actions speak louder
Pairing: Hyde/Gackt
Rating: T
Summary: Gackt is hiding something from Hyde, is it enough to break them apart?
Warning: Appearances of Kaz
Disclaimer: I don’t own anyone or anything but my own ideas
~*****~
Upon arriving home to his large house, Hyde closed the large white oak door with a sigh and looked about his house, nothing. No one. Where was Gackt?
“Gacchan? Are you here?” casting his dark brown eyes around his house in wonder, the younger man was suppose to be here to welcome him home today, normally he’d be the first thing he saw after a long day of working at the studio. A warm chest, plush lips, a deep loving voice full of adoration and compassion, and true light brown eyes normally shaded over with false blue.
“Gackt! Where are you!?” walking into his living room nothing seemed out of the ordinary when suddenly he heard footsteps coming down his flight of stairs, footsteps he knew.
“Hyde! I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” the soloist apologized running down the stairs and up to his older lover, hugging the man tightly before giving him a deep kiss, Gackt smiled down at Hyde.
“What were you doing up there?”
“Nothing much, just checking my mail,” the black haired man answered as he lead the vocalist to sit on the couch, “what are you up for?” Gackt asked, automatically knowing his Hyde was always hungry after a day at the studio, or pretty much anytime for that matter.
“Thai food,” the small man answered, placing his feet on his coffee table, taking off his white jacket and flipping the TV on without hesitation.
“Thai food? Do you want to go out?”
“Hmm,”
“Do you have any ideas as to what you want?”
“Hmm,”
“Hyde, I can’t read your mind,” Gackt stated with amusement in his light brown eyes, when Hyde turned around to glare at him,
“Liar, you know me like I know you Gacchan, two halves of a whole being or so you keep calling us,” Hyde smirked, as Gackt smiled back to him getting up from the high chair by the kitchen island table, the tall man came over to Hyde and leaned down over him. Placing his lips on his older lover gently, Hyde pressed upward and turned the soft kiss Gackt wanted to the passionate lovesick kiss Hyde needed.
“What was that for?” Gackt asked, breathlessly.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t like it Gacchan,” the vocalist smirked at the appearance of a light tint of pink on Gackt’s face,
“I never said that Hyde, I love your kisses,” Gackt grinned cheekily, leaning over once more to kiss his lover when his phone suddenly rang an unfamiliar ringtone.
“Who’s that?” deep brown eyes looked up in confusion, before a smile graced his sight.
“I’ll just be a minute Hyde, figure out if you want to go out or not when I get back alright?” ignoring the question, the tall man walked off into the conjoining room, leaving a confused lover behind.
~*****~
“Hyde! Get to bed would you?” the blue eyed soloist stated with amused eyes, as his older lover was playing a new game You had bought the man just a few days ago, since then he’s been stuck on the thing whenever he had free time.
“In a minute! I’m almost-- ah! Fuck! No! damn it!!!” the forty-one year old cursed as he fell backward onto his fall out couch, looking up to the ceiling when he heard typing from the computer his young lover was currently on. “I lost, damn monster!”
“Tired?”
“Hmm, not really,” the auburn haired man answered with a yawn, contradicting his statement. Looking backward to his lover, he asked
“What are you doing Gacchan?”
“Hmm? Nothing much,” the younger answered, not breaking his sight from the LCD screen as Hyde turned into his stomach and got up, walking up to the black wavy haired man with curiosity.
It was months that went like this. Hyde would catch Gackt stuck on his computer or looking at his phone as if waiting for someone to call him, Hyde would then ask who it was he was waiting for and Gackt would never really answer him.
He’d hear the excuse “it’s no one” “just mail” “I’m waiting for an important call” or something of the like, but never a name.
And so thinking he would finally see what Gackt was doing Hyde decided to sneak to look at what his lover was doing, looking over the tall man’s shoulders before...
The screen turned black, and blue eyes turned to look at him “Hyde what are you doing?”
“Spying on you,” came the cheeky answer as Hyde continuing to look over his lover’s shoulder when Gackt stood up and pulled his older lover away from the computer, “ah Gacchan!”
“Enough now Hyde, get to bed.”
“But I want to know what you’re doing,” the brunet whined as the soloist held him by the waist and lead him to his bedroom,
“I’m not doing much, just trying to put my fussy lover to bed,” Gackt grinned when Hyde pouted,
“That’s not what I mean Gackt, what were you doing on the computer so diligently?”
“It’s not important Hyde, here I’ll lay with you okay?” the soloist said as he took Hyde to bed, both already in their pajamas, Gackt pulled the covers over the smaller man as he curled up to him, holding Hyde’s hand.
“I’m going to find out what you’re hiding from me one day Gacchan,” dark brown eyes looked up in promise,
“Get some sleep Hyde, you need it,” came the cheeky reply from the younger man, when Hyde hit his lover and took his hand away, turning the other way in silence.
The dark haired man could feel blue eyes on his back in instant guilt.
“Hyde!” a soft baritone voice spoke, feeling a dip in the bed closer to him soon arms wound themselves around Hyde’s torso. Still he remained silent and turned away,
“Hyde-chan….”
“….”
“I’m sorry okay, forgive me?” the warm body of the taller man moved to caress his back, legs intertwined with his own and arms holding him close, a mouth on his neck
“I’m just watching over you Hyde, you’ve been tired and stressed more lately,” Gackt whispered gently placing butterfly kisses on Hyde’s back, outlining the angel wing tattoo he knew by heart, as the edges peaked out from under the thin muscle shirt.
“Gackt,”
“Yes Hyde?” automatically the sad voice that pained him every time Gackt used it, perked up in hopes of being forgiven when Hyde turned to look at the younger man, blue contacts still in as they stared at him; Hyde faced away once more and rested his head on the pillow.
“Shut up and go to sleep,” with the finality in his voice, the younger man had no other choice but to comply, if it was the only thing that made Hyde forgive him then, Gackt would sleep.
As light brown orbs, no longer covered with blue plastic closed and a deep and rhythmic breath filled the room, Hyde kept his eyes open in thought; a tight line of his fine lips and a knot in his brow-- Hyde began to think.
What was Gackt hiding from him?
~*****~
Walking up the driveway up to his house, Hyde thought back to his day off with Kaz, fellow guitarist of VAMPS.
“What do you think?”
“Well, I mean it just doesn’t seem like Gackt is the kind of person who would cheat on someone he loves, especially you Hyde,” the black eyed man stated to his partner as they sat at a local café,
“I thought so too, but he just acts differently some times in certain months, and then goes back to being himself,”
“How does he act again?” leaning on his forearms, the tattoos on his right arm glaring under the florescent lights and morning sun,
“He acts like he’s hiding something Kaz, always on the computer and turning it off just before I can see anything, he checks his phone for any messages and even has a ringtone for that person, a ringtone I don’t know who belong too.” The vocalist groaned running an agitated hand through his dark auburn colored locks.
“And how long has this been going on?”
“A little over two years,”
“Two years?!”
“Well, not too soon after we got together really,”
“Hyde, what made you wait this long to tell me or someone? If it really is bothering you.”
“I thought it’d go away, or something…I don’t know anymore, fuck it all!” gripping his cup of coffee a bit too tightly, Kaz looked at his friend in sympathy.
“Hyde,” almost black eyes looked up at him, as the guitarist smiled taking off his large sunglasses and looking directly into his fellow VAMPS partner.
“I think you need to talk to him, don’t stop until you get an answer and if it really is that Gackt is cheating on you, which I’m not saying he is!” the man stated quickly as he saw anger and fear mingle into the vocalist’s face- a bad combo when on the face of Hyde,
“As I was saying….”
Hyde sighed, playing with the keys to his house in his hand, as his black boots fell into a short rhythm on his driveway thinking back to his tattooed friend’s words Hyde began to open his door when he heard a voice from the other side.
And suddenly Kaz’s last words rang the loudest in his ears.
“I think you should leave him, Hyde.”
~*****~
Walking around his older lover’s house, pacing almost, Gackt looked to his phone for that one person’s call.
Only that one person could give him what he craved for, it was an addiction or so he’d call it if his pride allowed him. Gackt shook his head of such thoughts in frustration,
“It’s not addiction, I just simply need them for my own reasons.” Came the excuse he gave himself every time he found himself calling the person on his phone back, before it was a call to the person once maybe twice a year. But once Hyde came along, he thought the addiction would die away, no. It only got harder to control.
Gackt found himself calling the person three times a month, every so often it was embarrassing. But what he needed, Gackt got, and so for this one time, this one thing he needed; he’d repress his pride.
A ringtone from his cell broke the soloist from his thoughts and knowing automatically that this was the person he needed to talk to, the wavy black haired man opened his cell and spoke.
“Hello?” the voice on the other line answered,
“Yes, do you have what I asked for?” blue eyes staring hard into the wall, as the voice answered he nodded,
“Good, good and when will they arrive?” the voice on the other line went silent for a moment before speaking again, and Gackt found himself grinning.
“I can’t wait to see--” before he could finish his sentence however…the door opened and standing the doorway, before him.
Was Hyde.
~*****~
“I can’t wait to see--” taking his ear away from the door in disgust and horror, Hyde felt for a moment the urge to run, leave and pretend he hadn’t heard the happiness in Gackt’s voice as he spoke to the person on the phone.
Leave this horrible notion of Gackt cheating on him and just go on pretending it didn’t bother him, Gackt would never be the wiser. But-- that moment quickly passed in Hyde’s mind before anger and betrayal took over.
The person on the phone was the one who was taking his Gackt, the man who loved and adored him only was being stolen by this fucker! And Gackt….
Practically breaking into his own house, Hyde stepped into the doorway to see a shocked Gackt standing before him, holding his phone by his ear like a deer in headlights; the anger in Hyde only bubbled even more.
“H-Hyde what are you-”
“Shut up Gackt!” flinching at the shear force of the man’s voice, Gackt closed his phone and attempted a smile for his older lover,
“Hyde I don’t see--”
“No, you don’t,” came the brisk response from the small man as he sidestepped out of his doorway and pointed towards the door, glaring his deep brown eyes at the light brown eyed man, unconsciously Hyde noticed Gackt wasn’t wearing his contacts. “Get out.”
“E-excuse me?” frozen in place, the beating of his heart keeping him from forgetting to breath just barely, Gackt stared at his lover with hurt confusion. What happened?
Why was Hyde so angry? Had he done something to anger the vocalist? Gackt searched his mind for any evidence of such an act towards his lover but when nothing came up, the anger in Hyde’s eyes told him he didn’t need to find one; either way, he was good as dead.
“I said get the fuck out of my fucking house Camui Gackt!” Hyde never called him by his last name. Ever.
“H-Hyde I don’t understand, did I do something to anger you? I-I don’t, what happened? Please tell me!” daring to take a step to his lover, the love of his life. Gackt looked for condolence in those normally warm dark brown orbs, but now….all he saw was hatred and betrayal.
But why?!
“Why don’t you go talk to your other lover, go cry on their shoulder instead and get the fuck out!” now screaming, Hyde forced his tears back; he didn’t want to see the satisfaction on Gackt's face in seeing him cry. But…it was so damn hard. And before he knew it, Hyde’s sight began to waver as tears fell from his face, the sight on Gackt’s face fell as well.
“H-Hyde why are you-- Hyde what! Where did you get the idea I have another lover?! I don’t love anyone but you--”
“Save it, and get out now Gackt before I force you out myself!” the older man’s voice broken and harsh, now black orbs watched as the taller man began moving, slowly towards him pleading him with his eyes to not make him leave.
Shutting the door, Hyde ignored those light brown eyes as well as his bleeding heart. Not bothering to brush away his cascading tears.
~*****~
Days pasted and call after call filled his voice mail, his house phone, business cell as well as his personal line, but Hyde ignored them all.
Gackt sighed in defeat, his eyes stained red with tears that refused to stop for three days now. He couldn’t give up. Something happened to Hyde, something made him angry at him and Gackt needed to know what he did.
He needed to apologize to his lover, ask for forgiveness as a friend. Gackt wanted his Hyde back! And so not stopping in his callings, the soloist turned to the members of L’Arc for information on Hyde.
He called Tetsuya. Only to have nothing in response, Hyde didn’t go to his best friend? Then who…
He called Ken. The guitarist didn’t know anything either, Hyde didn’t go to him either? Then…
He called Yukihiro. Hoping for something, Gackt was once again shot down when even the drummer didn’t know what he was talking about.
“Fuck! Who can I call now!? Who did Hyde talk to….” but before he could go on with that sentence, the thought hit him; Kaz.
If not L’Arc~en~Ciel then, VAMPS.
Looking through his phone list for the guitarist’s number, the one his lover gave him just in case he needed to get in contact with him while he was working with his duo project; Gackt found the number and called Kaz’s number.
Four rings or so after and a voice answered him. “Hello?”
“Hello Kaz-san? This is Gackt,”
“What the hell do you want?” the voice broke into a harsh and cutting tone instantly, and just then did Gackt know who Hyde went to.
He asked the guitarist to meet him somewhere to discuss the very person of his thoughts, though Kaz had tried to avoid meeting with him, the soloist would not let up. In the end, from an hour until now, he’d meet up with Kaz and find out why, his Hyde hated him.
“Tell me again what Hyde told you,” Gackt asked politely when the guitarist didn’t seem to let up, Kaz let out a sigh and crossed his arms across his chest, glaring at the man before him.
“Hyde told me for about two years or so, you’ve been acting weird,”
“Weird? How so?” there was nothing weird about him, Gackt knew he was odd and eccentric at times but nothing Hyde wasn’t used too; nothing Hyde didn’t know about him and how he acted, who he was.
“He says you’ve been staying to the computer, looking at your phone,”
“Excuse me? Kaz-san you’re not making any sense,” Gackt told, not knowing how being on the computer and checking his phone was bad or anything. The look in the other man’s eyes only got darker, his words suddenly making perfect sense.
“He told me, he thinks you’ve been cheating on him Gackt-san,”
The star of GacktJOB felt his stomach fall, swallowing his heart and lungs with it. He wasn’t able to think, but unconsciously every thing made sense. Hyde’s outburst to him three days ago, the lover remark, those nights he’d go to sleep quiet, the days he’d look at him oddly-- and even the hard kisses, could those have been because Hyde was afraid…of losing him?
“I- I see, thank you Kaz-san, for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with me, but I need to go now,” getting up from his chair, the tall man began to leave when Kaz called him back,
“Gackt,”
“Yes?”
“You better make things right with Hyde,” although his voice was hard, Gackt saw the kindness in Kaz’s black eyes and the soloist nodded.
“I will. I promise.” Gackt never broke his promises.
~*****~
Sitting on his couch with his cell phone in hand, Hyde checked it for any new messages from Gackt. He knew he should stop, Gackt and him were over. He had cheated on him for so damn long, all under his nose. He couldn’t love Gackt anymore.
Hyde knew this. He knew he should be getting to the studios early and working on the new single for VAMPS and promoting L’Arc’s Pepsi commercial, but…he had been Gackt’s friend for years, and then his lover just recently a few years back. Suddenly, living without him, felt close to impossible.
“No, he did this, not me. He can’t have two people,” nodding his dark auburn hair, agreeing with himself Hyde leaned back in his couch,
“He cheated on me…there’s no going back anymore.” And yet, even though he voiced his thoughts, his heart screamed another. It told him, Gackt would never do something like this to him. Gackt wasn’t the kind of guy who would-- hurt him like this.
“Gacchan…” suddenly Hyde heard his doorknob moved, and then open as someone came in. No one had his house keys other than his band mates and…..
“Gackt.”
Looking up at his name, Gackt’s brown eyes met with Hyde’s and time stood still. Before someone spoke,
“What are you doing here.” Hyde’s voice hard but easily detectable to Gackt that it was forced. He dared to take a step into the house they often shared, and closed the large white oak door behind him. It just the two of them now,
“Hyde, I wanted to speak with you,”
“Get out, I have nothing to say to you,” pointing to the door, the older man remained seated on his couch, clenching his fists,
“Then you will listen Hyde, because I want to tell you that I have never nor will I ever cheat on you.”
“Liar,” he heard his older lover scoff, running a hand through his dark colored hair an act he did whenever he was frustrated or stressed. Gackt walked up to the man until he stood in front of him
“I am no liar Hyde, you know that.”
“Really? Do I really know you at all Gacchan for all I know you could have been playing me all this time!” stressing his nickname, the soloist glared down at his lover.
“I was not playing you Hyde, that person on the phone wasn’t my other lover,”
“Right, and all those times you tried to hide what you were doing on the computer and checking your phone wasn’t your-”
“Listen to me Hyde!” interrupting the man, Gackt saw Hyde’s face shot open in shock at his outburst before looking up at him in a glare. Black eyes, normally a warm dark brown, was surrounded by red and Gackt knew Hyde was as hurt as he was about what happened three days ago.
He himself, had the same bloodshot eyes surrounding his natural light brown irises, in the days without Hyde Gackt felt no reason to put in his blue contacts. For Hyde only, all he wanted was to remain the light brown eyed Gacchan, rather than the blue eyed Gackt the world loved.
“Hyde, it’s not what you think,”
“Not what I think? Gackt it’s been happening ever since we started dating! Two fucking years ago!” standing up to his full height, Hyde’s very presence made even the much taller Gackt step back one, before returning to his place just mere inches from Hyde’s face.
“That was because I--” stopping himself short, the soloist felt himself blush, darting his eyes away from his older lover’s face for a moment before Hyde demanded why he stopped. The soloist felt his heart race.
He had never told anyone before not even You. It was his secret addiction, no one was suppose to know but… since it’s Hyde. Gackt felt his face turn hot pink clashing beautifully with his light brown eyes and wavy black hair.
“I-I’m a Hydeist, Hyde.”
~*****~
He expected Gackt to tell him he did have another lover, or try to win him back, hug him, kiss him, talk to him in that deep baritone voice of his and look at him with those rarely seen true Asian eyes. Staring up at his supposed cheating younger lover, Hyde was not expecting to hear that- of all things.
Black eyes looked up in confusion “what did you say?”
“…I said Hyde, I’m a Hydeist,”
“What does that have to--” without finishing his sentence, Hyde automatically put two and two together. All those times Gackt was on the computer it was for e-mails on new items he would send out to his fans, not messages to another person. All those times Gackt checked his phone and talked to that person it was for information on the next shipment of things from his Hydeist site not lovely words of promises and lust.
Unable to help it, against his still red eyes the older man felt a small grin form on his face.
All this time…Gackt. Bubbling within him, deep in his stomach and out though his mouth Hyde let out a laugh; free and carefree. Heartwarming after three days of sorrow and tears.
He felt a hot gaze stare at him in accusation before he heard a laugh follow him, their voices mingling in harmony.
Calming down a bit Hyde fell down onto his couch as Gackt did the same sitting beside him, they tried to catch their breaths before someone spoke;
“Hyde?”
“Hmm?” looking to his left, large true eyes gazing back at him in hope and guilt, Hyde already knew his answer.
“Does this-- can you ever forgive me? I didn’t mean to keep this from you, and I never thought it’d lead you to think I’d ever cheat on you, I love you Hyde more than-”
“Anything, you’d give me your heart, your soul and even your fame if I asked, right?” finishing off his younger lover’s favorite declaration of love for him, Hyde leaned over to the soloist placing his head on the shoulder that, deep down he knew, would always be there for him.
“Are you angry at me anymore?” looking up at the younger man, whose face glowed with innocence and adoration for him, Hyde leaned up and gently kissed his lover. Warm thin lips on a wet plush mouth.
“No Gacchan, I’m not, can you forgive me?” dark warm brown eyes now their normal color glanced up at his lover. It was hard to believe such a look belonged to a forty plus year old rock star though Gackt couldn’t love it anymore than he already did.
Leaning down and taking his lover’s lips, turning the gentle touch of lips from before into a burning passionate filled lock of wet mouths, Gackt pulled away holding Hyde’s head in his hands gentle and sweet. His true eyes staring into his love’s,
“I could never be angry at you Hyde. I love you.”
“I love you too Gacchan,” Hyde answered. This time he knew without a doubt, Gackt would never try to hurt him. Taking the younger man into his arms, with a content smile on both their faces the two rock stars stayed in Hyde’s house for the rest of the day.
Until…..
Someone spoke into the night,
“Ne Gacchan, you asleep yet?”
“Hmm, no Hyde I’m not,” the groggy voice of his young lover resounded through the dark room, as the bigger body of Gackt found it’s way into Hyde’s arms and body heat.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a Hydeist?”
“…”
“Gacchan?” looking down onto his chest, although it was dark and his eyes weren’t as they used to be, Hyde was sure that there was a blush on his lover’s cheeks.
“It was embarrassing…”
“Embarrassing?!” was being a fan of his really that--
“What could I say when I’m dating Hyde himself and still can’t get enough of him,” the soloist resorted pinching Hyde just a bit, but enough to earn him a yelp from the older man and a hit to the head.
“And I was going to ask you what I should send out to my fans of Hydeist, for next week. But if you want to be like that Gacchan then fine, have it your way.” Smirking into the darkness the vocalist closed his eyes and feigned sleep, the look he knew that was on Gackt’s face was enough to send him into sweet dreams.
_____________________________________
Too long~!!! Ugh, this took forever!!!
Anyway I hope you all liked it!
Please leave me your thoughts!!!!