An Open Letter to Female Clothing in and Attire in General
Dear Mass of Female Clothing,
For years I have tolerated your existence as something I cannot control. Growing up in a society where the media prevails, it’s no use trying to deny you.
I never understood the ideals of female fashion. Everything is small, clingy, and due to recent styles, you cause people to wear you closely to their bodies that lead females to believe they emulate the very picture of feminine perfection when normal and sane people see fat bulging unattractively. Let me tell you, Mass of Female Clothing, I have had enough of you.
After digging through my mass of winter clothes, I found that everything does not fit as well as it use to and that my mother has donated everything else. Currently, it is winter and cold. However, after stepping into department stores in vain hope of purchasing you, I found nothing to be practical. Please explain to my why department stores advertise you in the form of t-shirts and tank-tops in the winter when I’m obviously looking for clothes with long sleeves.
And please explain to me about the thinness in your material. I have ventured into my brother’s closet and found that even his most thin t-shirts were made of thicker material than you. In case you’ve lost the original purpose of your existence, Mass of Female Clothing, it is not to be a second layer of skin; you are supposed to keep me warm. You, my impractical friend, are failing quite miserably.
I have seen your pathetic excuse for sweaters and found them so thin that it’s impossible to wear them without a tank-top underneath and a jacket. Another issue that I have with you recently, your jackets are not only unflattering with it’s fake fur collars, but you’ve suddenly decided to bombard the masses with hideous fur boots. Fur boots are beyond impractical for they easily get dirty and really look as if females are walking with mops on their feet. I for one am not a Yeti, and I doubt many people willingly choose to look like one.
Be glad, Mass of Female Clothing, that I am not complaining about your pants that deserves another letter itself. I hope you are happy, Mass of Female Clothes, for I’ve become ill because of your impracticalness.
Angie U. Keanyn
Inspired by McSweetney's Internet Tendencies on Open letters to People, Dieties, or Objects unlikely to respond.