[Log] [Ice Cream Woes] [Shikamaru and Ino] [closed]
Orphans with parents was the term Ino had heard in high school when her friends complained about the people who sired them. It described people with two parents but might as well have been parent-less considering how little attention got paid to them. Ino laughed and agreed when people told her how lucky she was to have an almost famous father and such a cool mother that let her do whatever she wanted. It was a sorry façade though, Ino realized much later in life. She would have traded big houses, ponies, and all the jewelry in the world for someone to be home for her when she was at school or to tell her in person how proud they were of her she got accepted in college.
Funnily enough it was Chouji's mother who calmed her down when she got her first period and was convinced she had Ebola and her insides were melting. It was Shikamaru's dad who danced with her at her sweet sixteen when her father was stuck in London doing some reunion tour.
She was loved and she knew it. She never went hungry, or cold, and when her father was around he was protective and loyal. But those times were too few and far between for Ino's liking. Her parents were like two strangers (two strangers than bought her everything in the world, of course) who came and went as they pleased, occasionally talking to her and spending time with her.
Needy, a voice in her head whispered when she spent the last house crying in the bathroom store of the flower shop before heading home because her father told her he was stuck in Sweden and couldn't make it to her auction, Pathetic another voice agreed.
When the blond finally got home, exhausted both mentally and physically from her days labor, she just kicked off her shoes and landed on the couch with a soft thump. Clothes and hair were in disarray but who was she looking good for?
Shikamaru pushed open the door with his hip---the lock was going; it no longer stuck properly---singing a Bob Dylan song as he entered. Loudly. This was Nara Shikamaru Defense Mechanism Number Eight: sing like a little Asian lark so that people won't ask questions. If he had his mouth busy singing---and the truth of it was that he really did have a nice voice---nobody would intrude. Letting the last chorus of "Just Like a Woman" dribble off, he dropped the defense mechanism to yell: "Wenches, make yourselves known! Who's home?".
He wasn't given an immediate answer from his roommates, so he frowned, shouldering his grocery bag and stomping into the living room. He found Ino on the couch, hands loosely clutched in her lap, her expression drawn tight and her hair mussed wildly.
If he was any judge of mascara, she'd been crying. Shikamaru couldn't rightly say why, but this made his stomach do all sorts of flipflops, and he didn't like it at all.
His frown digging deep lines in his normally calm face, Shikamaru dropped a carton of still-cold ice cream into Ino's lap.
"Get a spoon," he said shortly, as way of greeting.
Nearly going into cardiac arrest at the singing and the barging in of her roommate, Ino quickly wiped under her eyes and caught the ice cream before it could freeze off her uterus. No one was supposed to be home for a few hours so it was perfect sulking time, but Shikamaru had ruined those plans for her. He really wasn't much of a sweets eater so this was doubly strange.
"I told you to stop with that wenches thing, ass," Ino complained half heartedly and grabbed a spoon from the table behind her. As long as it was here, she might as well enjoy it "A wench is like a servant or something."
With one hand she ripped off the lid of the ice cream and attempted to fix her hair with the other. Instead of pulling it back into its original ponytail, she took her hair down and just flicked it over her shoulders. It wouldn't do to have the roots pulled on, after all.
"It adds spice to our life," Shikamaru said flatly, settling himself in next to her and stretching out his long legs and yawning. "So here, listen to me for a second. I've brought ice cream for us both---one carton, innumerable calories---so that we can bitch and attempt to pull the knots out of our current lives. So. Ice cream. Share."
Twirling the spoon between her fingers, Ino dipped it into the ice cream and took out a chunk larger than what a proper lady should. "I'm an unwanted child," she decided on finally. "I think I've been referred to as 'The Accident' in secret by my parents for years. If I died tomorrow, my father would send an e-mail sincerely regretting that he couldn't come because he was jamming with White Snake and send a big diamond for me to be buried with while my mom would come with her hippie garden club do gooders protesting group, form a circle and sing 'Give Peace a Chance' around my grave."
The mental image, while incredibly depressing, was slightly amusing. She was exaggerating obviously, but that was what she did. "You?"
Arrested mid-bite, Shikamaru blinked. "...You're not planning on dying tomorrow, now are you? Because I might have to dibs out of your funeral if that ensemble is going to be trudging in for their reunion tour. Your mother and father have always rocked my brain just a little, you know?" Finishing that bite and sighing, Shikamaru shrugged. "Me, I've just decided that I'm going to become a monk. Sex isn't worth it."
"Sex isn't all that satisfying," Ino said seriously, voice thick with ice cream, "if it isn't with someone you care about. Trust me. It brings you closer to someone and there are some people," she didn't say Kin but it was written all over her face, "even if they are good looking and willing, you don't want to go there."
She was almost afraid to ask if he tried with someone else but that was really something she didn't want to know about.
"You're not male," Shikamaru reminded her gently, stealing another humorously large bite. He managed to fit the entire hunk of frozen dairy product in his mouth and talk around it. "S'not the same, y'know. 'M wired to want sex, but m'brain keeps flashing a critical system error, an' I can't figure out why I can't just...do it." He swallowed, sighing and kicking off his sneakers. They landed in a haphazard heap below the coffee table. "You're right about the whole wanting-someone-I-care-about spiel, but it's rough when that person doesn't care back. So. I'm at an impasse with myself, as it is, and the wench herd here is doing nothing to help."
Ino snorted and rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "Women have just as much of a sex drive as men, you misogynistic bastard. And maybe, just maybe you don't want to have sex with just ANYONE." Ew. Who would do that anyway? "And who do you like? When did you like someone?!"
Was she that caught up in her life that she completely missed what was going on in his life??
"Like I care about a woman's sex drive," Shikamaru said glibly, only just missing the ice cream-coated spoon aimed at his messy hair. He smirked, ever the asshole and enjoying it. Maybe it'd distract his friend from that ominous second half of her question. "And...it didn't pan out. That's all you need to know."
"Maybe if you cared more about what women want instead of what you want, that girl would have liked you back," Ino poked him none too gently in the side. "Girls like it when guys care about how they feel and what they want." This was, of course, one of the reasons she was so fond of Chouji. He didn't let himself get walked all over but he honestly and genuinely wanted to know what she felt/thought/needed.
"I do care," he mumbled, fairly gruffly. "I just can't...say it. I can't..." Shikamaru huffed a sigh, pushing his hair out of his face and licking off his spoon. "...just never mind about me. It's dumb, and I'm over it."
"You could say it if you weren't such a coward. And you're not dumb, you're just ridiculous sometimes!" Ino dropped her spoon into the ice cream, crossing her arms over her chest. Cold fingers instantly warmed up. "You think too much and then opportunity passes you by."
Shikamaru tossed his spoon in the carton with a soft but acidic curse, flopping back on the couch bonelessly. Amazingly, the ice cream was not working as it should have been. Since when did the goodness of empty calories and sugar fail him? His life really was on a downhill slide.
Stupid mind-reading wench. He really hated it when she was right.
"Yes, I missed my opportunity---twice over. I know. Fuckin' drop it and let me wallow properly."
Bingo. The look on his face revealed much more than he was saying. And she got him to admit something. Noble Prize, here I come. The truth hurt, yes, but wasn't it her job as his friend to tell him the truth?
"So you missed your opportunity. There will be other opportunities," she ignored how absolutely miserable he sounded because she just wanted to slap it out of him. "You've got a lot going for you. You just need to put more effort into things. I mean, maybe that girl didn't know that you were even interested."
"She should have known," Shikamaru snapped, feeling altogether peeved at the way Ino kept grinding the metaphorical cigarette butt of his failure in his face. For the sake of the relationship that was supposedly making her gush happiness out her ears---and why did she need the ice cream pick-me-up, then, he wondered with a note of irritation---he'd stepped off and clammed up. He'd stuffed it all down to fester, because he knew things never worked as planned, especially in the real world and especially especially in relationships.
Chouji and Ino didn't have a Shika-shaped hole in their relationship. They didn't need him around any further than a friendly and familiar face to gab at from time to time. Shikamaru had missed his opportunity because he'd been too afraid to make waves, and now he was silently suffering through the aftermath.
Yeah, there were other people to be with, but he didn't want anyone else.
"She should have known, because she knew me. She should have known because I hate unnecessary talk. She should have asked, wondered why I am the way I am, why I do things the way I do. I didn't want to put the effort in because I knew I wouldn't be heard either way."
One eyebrow arched at him curiously, leaning back on the arm of the couch and just studying him. "You're being too harsh. People aren't mind readers, even close friends or lovers. And you always shut people out. When they try to ask you how you are or what's wrong you just clam up and start getting nasty," this, she knew, first hand. "Most people don't understand you. They don't realize some of the things you do are because you care. That's why if it's worth it, you just have to say it."
She was talking with the calmness of a therapist because she was just too emotionally drained to give the usual dramatics, stomping around, shaking him, screaming for him to do something normal for once in his life. But then again, Shikamaru wouldn't be nearly as much fun if he did things like normal people.
Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose, eyebrows crooking together as a stress headache began to rear its ugly and ever so familiar head.
"Look," he said, trying to edge the irritation out of his tone. "It's all done and over, so I would love you infinitely if you'd drop the matter and leave it the hell alone. You're also craving an ice cream fix, so I can only surmise that you're feeling as shitty as I am. Spill, wench, and don't you dare tell me you're having troubles with our pleasantly plump mutual friend. I might have to punch you in the ovaries if that's the case."
Ino gave a very unladylike snort and reached down to unlace her shoes. Lace up sandals to the calves were all the rage but a pain in the ass to put on and get off. What she did for fashion.
"I already told you," she wiggled a few freed toes and rubbed her sore ankle. Metallic purple nail polish looked un-chipped, Ino was happy to find. "I already told you! You really have selective hearing. And just try to punch me. You know I can and will kick your ass anytime!" The urge to do so was overwhelming to say the least. "And no, I'm not having problems with Chouji. He's probably the only constant thing in my life-besides you and Sakura and all of you guys, of course."
She reached over to press a few fingers to his neck, adding pressure in certain places. "I should let you borrow my book on pressure points. Does wonders for headaches."
"They're reoccurring," he said shortly, though he leaned into her fingers' ministrations slightly. "Had to go in for MRIs and CTs and shit a couple months back just so they could make sure I don't have a brain tumor or something. Now I keep a headache diary and pop caffeinated aspirins like they're going out of style. ...and I'm sorry about your family. You're welcome to come to the Nara family fishing trip next week, though it'll mostly be my drunk relatives."
"Thanks for the offer, but the last time I went on a Nara family outing I got groped by no less than five relatives, two of your female cousins asked me how I felt about bondage, and your uncle told me I was his blonde Venus and would I pose naked for his paintings?
which your aunt really wasn't too happy about," Ino slid her fingers down to his spinal cord, kneading gently. "You think too much and that's why you get headaches. Give it a rest sometimes. There's no reason to get all stressed."
I should follow my own advice, she thought, feeling the same pressure build up behind her eyes.
"Hear those words? Yeah. Follow them," Shikamaru advised with a wave of one thin hand. "And as far as my family goes, I've always known I'm the only sane one in the bunch. Still, they're my family, and I have to go on the yearly fishing trip no matter if it kills me. I think that this year, though, I'll just dump my beer in the lake instead of drinking it. Maybe the fish will be easier to catch if they're drunk." He rolled his shoulders, stretching until his back popped back into alignment. It was always the family joke that Shikamaru was the old man of his generation, cranky and creaky and acting thirty years older than his bodyage. Well, usually, at least. Lately, his hormones had been muddled enough to shave off a couple decades.
"And Uncle Shikabu ended up doing that painting, you know. It's hanging over the mantle of his fireplace."
"WHAT?" Ino felt the color leave her face and then red spread to her neck. "Shikamaru! Are you kidding me? You better be kidding me!!" The thought was horrifying; Shikamaru's little cousins wondering who the naked lady was in their livingroom and telling their little friends that it was Yamanaka Ino, you know, the almost famous rock star's daughter? If Shikamaru had let some naked picture of her hang somewhere…
One hand pulled Shikamaru down so that she was looming over him dangerously. "Shikamaru. I can kill someone and they will never find the body. I know people."
"FUCK Ino, I was trying to lighten the mood!" Shikamaru howled, his previously receding headache pushing up until he felt like his head weighed thirty pounds more than it should. "Yes, he tried to paint you from pictures Mom had in the old photo album, no, I didn't let him! Shit, wench, like I'd let someone exploit you like that? ---And I thought Chouji and I were your people. There was that body-hiding pact we made when we were like twelve..."
"Oh. Right," Ino said lightly, pulling him back up to finish her massage. "It's hard to take a joke like that when your family is so capable of doing it. Not that I can blame him-I look awesome naked."
People. Her people. The people she was thinking about were guys in all black that carried baseball bats and guns and took people to places and family members never saw them again. "Chouji is too nice to hurt anyone. You're too lazy."
"If someone taped you and Chouji going at it and distributed it, that'd be different," Shikamaru murmured, his eyes closing slightly like a pleased cat. He stretched again, giving her a better angle to rub at. "We'd track them down and kill them, because I can plan a way to do it that won't get us shoved into jail until our teeth fall out and he's almost literally a grizzly bear. Don't underestimate the power of a lazy genius and his chubby sidekick, woman."
There was one knot in particular, by his shoulder blade, that Ino concentrated on. She didn't think lazy people got stressed. Maybe they were just better at hiding it. "How do you know there isn't already a tape circulating the internet?" she joked.
"If it was there," Shikamaru said solemnly, wincing and hissing under his breath as her deft fingers found a large knot, one that had probably started as sleeping in a bad position and then grew as he ignored it. "I would have found it, believe me."
"Shikamaru, too much information! I don't want to know what your activities are," Ino groaned and hit her head against his shoulder. "Besides, Chouji's not the type to go for that kind of thing. He'd probably not be too happy if he found out I taped us or something," she grinned deviously. "Doesn't matter-that stuff's private anyway. Only a select few get to see me in such a state."
Shikamaru smirked. "Wait, wait, give me a minute. I need to finish this mental image." He scrunched his eyes shut and gave a cheshire-cat grin, knowing Ino would probably beat him blue for it. That was more or less the point, because any attention was good attention, as far as he saw it. "...Mmm. Okay. Done. Well, I don't know about you, but that was good for me. We should do this again sometime."
Ino gave him a half hearted body slam, elbowing him in the side. "Yeah, the only time you'll ever see that is in your dreams, you pervert. Oh," she said as an afterthought, "did you manage to see it through the whole time? Or did you run away before it got started?" she asked sweetly.
Oh, burn. Oh, burn.
Shikamaru's cheeks raged lividly as embarrassed blood rushed up to the very tips of his ears. How dare she just---she---GAH. FUCKING WOMAN. She really did like seeing him squirm in pain, didn't she? Just loved laying out his failures in a pretty row, underlining each misspoken word with a highlighter.
Why did he care for her so much? Goddammit.
"That," he squeaked. "Was a blow below the belt, Ino, and you damn well know that. Would you have rather I fucked Kin? I probably still could."
Ino patted his red cheek lightly taking the opportunity to see how well he shaved. She didn't like it when he looked all scruffy. "I know. I couldn't help myself! Truthfully, I'm glad you didn't. Your first time shouldn't be with… with someone like her," Ino decided on, trying to find a more PC term than "a mattress hopping slut". "She's not… I mean,
she's a good person deep down but she doesn't care about hurting people. And I'd have to hurt her if she hurt you-Friends Code, after all."
She made herself comfortable against his side, trying to fight down a smile. "I think your coward defensives definitely proved themselves that time."
"Yeah, well, someday, whatever," Shikamaru growled under his breath, realizing this wasn't anywhere near a full sentence and not exactly caring either way. "A-and I'm not a coward, she just---you weren't there, she was clawing at me and mocking me and what the hell was I supposed to do? Drop my pants and go for it when the woman is two paces away from raping me? Oh hell no. I don't want..." He sighed, slouching down so that Ino's cheek bumped against his. "I don't treat women like that, nor do I ever want to have sex be that way. I...appreciate the...just touching, remembering...fuck, this conversation's becoming far too fuzzy for my tastes."
"I would have run too," she admitted. "Maybe went into the witness protection program. It's not supposed to be like that. Clawing and raping and ugh-that's just bad taste. It's about trust and wanting to really, really be close with someone. She doesn't really understand that. But your parents really care about you and you've had a pretty decent life, so you know what it's truly about and that's what you want. It's not fuzzy, idiot, it's good. Smart."
"I just...this sucks. It really, honestly sucks," he groaned, eyes squeezed shut against his omnipresent headache. This whole situation was just one giant, pulsing, horrible headache. "But...I can wait. I'll borrow some of that damn optimism you've been pushing, and say that yeah, maybe it'll all be okay. ---And you never did say what your father did 'this' time, you know."
Ino bit down on her lip, taking a large breath. "He can't come to see me because he is too busy with his twenty something Swedish masseuse turned… whatever. She's beautiful of course, dumber than a box of rocks, just his type. She's only a few years older than us. I don't know WHAT is problem is. He needs to grow up already!"
Shikamaru patted her head affectionately. "He's trying to convince himself he is A) still young enough to have a decent sex drive, B ), famous enough to garner some modicum of attention, and C), not gay. I think every man goes through this stage somewhere in their life. Don't worry---at least the man you picked doesn't have a wandering eye. He'll never see anyone but you, believe me."
"No but, the male sex tends to get bored very easily," Ino dangled her arm off of the edge of the couch, tapping her nails against the floor. "And for some reason, I have a talent at turning people off." Sakura, of course, was the first example of this. She had tried her college best to be a good friend but there were years that went by when they didn't speak. "I think people get tired of me."
Like her father. Her mother. It was only a matter of time really.
Shikamaru cocked his head to the side to look at her more fully. His brows drew together in a slight frown, and he leaned over to pick up the ice cream carton again, offering Ino a bite.
"We were three when we met, weren't we? That makes it about twenty years we've been together, and you have yet to bore me, Ino." Ino, not 'wench'. That in itself was a touch. "And you know, I get bored very, very easily with troublesome things---more so than my fellow males, I'd wager---so you must be doing something right."
"It's only because without me you'd never get up in the morning," Ino waved off the ice cream. "No one would be yelling at you to do things. Chouji would just let you get away with whatever and your mother is far away." Still, it was nice to hear that. To know that someone actually appreciated the things she did, even if her father was off gallivanting
with yet another foreign beauty that irked Ino.
She wondered why Shikamaru put up with her, in all seriousness. Change was troublesome, Ino decided on. It would be a pain to break in new friends. Plus he got attached and detached at the drop of a hat, just like a cat. Just when you thought he didn't care, he went and said something nice.
"True, but if I needed that extra sleep all that much, I would have dropped you ages ago, just like every other girlfriend I've tried to have," Shikamaru countered with a jaw-unhinging yawn. "They get troublesome after a while, and so I have to let them go. You...won't let me drop you, no matter what kind of bastardly things I do. So shut up and bask in the Shika-love a little, wenchette."
Leaning over, she gave Shikamaru a chaste kiss on the forehead. Then she sat up, rubbing the back of her neck. "Somehow, looking at your pathetic life makes me feel better about everything!" she said cheerfully, big blue eyes sparkling wickedly. "Just when I think my life couldn't get worse, I just have to look at yours!"
"Fuck you, woman," Shikamaru replied in an equally cheerful tone, taking a large bite of ice cream. "I'm going to sit my ass down right here and eat ice cream until A), my headache gets worse, B ), I get fat, or C), I feel marginally better about my life. And I'm ever so glad you get so much enjoyment out of my misery. I love you, too."
"I don't think that B is going to happen, and C seems just as unlikely," Ino crossed her legs lazily, stretching. "Of course you love me. No man can resist," except of course, that little debacle with Sasuke in high school but he was clearly just in denial.
"Two words: Uchiha Sasuke. Oh, and two more: I win," Shikamaru smirked, hoisting himself off the couch and patting his stomach. He sauntered into the kitchen to clean out his bowl and put the remaining ice cream in the freezer. "Neither of us are perfect, Princess Ino."
Perfection was overrated anyway. Flaws are what built character! "He just doesn't realize that he wants me yet. Oh, but he does. And be quiet-I may not be perfect but I am very close to it. I'm good looking, have a sparkling personality, bright, caring, an impeccable dresser," she ticked off on her fingers. "Any man would be lucky to have me."
"And Chouji is. Remember him? Akimichi Chouji, good cook, big smile, a little on the big side? You know, the guy you're sleeping with?" Shikamaru snorted, lowering his voice as he turned on the water to rinse out their bowls. "And you say men get bored easily."
"I didn't forget about him, jeez! I was just stating a fact-clearly, he is a very lucky man. He even said so a few days ago!" Ino blushed a bit at Shikamaru's usual bluntness. "And must you keep bringing up the fact that I have a sex life and you do not?"
"It haunts me like you wouldn't believe," he deadpanned, tugging out his ponytail and ruffling his hair with both hands. It usually helped lessen his headaches, if only by a little. "And it's not like we have anything more exciting to talk about."
Ino rolled her eyes, not for the first time. Talking with Shikamaru was sometimes like talking to a wall. "What, do you want to know what kind of lingerie I wear or what positions I like the best?" she asked dryly, picking up a Cosmo from the coffee table.
"Only if you're up for sharing with the group, Miss Yamanaka," Shikamaru joked in kind, slouching back to the couch and flopping down beside her. He could easily take up two-thirds of the furniture when he put his mind to it. Shunmin sauntered by, tail waving lazily, and Shikamaru gave his furry friend a drive-by pet. "I like girl on top, in theory, but I haven't had much practical experience so to speak."
"Lingerie's okay, I mean, it's pretty but it comes off in a few minutes anyway. I have a lot though," she said thoughtfully, flipping through the magazine. "Girls like it because guys look at you like 'WOW YOU ARE SO HOT' when you're wearing it. Black's nice, red too. Too many frills annoy me. Bows are nice. Corsets are a pain in the ass."
Ino also reached down to lavish some affection on the cat. "Chouji basically lets me do whatever I want. I make it worth his while though."
Shikamaru made an interesting teakettle-going-off sound and left the room.
And that was the end of the conversation.
Funnily enough it was Chouji's mother who calmed her down when she got her first period and was convinced she had Ebola and her insides were melting. It was Shikamaru's dad who danced with her at her sweet sixteen when her father was stuck in London doing some reunion tour.
She was loved and she knew it. She never went hungry, or cold, and when her father was around he was protective and loyal. But those times were too few and far between for Ino's liking. Her parents were like two strangers (two strangers than bought her everything in the world, of course) who came and went as they pleased, occasionally talking to her and spending time with her.
Needy, a voice in her head whispered when she spent the last house crying in the bathroom store of the flower shop before heading home because her father told her he was stuck in Sweden and couldn't make it to her auction, Pathetic another voice agreed.
When the blond finally got home, exhausted both mentally and physically from her days labor, she just kicked off her shoes and landed on the couch with a soft thump. Clothes and hair were in disarray but who was she looking good for?
Shikamaru pushed open the door with his hip---the lock was going; it no longer stuck properly---singing a Bob Dylan song as he entered. Loudly. This was Nara Shikamaru Defense Mechanism Number Eight: sing like a little Asian lark so that people won't ask questions. If he had his mouth busy singing---and the truth of it was that he really did have a nice voice---nobody would intrude. Letting the last chorus of "Just Like a Woman" dribble off, he dropped the defense mechanism to yell: "Wenches, make yourselves known! Who's home?".
He wasn't given an immediate answer from his roommates, so he frowned, shouldering his grocery bag and stomping into the living room. He found Ino on the couch, hands loosely clutched in her lap, her expression drawn tight and her hair mussed wildly.
If he was any judge of mascara, she'd been crying. Shikamaru couldn't rightly say why, but this made his stomach do all sorts of flipflops, and he didn't like it at all.
His frown digging deep lines in his normally calm face, Shikamaru dropped a carton of still-cold ice cream into Ino's lap.
"Get a spoon," he said shortly, as way of greeting.
Nearly going into cardiac arrest at the singing and the barging in of her roommate, Ino quickly wiped under her eyes and caught the ice cream before it could freeze off her uterus. No one was supposed to be home for a few hours so it was perfect sulking time, but Shikamaru had ruined those plans for her. He really wasn't much of a sweets eater so this was doubly strange.
"I told you to stop with that wenches thing, ass," Ino complained half heartedly and grabbed a spoon from the table behind her. As long as it was here, she might as well enjoy it "A wench is like a servant or something."
With one hand she ripped off the lid of the ice cream and attempted to fix her hair with the other. Instead of pulling it back into its original ponytail, she took her hair down and just flicked it over her shoulders. It wouldn't do to have the roots pulled on, after all.
"It adds spice to our life," Shikamaru said flatly, settling himself in next to her and stretching out his long legs and yawning. "So here, listen to me for a second. I've brought ice cream for us both---one carton, innumerable calories---so that we can bitch and attempt to pull the knots out of our current lives. So. Ice cream. Share."
Twirling the spoon between her fingers, Ino dipped it into the ice cream and took out a chunk larger than what a proper lady should. "I'm an unwanted child," she decided on finally. "I think I've been referred to as 'The Accident' in secret by my parents for years. If I died tomorrow, my father would send an e-mail sincerely regretting that he couldn't come because he was jamming with White Snake and send a big diamond for me to be buried with while my mom would come with her hippie garden club do gooders protesting group, form a circle and sing 'Give Peace a Chance' around my grave."
The mental image, while incredibly depressing, was slightly amusing. She was exaggerating obviously, but that was what she did. "You?"
Arrested mid-bite, Shikamaru blinked. "...You're not planning on dying tomorrow, now are you? Because I might have to dibs out of your funeral if that ensemble is going to be trudging in for their reunion tour. Your mother and father have always rocked my brain just a little, you know?" Finishing that bite and sighing, Shikamaru shrugged. "Me, I've just decided that I'm going to become a monk. Sex isn't worth it."
"Sex isn't all that satisfying," Ino said seriously, voice thick with ice cream, "if it isn't with someone you care about. Trust me. It brings you closer to someone and there are some people," she didn't say Kin but it was written all over her face, "even if they are good looking and willing, you don't want to go there."
She was almost afraid to ask if he tried with someone else but that was really something she didn't want to know about.
"You're not male," Shikamaru reminded her gently, stealing another humorously large bite. He managed to fit the entire hunk of frozen dairy product in his mouth and talk around it. "S'not the same, y'know. 'M wired to want sex, but m'brain keeps flashing a critical system error, an' I can't figure out why I can't just...do it." He swallowed, sighing and kicking off his sneakers. They landed in a haphazard heap below the coffee table. "You're right about the whole wanting-someone-I-care-about spiel, but it's rough when that person doesn't care back. So. I'm at an impasse with myself, as it is, and the wench herd here is doing nothing to help."
Ino snorted and rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "Women have just as much of a sex drive as men, you misogynistic bastard. And maybe, just maybe you don't want to have sex with just ANYONE." Ew. Who would do that anyway? "And who do you like? When did you like someone?!"
Was she that caught up in her life that she completely missed what was going on in his life??
"Like I care about a woman's sex drive," Shikamaru said glibly, only just missing the ice cream-coated spoon aimed at his messy hair. He smirked, ever the asshole and enjoying it. Maybe it'd distract his friend from that ominous second half of her question. "And...it didn't pan out. That's all you need to know."
"Maybe if you cared more about what women want instead of what you want, that girl would have liked you back," Ino poked him none too gently in the side. "Girls like it when guys care about how they feel and what they want." This was, of course, one of the reasons she was so fond of Chouji. He didn't let himself get walked all over but he honestly and genuinely wanted to know what she felt/thought/needed.
"I do care," he mumbled, fairly gruffly. "I just can't...say it. I can't..." Shikamaru huffed a sigh, pushing his hair out of his face and licking off his spoon. "...just never mind about me. It's dumb, and I'm over it."
"You could say it if you weren't such a coward. And you're not dumb, you're just ridiculous sometimes!" Ino dropped her spoon into the ice cream, crossing her arms over her chest. Cold fingers instantly warmed up. "You think too much and then opportunity passes you by."
Shikamaru tossed his spoon in the carton with a soft but acidic curse, flopping back on the couch bonelessly. Amazingly, the ice cream was not working as it should have been. Since when did the goodness of empty calories and sugar fail him? His life really was on a downhill slide.
Stupid mind-reading wench. He really hated it when she was right.
"Yes, I missed my opportunity---twice over. I know. Fuckin' drop it and let me wallow properly."
Bingo. The look on his face revealed much more than he was saying. And she got him to admit something. Noble Prize, here I come. The truth hurt, yes, but wasn't it her job as his friend to tell him the truth?
"So you missed your opportunity. There will be other opportunities," she ignored how absolutely miserable he sounded because she just wanted to slap it out of him. "You've got a lot going for you. You just need to put more effort into things. I mean, maybe that girl didn't know that you were even interested."
"She should have known," Shikamaru snapped, feeling altogether peeved at the way Ino kept grinding the metaphorical cigarette butt of his failure in his face. For the sake of the relationship that was supposedly making her gush happiness out her ears---and why did she need the ice cream pick-me-up, then, he wondered with a note of irritation---he'd stepped off and clammed up. He'd stuffed it all down to fester, because he knew things never worked as planned, especially in the real world and especially especially in relationships.
Chouji and Ino didn't have a Shika-shaped hole in their relationship. They didn't need him around any further than a friendly and familiar face to gab at from time to time. Shikamaru had missed his opportunity because he'd been too afraid to make waves, and now he was silently suffering through the aftermath.
Yeah, there were other people to be with, but he didn't want anyone else.
"She should have known, because she knew me. She should have known because I hate unnecessary talk. She should have asked, wondered why I am the way I am, why I do things the way I do. I didn't want to put the effort in because I knew I wouldn't be heard either way."
One eyebrow arched at him curiously, leaning back on the arm of the couch and just studying him. "You're being too harsh. People aren't mind readers, even close friends or lovers. And you always shut people out. When they try to ask you how you are or what's wrong you just clam up and start getting nasty," this, she knew, first hand. "Most people don't understand you. They don't realize some of the things you do are because you care. That's why if it's worth it, you just have to say it."
She was talking with the calmness of a therapist because she was just too emotionally drained to give the usual dramatics, stomping around, shaking him, screaming for him to do something normal for once in his life. But then again, Shikamaru wouldn't be nearly as much fun if he did things like normal people.
Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose, eyebrows crooking together as a stress headache began to rear its ugly and ever so familiar head.
"Look," he said, trying to edge the irritation out of his tone. "It's all done and over, so I would love you infinitely if you'd drop the matter and leave it the hell alone. You're also craving an ice cream fix, so I can only surmise that you're feeling as shitty as I am. Spill, wench, and don't you dare tell me you're having troubles with our pleasantly plump mutual friend. I might have to punch you in the ovaries if that's the case."
Ino gave a very unladylike snort and reached down to unlace her shoes. Lace up sandals to the calves were all the rage but a pain in the ass to put on and get off. What she did for fashion.
"I already told you," she wiggled a few freed toes and rubbed her sore ankle. Metallic purple nail polish looked un-chipped, Ino was happy to find. "I already told you! You really have selective hearing. And just try to punch me. You know I can and will kick your ass anytime!" The urge to do so was overwhelming to say the least. "And no, I'm not having problems with Chouji. He's probably the only constant thing in my life-besides you and Sakura and all of you guys, of course."
She reached over to press a few fingers to his neck, adding pressure in certain places. "I should let you borrow my book on pressure points. Does wonders for headaches."
"They're reoccurring," he said shortly, though he leaned into her fingers' ministrations slightly. "Had to go in for MRIs and CTs and shit a couple months back just so they could make sure I don't have a brain tumor or something. Now I keep a headache diary and pop caffeinated aspirins like they're going out of style. ...and I'm sorry about your family. You're welcome to come to the Nara family fishing trip next week, though it'll mostly be my drunk relatives."
"Thanks for the offer, but the last time I went on a Nara family outing I got groped by no less than five relatives, two of your female cousins asked me how I felt about bondage, and your uncle told me I was his blonde Venus and would I pose naked for his paintings?
which your aunt really wasn't too happy about," Ino slid her fingers down to his spinal cord, kneading gently. "You think too much and that's why you get headaches. Give it a rest sometimes. There's no reason to get all stressed."
I should follow my own advice, she thought, feeling the same pressure build up behind her eyes.
"Hear those words? Yeah. Follow them," Shikamaru advised with a wave of one thin hand. "And as far as my family goes, I've always known I'm the only sane one in the bunch. Still, they're my family, and I have to go on the yearly fishing trip no matter if it kills me. I think that this year, though, I'll just dump my beer in the lake instead of drinking it. Maybe the fish will be easier to catch if they're drunk." He rolled his shoulders, stretching until his back popped back into alignment. It was always the family joke that Shikamaru was the old man of his generation, cranky and creaky and acting thirty years older than his bodyage. Well, usually, at least. Lately, his hormones had been muddled enough to shave off a couple decades.
"And Uncle Shikabu ended up doing that painting, you know. It's hanging over the mantle of his fireplace."
"WHAT?" Ino felt the color leave her face and then red spread to her neck. "Shikamaru! Are you kidding me? You better be kidding me!!" The thought was horrifying; Shikamaru's little cousins wondering who the naked lady was in their livingroom and telling their little friends that it was Yamanaka Ino, you know, the almost famous rock star's daughter? If Shikamaru had let some naked picture of her hang somewhere…
One hand pulled Shikamaru down so that she was looming over him dangerously. "Shikamaru. I can kill someone and they will never find the body. I know people."
"FUCK Ino, I was trying to lighten the mood!" Shikamaru howled, his previously receding headache pushing up until he felt like his head weighed thirty pounds more than it should. "Yes, he tried to paint you from pictures Mom had in the old photo album, no, I didn't let him! Shit, wench, like I'd let someone exploit you like that? ---And I thought Chouji and I were your people. There was that body-hiding pact we made when we were like twelve..."
"Oh. Right," Ino said lightly, pulling him back up to finish her massage. "It's hard to take a joke like that when your family is so capable of doing it. Not that I can blame him-I look awesome naked."
People. Her people. The people she was thinking about were guys in all black that carried baseball bats and guns and took people to places and family members never saw them again. "Chouji is too nice to hurt anyone. You're too lazy."
"If someone taped you and Chouji going at it and distributed it, that'd be different," Shikamaru murmured, his eyes closing slightly like a pleased cat. He stretched again, giving her a better angle to rub at. "We'd track them down and kill them, because I can plan a way to do it that won't get us shoved into jail until our teeth fall out and he's almost literally a grizzly bear. Don't underestimate the power of a lazy genius and his chubby sidekick, woman."
There was one knot in particular, by his shoulder blade, that Ino concentrated on. She didn't think lazy people got stressed. Maybe they were just better at hiding it. "How do you know there isn't already a tape circulating the internet?" she joked.
"If it was there," Shikamaru said solemnly, wincing and hissing under his breath as her deft fingers found a large knot, one that had probably started as sleeping in a bad position and then grew as he ignored it. "I would have found it, believe me."
"Shikamaru, too much information! I don't want to know what your activities are," Ino groaned and hit her head against his shoulder. "Besides, Chouji's not the type to go for that kind of thing. He'd probably not be too happy if he found out I taped us or something," she grinned deviously. "Doesn't matter-that stuff's private anyway. Only a select few get to see me in such a state."
Shikamaru smirked. "Wait, wait, give me a minute. I need to finish this mental image." He scrunched his eyes shut and gave a cheshire-cat grin, knowing Ino would probably beat him blue for it. That was more or less the point, because any attention was good attention, as far as he saw it. "...Mmm. Okay. Done. Well, I don't know about you, but that was good for me. We should do this again sometime."
Ino gave him a half hearted body slam, elbowing him in the side. "Yeah, the only time you'll ever see that is in your dreams, you pervert. Oh," she said as an afterthought, "did you manage to see it through the whole time? Or did you run away before it got started?" she asked sweetly.
Oh, burn. Oh, burn.
Shikamaru's cheeks raged lividly as embarrassed blood rushed up to the very tips of his ears. How dare she just---she---GAH. FUCKING WOMAN. She really did like seeing him squirm in pain, didn't she? Just loved laying out his failures in a pretty row, underlining each misspoken word with a highlighter.
Why did he care for her so much? Goddammit.
"That," he squeaked. "Was a blow below the belt, Ino, and you damn well know that. Would you have rather I fucked Kin? I probably still could."
Ino patted his red cheek lightly taking the opportunity to see how well he shaved. She didn't like it when he looked all scruffy. "I know. I couldn't help myself! Truthfully, I'm glad you didn't. Your first time shouldn't be with… with someone like her," Ino decided on, trying to find a more PC term than "a mattress hopping slut". "She's not… I mean,
she's a good person deep down but she doesn't care about hurting people. And I'd have to hurt her if she hurt you-Friends Code, after all."
She made herself comfortable against his side, trying to fight down a smile. "I think your coward defensives definitely proved themselves that time."
"Yeah, well, someday, whatever," Shikamaru growled under his breath, realizing this wasn't anywhere near a full sentence and not exactly caring either way. "A-and I'm not a coward, she just---you weren't there, she was clawing at me and mocking me and what the hell was I supposed to do? Drop my pants and go for it when the woman is two paces away from raping me? Oh hell no. I don't want..." He sighed, slouching down so that Ino's cheek bumped against his. "I don't treat women like that, nor do I ever want to have sex be that way. I...appreciate the...just touching, remembering...fuck, this conversation's becoming far too fuzzy for my tastes."
"I would have run too," she admitted. "Maybe went into the witness protection program. It's not supposed to be like that. Clawing and raping and ugh-that's just bad taste. It's about trust and wanting to really, really be close with someone. She doesn't really understand that. But your parents really care about you and you've had a pretty decent life, so you know what it's truly about and that's what you want. It's not fuzzy, idiot, it's good. Smart."
"I just...this sucks. It really, honestly sucks," he groaned, eyes squeezed shut against his omnipresent headache. This whole situation was just one giant, pulsing, horrible headache. "But...I can wait. I'll borrow some of that damn optimism you've been pushing, and say that yeah, maybe it'll all be okay. ---And you never did say what your father did 'this' time, you know."
Ino bit down on her lip, taking a large breath. "He can't come to see me because he is too busy with his twenty something Swedish masseuse turned… whatever. She's beautiful of course, dumber than a box of rocks, just his type. She's only a few years older than us. I don't know WHAT is problem is. He needs to grow up already!"
Shikamaru patted her head affectionately. "He's trying to convince himself he is A) still young enough to have a decent sex drive, B ), famous enough to garner some modicum of attention, and C), not gay. I think every man goes through this stage somewhere in their life. Don't worry---at least the man you picked doesn't have a wandering eye. He'll never see anyone but you, believe me."
"No but, the male sex tends to get bored very easily," Ino dangled her arm off of the edge of the couch, tapping her nails against the floor. "And for some reason, I have a talent at turning people off." Sakura, of course, was the first example of this. She had tried her college best to be a good friend but there were years that went by when they didn't speak. "I think people get tired of me."
Like her father. Her mother. It was only a matter of time really.
Shikamaru cocked his head to the side to look at her more fully. His brows drew together in a slight frown, and he leaned over to pick up the ice cream carton again, offering Ino a bite.
"We were three when we met, weren't we? That makes it about twenty years we've been together, and you have yet to bore me, Ino." Ino, not 'wench'. That in itself was a touch. "And you know, I get bored very, very easily with troublesome things---more so than my fellow males, I'd wager---so you must be doing something right."
"It's only because without me you'd never get up in the morning," Ino waved off the ice cream. "No one would be yelling at you to do things. Chouji would just let you get away with whatever and your mother is far away." Still, it was nice to hear that. To know that someone actually appreciated the things she did, even if her father was off gallivanting
with yet another foreign beauty that irked Ino.
She wondered why Shikamaru put up with her, in all seriousness. Change was troublesome, Ino decided on. It would be a pain to break in new friends. Plus he got attached and detached at the drop of a hat, just like a cat. Just when you thought he didn't care, he went and said something nice.
"True, but if I needed that extra sleep all that much, I would have dropped you ages ago, just like every other girlfriend I've tried to have," Shikamaru countered with a jaw-unhinging yawn. "They get troublesome after a while, and so I have to let them go. You...won't let me drop you, no matter what kind of bastardly things I do. So shut up and bask in the Shika-love a little, wenchette."
Leaning over, she gave Shikamaru a chaste kiss on the forehead. Then she sat up, rubbing the back of her neck. "Somehow, looking at your pathetic life makes me feel better about everything!" she said cheerfully, big blue eyes sparkling wickedly. "Just when I think my life couldn't get worse, I just have to look at yours!"
"Fuck you, woman," Shikamaru replied in an equally cheerful tone, taking a large bite of ice cream. "I'm going to sit my ass down right here and eat ice cream until A), my headache gets worse, B ), I get fat, or C), I feel marginally better about my life. And I'm ever so glad you get so much enjoyment out of my misery. I love you, too."
"I don't think that B is going to happen, and C seems just as unlikely," Ino crossed her legs lazily, stretching. "Of course you love me. No man can resist," except of course, that little debacle with Sasuke in high school but he was clearly just in denial.
"Two words: Uchiha Sasuke. Oh, and two more: I win," Shikamaru smirked, hoisting himself off the couch and patting his stomach. He sauntered into the kitchen to clean out his bowl and put the remaining ice cream in the freezer. "Neither of us are perfect, Princess Ino."
Perfection was overrated anyway. Flaws are what built character! "He just doesn't realize that he wants me yet. Oh, but he does. And be quiet-I may not be perfect but I am very close to it. I'm good looking, have a sparkling personality, bright, caring, an impeccable dresser," she ticked off on her fingers. "Any man would be lucky to have me."
"And Chouji is. Remember him? Akimichi Chouji, good cook, big smile, a little on the big side? You know, the guy you're sleeping with?" Shikamaru snorted, lowering his voice as he turned on the water to rinse out their bowls. "And you say men get bored easily."
"I didn't forget about him, jeez! I was just stating a fact-clearly, he is a very lucky man. He even said so a few days ago!" Ino blushed a bit at Shikamaru's usual bluntness. "And must you keep bringing up the fact that I have a sex life and you do not?"
"It haunts me like you wouldn't believe," he deadpanned, tugging out his ponytail and ruffling his hair with both hands. It usually helped lessen his headaches, if only by a little. "And it's not like we have anything more exciting to talk about."
Ino rolled her eyes, not for the first time. Talking with Shikamaru was sometimes like talking to a wall. "What, do you want to know what kind of lingerie I wear or what positions I like the best?" she asked dryly, picking up a Cosmo from the coffee table.
"Only if you're up for sharing with the group, Miss Yamanaka," Shikamaru joked in kind, slouching back to the couch and flopping down beside her. He could easily take up two-thirds of the furniture when he put his mind to it. Shunmin sauntered by, tail waving lazily, and Shikamaru gave his furry friend a drive-by pet. "I like girl on top, in theory, but I haven't had much practical experience so to speak."
"Lingerie's okay, I mean, it's pretty but it comes off in a few minutes anyway. I have a lot though," she said thoughtfully, flipping through the magazine. "Girls like it because guys look at you like 'WOW YOU ARE SO HOT' when you're wearing it. Black's nice, red too. Too many frills annoy me. Bows are nice. Corsets are a pain in the ass."
Ino also reached down to lavish some affection on the cat. "Chouji basically lets me do whatever I want. I make it worth his while though."
Shikamaru made an interesting teakettle-going-off sound and left the room.
And that was the end of the conversation.