(no subject)
A friend had the following lament:
"You girls are so difficult to please. I'm a really nice guy and I make a decent amount of money. But I can't get a girlfriend because the girls go for the bad boy types who're mean to them. I just don't get it.
Women nowadays are so picky and superficial. What happened to the simple girls who just wanted someone to love and provide for them?"
While I felt bad that he seemed so downtrodden, I think he's barking up the wrong tree. For the benefit of boys who care to know, I have some unfinalised theories about the laws of attraction (see disclaimer below). While I didn't share these with my friend because he proceeded to have a real rant, they go something like this:
- Nice really isn't enough. Nice is too easily done. Most girls want a nice guy, but there has to be more to him than nice.
- Don't knock the superficial things*. Etiquette, manners, sharp dressing, style, speech, carriage and deportment - all these count. A guy can be as nice, clever and rich as he likes, but if he's unpresentable, he's unattractive (at best) or repulsive (at worst). At no point allow emissions from any orifice.
- Be fun. What makes a person fun? I think it's a combination of wit, the ability to enjoy self-deprecaton, a child-like curiosity and the ability to express oneself.
-Be self aware. No one's perfect. No one needs to be. But acknowledging and working around one's strengths and weaknesses is a great quality in itself.
- Observe a moral code. Yes, your mama was right - girls like decent boys. Everyone knows that goss gets around. Let's say a girl you like shows some interest in you and does some due dil. The last thing you want is for your exploits and indiscretions to be bandied about. To break it down, cheating is bad; lying is bad; beating is bad; promiscuity is probably understandable, if potentially unhygenic.
- Develop a talent and a passion. And use your imagination. I don't mean you have to sing, dance or paint. I think there's a talent in being a genuinely great conversationalist, for example. Or cooking.
For the advanced learner, try adding another dimension. You get bonus points for making something difficult look easy, ie the good old Italian concept of sprezzatura. I think that's what adds the element of James Dean-esque cool.
And passion. Find something that drives you and pursue it. Nothing is more unattractive than a guy whose only passion is his girlfriend. And most girls won't want to have to handle the pressure of being someone's be all and end all. Crikey.
- Putting it all together. There's nothing more disarming than a nice guy who's well put together, talented and altogether decent. With the package, comes confidence and with confidence comes charisma. I have to say I think that with all the other qualities in place, nice is probably not all that important.
As an aside, I have often been accused of being picky. I think the word "picky" is wrongly used in this context because it implies first that I am trying to make a selection and secondly that I am obliged to make a selection.
_____
Disclaimer: These apply, I think, to yuppy girls who are financially independent and emotionally self-sufficient. Of course different or no criteria may apply where the girl in question has a monetary angle or has serial girlfriend syndrome.
*A note on appearances and etiquette. The superficial things matter. They are the basis for the initial attraction. For guys, the trigger tends to be a pretty face. For girls, I think it's a guy's style and carriage.
"You girls are so difficult to please. I'm a really nice guy and I make a decent amount of money. But I can't get a girlfriend because the girls go for the bad boy types who're mean to them. I just don't get it.
Women nowadays are so picky and superficial. What happened to the simple girls who just wanted someone to love and provide for them?"
While I felt bad that he seemed so downtrodden, I think he's barking up the wrong tree. For the benefit of boys who care to know, I have some unfinalised theories about the laws of attraction (see disclaimer below). While I didn't share these with my friend because he proceeded to have a real rant, they go something like this:
- Nice really isn't enough. Nice is too easily done. Most girls want a nice guy, but there has to be more to him than nice.
- Don't knock the superficial things*. Etiquette, manners, sharp dressing, style, speech, carriage and deportment - all these count. A guy can be as nice, clever and rich as he likes, but if he's unpresentable, he's unattractive (at best) or repulsive (at worst). At no point allow emissions from any orifice.
- Be fun. What makes a person fun? I think it's a combination of wit, the ability to enjoy self-deprecaton, a child-like curiosity and the ability to express oneself.
-Be self aware. No one's perfect. No one needs to be. But acknowledging and working around one's strengths and weaknesses is a great quality in itself.
- Observe a moral code. Yes, your mama was right - girls like decent boys. Everyone knows that goss gets around. Let's say a girl you like shows some interest in you and does some due dil. The last thing you want is for your exploits and indiscretions to be bandied about. To break it down, cheating is bad; lying is bad; beating is bad; promiscuity is probably understandable, if potentially unhygenic.
- Develop a talent and a passion. And use your imagination. I don't mean you have to sing, dance or paint. I think there's a talent in being a genuinely great conversationalist, for example. Or cooking.
For the advanced learner, try adding another dimension. You get bonus points for making something difficult look easy, ie the good old Italian concept of sprezzatura. I think that's what adds the element of James Dean-esque cool.
And passion. Find something that drives you and pursue it. Nothing is more unattractive than a guy whose only passion is his girlfriend. And most girls won't want to have to handle the pressure of being someone's be all and end all. Crikey.
- Putting it all together. There's nothing more disarming than a nice guy who's well put together, talented and altogether decent. With the package, comes confidence and with confidence comes charisma. I have to say I think that with all the other qualities in place, nice is probably not all that important.
As an aside, I have often been accused of being picky. I think the word "picky" is wrongly used in this context because it implies first that I am trying to make a selection and secondly that I am obliged to make a selection.
_____
Disclaimer: These apply, I think, to yuppy girls who are financially independent and emotionally self-sufficient. Of course different or no criteria may apply where the girl in question has a monetary angle or has serial girlfriend syndrome.
*A note on appearances and etiquette. The superficial things matter. They are the basis for the initial attraction. For guys, the trigger tends to be a pretty face. For girls, I think it's a guy's style and carriage.