(no subject)
hm..don't know what to type first...
seems kinda weird to me now to have a "journal" that everyone can view..tho i guess it doesn't really matter since noone reads this anyway. It was a lonely guilt tripping day today. Im really starting to miss the old days, and by the old days i only mean a year or 2 ago. As much as i hate phones i really would of liked to have talked to someone today; i use to but..things happen, people get lives and im still here. I hope everyone is well, and are living productive lives. For some unknown reason i thought a bit about Dulce today, haven't talked to her in a long time, and i miss her. I hope she's doing well. I kinda miss hanging out with Daniel too, he was a cool kid; i hope he doesn't resent me or blame me for what had happened to him, but at least he's ok now. The next funeral show really needs to hurry the fuck up so i can see andrea already. I wonder if the world would be more beautiful if we were all blind. I wish i had a friend i could tell anything to..but i can't. I'm sure there are people out there willing to listen but i just can't for some reason, and i know i really need to...i really miss all the people i use to talk to, whether they be enemies, g/f's, friends or just anyone. I think it's memory that i resent most, even with the few good memories..but nothing's forever. If we're born to die, then does that mean perhaps we are truely born after death? Because the way i see it, life is nothing but experiences, and conscious thought; can't say i am eager to die anymore but rather...a uselessness feeling
what is happiness? have i really ever experienced it? or have i been lying to myself
personally i think it distracts you. Like when you're a kid, you know just about nothing of the real world, and i still don't know everything but when you're a kid you know nothing but curiousity and amusment. No worries or doubts. Do we know what sadness is as an infant? Sure we cry; but it's just to get what we want; or a nerve reaction. I'd really like to make the most of life even tho i know it would all be for nothing because it'll all end one day, with no memories. That's what freedom to me would be. If when we die we simply disappear forever, then maybe i should start thinking of life as a job, and death, as retirement.
Farewell
seems kinda weird to me now to have a "journal" that everyone can view..tho i guess it doesn't really matter since noone reads this anyway. It was a lonely guilt tripping day today. Im really starting to miss the old days, and by the old days i only mean a year or 2 ago. As much as i hate phones i really would of liked to have talked to someone today; i use to but..things happen, people get lives and im still here. I hope everyone is well, and are living productive lives. For some unknown reason i thought a bit about Dulce today, haven't talked to her in a long time, and i miss her. I hope she's doing well. I kinda miss hanging out with Daniel too, he was a cool kid; i hope he doesn't resent me or blame me for what had happened to him, but at least he's ok now. The next funeral show really needs to hurry the fuck up so i can see andrea already. I wonder if the world would be more beautiful if we were all blind. I wish i had a friend i could tell anything to..but i can't. I'm sure there are people out there willing to listen but i just can't for some reason, and i know i really need to...i really miss all the people i use to talk to, whether they be enemies, g/f's, friends or just anyone. I think it's memory that i resent most, even with the few good memories..but nothing's forever. If we're born to die, then does that mean perhaps we are truely born after death? Because the way i see it, life is nothing but experiences, and conscious thought; can't say i am eager to die anymore but rather...a uselessness feeling
what is happiness? have i really ever experienced it? or have i been lying to myself
personally i think it distracts you. Like when you're a kid, you know just about nothing of the real world, and i still don't know everything but when you're a kid you know nothing but curiousity and amusment. No worries or doubts. Do we know what sadness is as an infant? Sure we cry; but it's just to get what we want; or a nerve reaction. I'd really like to make the most of life even tho i know it would all be for nothing because it'll all end one day, with no memories. That's what freedom to me would be. If when we die we simply disappear forever, then maybe i should start thinking of life as a job, and death, as retirement.
Farewell