Inspirational/sappy thought of the day - crushes

[nminusone]

(Semi-inspired by a post queenofhalves made about having the confidence to talk to people who are "too attractive to be approachable".)

fortryll asked people if they had any crushes. I thought no, but after a while I realized I sort of do. It occured to me that's kinda cool. It's not a Big Deal crush, it's a "She's neat and wouldn't it be nice if" sort of thing. She

Comments

[aerynne]

The problem with some secret crushes is that they're never as secret as the person thinks they are--I'm all for secret crushes that are actually secret, especially when I also have secret crushes on them, but being a crush object is not all beer and skittles!

(Or maybe it is. I don't actually like beer much.)

((And it's not as though crushes aren't flattering, because they are, but sometimes when secret crushes are Not Secret, things can be very awkward, especially if I have no desire to reciprocate, and especially especially if the Secret Crush Subject decides to enlighten the Secret Crush Object (i.e., me) of their interest with an expectation of something more than "thank you, I appreciate it".))

[boadiccea]

Or another scenario: sometimes it feels even worse if you know someone has a crush on you, and you have a crush on them and WANT to reciprocate, but can't (for whatever reason.) Those sitches can also be bummers.

(Unless there was some ideal world where person A could tell person B, "Hey, I have a crush on you," and person B could say "Well, I have a crush on you too" and then they do nothing about it, content in their crushiness only. I'm not sure such a world exists, though?)

[nminusone]

Unless there was some ideal world where person A could tell person B, "Hey, I have a crush on you," [...]

My "friendship" with C is like that. We've both had the hots for each other forever and it's never been a secret, but we're not in a situation to do anything about it. In other cases it could be hell but with her it's actually a lot of fun!

[boadiccea]

Aha! Someone who can make that work! Glad to know that's a doable (or "non-doable" -- hehehe) scenario after all...

[nminusone]

It actually works really well. We both enjoy the chemistry and attraction for their own sakes, without needing it to go any further. That's what most of my friend++ships and relationships are like, actually: enjoying what is without getting upset about what isn't. There's often an openness to or desire for more, but if it's not mutual and feasible, that's ok.

[boadiccea]

That's really cool...just...relaxed & comfy. I like the idea, and am glad there are people out there who can do that. I think you're the first guy I've met who can be like that. (Granted, we know you're not like "most" guys. One reason I like you, actually. *g*)

[penguinet]

Isn't that called speed dating?

I did it a few times back home and it was kind of neat. Check yes or no for #__ and if they did the same you get their info. If they didn't, go on with life never knowing. YAY!

[nminusone]

You made my head hurt for a minute there!

I suppose we all have our burdens to bear, though I can't say I'm not a little envious. ;p   I don't envy the unwanted ones, but I wouldn't complain about a few more wanted or neutral ones.

I've rarely been crushed on and only one was more than I wanted, but I've heard about that often enough that I try not to do it. It's not hard since my crushes are few and only seem to happen with people I know reasonably well and who clearly like me. By the time I get around to having one we both know there's something there, regardless of what we might do about it.

So now I get to wondering, what's the difference between someone who has a crush (secret, not-secret or admitted) and wants more than you do, and other non-crush situations where someone wants more than you do?

[boadiccea]

I know you're addressing the poster, above, but this comment got me thinking.

My first thought was "I've rarely been crushed on at all, too." but then I realized, that may not be true. I know of a couple of crushes people have had on me over the years, but there may be secret crushes I don't know anything about.

Which then led me to think, how do you know you've rarely been crushed on? You may never know if you've had a completely secret crush or three! :)

Regarding the difference b/t someone who has a crush and wants more and non-crush situations where someone wants more: that depends - are the non-crush situations where someone wants more situations in which you're already dating/seeing/playing with the person? (I'm assuming so, but want clarification...)

[nminusone]

[...] how do you know you've rarely been crushed on?

I actually wrote something like "I've rarely been crushed on (as far as I know) [...]" but lost it while revising. (I don't "just write" posts and comments, it takes effort to write in English instead of Aspie-speak. And when I get lazy I get misunderstandings. Like right now! ;)

I don't know how often I've been crushed on, but in the context of crushes causing problems I think "aware of" is implied. Outside that context there are a couple people I'd like to have crushes on me. And as long as I don't find out for sure, I can pretend they do. :)

The other thing... I didn't define the question closely because I don't know. I'm curious to hear what aerynne or anyone else has to say on the subject. Answer the question any way you like!

[nixieq]

sweetie, you have been crushed on right and left. i think you just may have not realized so much because many of those crushing on you were women, and since you're not bi, it may not have registered as much, despite things like K telling you "if you ever decide you like women, i wanna be first in line!" et cetera.

[boadiccea]

Hahahahah, well, I knew about K and a couple of others - those are the ones I was referring to that I knew about, actually.

Also funnily enough, as I type this, I realize the crushes from women are sometimes more flattering than the crushes from men, in some instances! (Though I'm sure you recall the scenario in which K said that, and how angry I got with her for what she did to me just before saying that.)