.
CIs are tomorrow. canadian interuniversity. i'm entered last in the 100br, as i may have told you ("only one way to go" - kipp). and i'm something like 23rd in 50br. i'm entered in 200br (last) and 50free (fourth last?) but gaye was thinking of taking me out of those so i could have all of saturday to rest for my 50m - currently my best race.
i wonder how all the other swimmers in canada are feeling.
tonight was the CI dinner. 9 women and 4 men qualified. but tim (one of the qualifiers) isn't swimming his individual events, instead he's only doing the relay. so it's tradition that the ci qualifiers have a dinner the wednesday before they leave for CIs. so we did. it was good. it's unusual for the women's and men's team to do something together like that. in the doorway, having the last conversation before the last 4 girls seperated (rosie, dee, jenne, myself. erin was hosting) which was about housing for next year. i remember looking at the wall directly across me. rosie asked if there was anything wrong. because i hadn't said a word all night. and i realized that that was true. i literally hadn't said a word. they asked if i was feeling alright. "body? or mind?" i said both. but i don't know what it was. i felt like how i usually feel at swimmer things. like i shouldn't be there. but at the same time, that i should.
i wanted to talk about it, but i didn't know what to say. i had nothing to say. i want someone to talk to me and just tell me what i want to hear. but i don't know what that is.
i wondered on the way home if i was intimidated by them. i think intimidated is the wrong word, but it's close to what i mean.
i feel like i don't belong, that i'm from a different team. that i'd be the model swimmer for a team like U of T. an individualistic team. yet at the same time i feel like i slip so well into the team here.
yesterday, in sam and jane's room, it was different.
when i don't feel comfortable, and i see other people who should have no more reason than me to feel comfortable.. being comfortable, i become more uncomfortable.
usually.
i don't know what to think of some of them, and i don't think they know what to think of me. still...
..a good night though.
p.s. i've decided to go to the ci after party. "you'll have no shame" - erin
great.