(no subject)
So I am in love with my life. Really I am. But I came across this realization. "Best Friends" is a truly empty term. Those who I told everything, those who meant everything...are nothing to me now. I am so tired of making attempt after attempt to keep in contact with those who said "We're going to be friends forever" And no, I'm naive enough to have believed that. I have never been naive enough to think that high school friends will be friends forever. I'm just surprised, and quite hurt, at how quickly friendships can deteriorate. A little thing called distance, and everyone gives up. Heather...I love her. She's the kind of person who I can go years without speaking to, and I know it will be like we never left off. Adrynne, I love her too. Although we're both really busy, we still talk to each other and make plans to see each other. Ryan...I see him all the time. He makes every effort to visit me, and spend time with me. And for that, and so many other reasons, I love him. I truly love him. I could write about him all day, but words in a journal could never give meaning to how he makes me feel. I've tried time and time again to explain it, but no one understands until they see us together. He is my everything...as long as I have him, I can go on.
And it surprises me who else tries to keep in touch with me. People who I talked to, but was never extremely close with...those very people I thought would fade out of my life are the ones who are taking the time to stay in it.
But those who would come to me and be my best friend....have completely ignored me. I've made offer after offer about how I would love to see them...yet they are always too busy. Or something has come up. And yet, after looking at what kind of life they are living...yes, they are busy....but its busy by choice. Busy spending time with other people...so yeah. I understand. I spend my time with all my new friends, and I have a great time. But they aren't the people I grew up with, they aren't the people who got me through some of the hardest things in my life. And the fact that those who helped make me so strong have just strolled out of my life, no matter how hard I try to keep them in it, have just up and left me....it hurts.
I give up time with my boyfriend, who I only see once or twice a month, to spend time with my friends...who end up ditching me, or leaving me hanging.
And I'm sick of it.
So I'm done. If you wanna hang out, take it upon yourself. I'm tired of begging to keep my friends. Do it yourself.
And it surprises me who else tries to keep in touch with me. People who I talked to, but was never extremely close with...those very people I thought would fade out of my life are the ones who are taking the time to stay in it.
But those who would come to me and be my best friend....have completely ignored me. I've made offer after offer about how I would love to see them...yet they are always too busy. Or something has come up. And yet, after looking at what kind of life they are living...yes, they are busy....but its busy by choice. Busy spending time with other people...so yeah. I understand. I spend my time with all my new friends, and I have a great time. But they aren't the people I grew up with, they aren't the people who got me through some of the hardest things in my life. And the fact that those who helped make me so strong have just strolled out of my life, no matter how hard I try to keep them in it, have just up and left me....it hurts.
I give up time with my boyfriend, who I only see once or twice a month, to spend time with my friends...who end up ditching me, or leaving me hanging.
And I'm sick of it.
So I'm done. If you wanna hang out, take it upon yourself. I'm tired of begging to keep my friends. Do it yourself.