Fic: Verisimilitude 01 - There's a plot somewhere in there

[nkiseki]

Verisimilitude
By: Nkiseki
Part 01
Word count: 2600+
Summary: Everything is bound to go to hell if Sound still exists. Mission: Take down the Leader and its empire crumbles.
Note: It's a working summary. And this is a draft. Feedback?

TenTen grumbled for the umpteenth time as she carried a tray of tea and another file to the Hokage’s office. Oh

Comments

[mithlin_megil]

Uhmn, hi. *waves shyly* By chance I've stumbled upon your working draft by taking a stroll down my F-list and lurking on each and every journal there, but please don't tell on me. *begs* and you wanted some feedback, so... *twiddles thumbs*

It's really good, and you portrayed a Hokage!Naruto really well - I can almost see him grumbling as he does his paperworks, and seeing TenTen as his secretary is a pleasant surprise. I did catch a mis-spell though -

“One, you just mentioned that you didn’t know paperwork was in the job description and said it with distain. Two, it’s called the women’s network,” Ino smirked, glancing at Naruto as if she were somehow superior. “TenTen tells me things, you know?”

If I'm correct, distain should be spelt disdain. But anything other than that, I didn't catch anything else.

It's a very good start - I hope you continue it, Nkiseki-san.

[nkiseki]

Geh? Wow, I can't believe I missed that. And this other mistake I found while reading it over for who knows how many times. I'm off to correct it in the doc. =3 I'm happy you like it. It's been quite a while since I've last written fanfiction or anything else creative so I'm rather rusty =/

[mithlin_megil]

=3 Of course - with a mischievous Hokage!Naruto, a Secretary!Tenten, and a winning Gambling!Ino, what's not to like? :)