funny...
i had a dream last night. i dont care to explain it, but it really made me content. more content than i have felt in a long time. and i woke up and it was all gone. all i wanted to do was go back to that feeling, i didnt want to walk around in the real world, or my real life, i didnt care for it at all. it isnt that i dont appreciate life, its that i aspire for it to be perfect too often, and these aspirations always let me down.
so i would rather stay alive in my own perfect little world, inside myself, my mind, my imagination, and use my memories and my thoughts to create stories and pictures and a life that can only produce good feelings, even through my own pain. where even if i am in trouble or there is a huge problem, i know it will all be solved and i know everything will be okay, because its my world and i control everything.
this may be a little selfish, but i think it creates happiness and joy, so complete, like nothing im used to feeling in the real world. i feel truly content only when i am in that world, or only when i am thinking about it, or thinking about a time in the near future when i might be able to leave reality and go to it again.
what i love about this world is that it isnt devoid of pain, it is somewhat near reality. but it is kind of an 'immediate benefit' type situation. you feel the pain, yet you immediately benefit from it, therefore the pain is existant, but only for a short period of time. and because i control everything, i know when i am going through the painful stuff, how its all going to turn out.
plus....it doesnt hurt to fast forward through time and skip to all the juicy stuff...
:)
i think my world of 'disreality' is more extensive than people can understand. i think everyone has their own extensive disreality that no one else really gets. i know mine is like another life for me, almost one i spend more time in than this one.
*zones out....*
so i would rather stay alive in my own perfect little world, inside myself, my mind, my imagination, and use my memories and my thoughts to create stories and pictures and a life that can only produce good feelings, even through my own pain. where even if i am in trouble or there is a huge problem, i know it will all be solved and i know everything will be okay, because its my world and i control everything.
this may be a little selfish, but i think it creates happiness and joy, so complete, like nothing im used to feeling in the real world. i feel truly content only when i am in that world, or only when i am thinking about it, or thinking about a time in the near future when i might be able to leave reality and go to it again.
what i love about this world is that it isnt devoid of pain, it is somewhat near reality. but it is kind of an 'immediate benefit' type situation. you feel the pain, yet you immediately benefit from it, therefore the pain is existant, but only for a short period of time. and because i control everything, i know when i am going through the painful stuff, how its all going to turn out.
plus....it doesnt hurt to fast forward through time and skip to all the juicy stuff...
:)
i think my world of 'disreality' is more extensive than people can understand. i think everyone has their own extensive disreality that no one else really gets. i know mine is like another life for me, almost one i spend more time in than this one.
*zones out....*