one-shot: All that I hate about you (Paire, R, pairechallenge: 'Love/Hate')
Title: All that I hate about you
Author: nmidian- Nick Midian
Rating: R (Some sexual references)
Pairings & Characters: Paire (Peter/Claire). Canon.
Spoilers: None, really.
Summary: I hate averything about you...
Feedback: Oh yes, please
Author's Note: Entry for oneshot challenge #3 at pairechallenge 'Love/Hate'. Not betaed. I tried to write this so it could be read both from Peter's POV and Claire's as well... but something tells me that it is just a bit more Peter's than Claire's... I dunno, please tell me what you think. ;) Posted at paire_love and paire_fiction as well.
Author's Note #2: And oh yeah, I'm back. 'Nuff said.
All that I hate about you
By Nick Midian
“My only love sprung from my only hate.”
-- William Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet” Act I, Scene V
I hate everything about you.
I hate the very air that you breathe, for it has the kind of intimate contact with you that I can only long for and never achieve. Because it is not me, so deep within you that we’re only one.
I hate your clothes, both because they cover your beautiful body to my eyes and because they know the softness and warmth of your skin, whose carnal touch is forbidden to me.
I hate your lips, their full inviting softness, the way they part when you speak to me, quiver when you are scared or twist when you smile. I hate them with a passion, because I can’t kiss them and sometimes I think there’s no other thing I would like to do more in the world.
I hate your eyes, for they are the windows to your soul, and your soul is not mine to own completely; the way you already have possessed mine. I hate them, because sometimes, looking deep into them I think they mirror my own longing for you, and I just don’t know if it is that you want me, desire me, lust for me as much as I do for you or if it is just my deranged imagination playing tricks on me; making me see ghosts where there are only curtains blown by the wind of my obsession.
I hate your pillow, for it knows all your dreams; and I hate your bed, because I can’t share it with you.
I hate your arms, because they are not around me. Because they don’t, can’t, won’t hold me they way I want them to, so tightly against you that I will sink into you until we are one and the same.
I hate your scent, when we hug and I pretend it’s nothing more than familial, nothing else than friendly. I hate it with all my guts and all my rage, because it stays with me long after you are gone, and it refuses to leave me alone and take away the memories of your body next to me and the sound of your heart beating against my chest.
I hate your voice over the phone, for it doesn’t say the words I have imagined hearing from you so many times. Words that can’t be spoken, words that would kill and heal me over and over again.
I hate your hair, for I will never be able to run my hands throught it, test its silkiness as our mouths meet and we devour each other like tomorrow will never come.
I hate your laughter and I hate your tears, for the first reminds me of what I crave and cannot have, and I will never be able to sooth the second with whispers of devotion and tenderness.
I hate your distance, because I can’t stand when you are away from me and I can’t see your face, can’t hear your voice, can’t feel your presence close to me like a warm blanket that comforts me and lets me believe that somehow everything will be alright, that we will make it alright.
I hate your nearness, for I must keep you always at an arm’s lenght to never let others know how I really feel about you. Because it’s when you are next to me that this impossible, unattainable feeling hurts me the most. Because the frustration of keeping myself from reaching towards you and finally letting you know what goes in my head and in my heart drives me crazy with impotence.
I hate your ears, for they will never hear me telling you how much I love you.
I hate my name on your lips, for you will never moan it with passion and lust. I hate the sweat pearling your skin on a hot day, because I don’t know its taste. And I hate your body, for I know it belongs to me and yet I will never know its pleasures. For I will never be able to explore it with my mouth and my hands, finding out its secrets and making them my own for all eternity.
But most of all, I hate the blood running through your veins, because it is in part the same one running through mine. Because it is what keeps us together, yet forever apart.
I hate everything about you.
But you?
You I love; with all the power of my heart and all the strength of my soul.
And, no matter how much I tell myself that I hate it, I know I always will.
*Fin*