Everybody gets Laid
LIZ
Liz was tired. It had been a long shoot; A hot shower and a cozy bed was calling her. She was about to climb the stairs to the town house when the light of the street lamp hit the shiny metal bell on the door knob. The one which was the silent “get lost I’m getting laid” signal that the three room mates had devised for privacy when it was needed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” she thought. Tonight of all nights Martin decides to have a slumber party. Oh well, good for him. It’s been months now since…..
“Hello.” said a voice with a familiar British accent.
The sound made her jump. She turned, shocked to see Martin standing next to her with a questioning look on his face.
“Martin?”
“Liz? What are you doing standing out here?”
“You mean it’s Marsha?”
“You mean it’s Marsha “what”?”
She pointed to the door knob.
“Well, I’ll be buggered. What crazy git is so reckless to have the ill-considered audacity to shag the queen of mis-quotes?”
“I have no idea.” Liz said with wonder in her voice, “You know what? Good for her.”
“Absolutely, She needs a good tumble. Maybe it’ll get her out of the bad mood she’s been in for the last three years. Like a double shot of Thorazine.”
“Will you stop it! How many times do I have to tell you! She’s my best friend.”
“Come on Liz, she gives as good as she gets. You know that.”
“You don’t get it do you.”
“What?”
Liz turned and walked down the street toward 8th avenue.
“Where are you going?”
“To find a hotel room.”
Liz was still bristling from the digs Martin had made at Marsha’s expense.
“I’ll walk with you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will. Liz, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is. It’s almost like a game between us now. Who can insult who with the most venom.”
“It hurts to watch the two of most important people in my life fighting all the time. I don’t like being in the middle.”
“You’re no where near the middle. You’re not even on the same planet when we go at it.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t exist. You don’t care how it makes me feel, either of you.”
Liz felt Martin’s hand grab her arm and spin her toward him. He looked her square in the eye.
“You listen to me. You are one the most important person in both our lives . You exist for me more than you will ever know. I care deeply about how you feel, and I’m sorry.”
“You are?”
“Yes, I’m very sorry you have such a harridan as a best friend.”
Liz almost slapped him, but instead she walked away at speed wanting to get as far away from Martin as possible. She heard him yell from a few houses down.
“Come on Liz. It was a joke. ”
He ran up beside her.
“You can’t take anything Marsha and I say to each other seriously. I guess it’s our way of dealing with our jealousy.”
“Jealousy? Because she won’t sleep with you?”
“What!? No! God No!… If I ever…. it would be… I mean….
Liz watched as Martin’s face contorted with the images that statement brought to Martin’s mind. It made him squirm until finally understanding softened his brow.
“Oh, I get it. This is you getting back at me for calling her a harridan right? Because the thought of me and Marsha is just….I would never….God I feel like my brain needs disinfecting.”
Liz was smiling. She could give it too.
“What jealousy then?”
“Our jealousy over our friendship with you.”
“Wait a minute, So you’re saying that I’m the cause of it?”
“No! I’m saying we are. And no matter what you do, or say, I don’t see it changing anytime soon. The one thing we do agree on is that it shouldn’t bother you that we hate each other. Come on Liz, let’s forget about it? What do you say we share a hotel room. We could have are own slumber party. The Paramounts’ just around the corner”
He was right. It shouldn’t bother her. They really do seem to enjoy there bitch fest’s.
Liz was trying to shake off the altercation when the flashing neon light of Riedy’s Liquors drew her attention.
“I need a drink.”
Five minutes later and forty dollars shorter, Liz was on her way to the Paramount with the Jim Beam in a plain paper bag nestled snuggly in her arms and Martin in tow. It was a short walk as everything is in Manhattan that ended with them at the front desk of what she hoped would be their accommodations for the night.
Liz just wanted to get to the room, have a drink , take a shower and hit the sheets. She still found it hard to believe that after five years of living with Marsha, she had finally come home to the bell on the door for her. Martin was right about one thing. Marsha needed a good fuck, or as he had put it “tumble”. Writing all those gossip column articles about other people’s sex lives seemed to have made her more cynical and vitriolic then she had ever been. She was deep in thought about who her best friend of twenty years could possibly be in bed with when the desk clerk told her that they had only one queen single available.
“Fine” she said.
Martin cut in.
“Oh, okay then. You take the room and I’ll take a walk to the La Quinta”
“What do you mean?”
“Liz there’s only one bed.”
“Oh, well, if you feel uncomfortable…”
“No, it’s fine with me…I was thinking about you.”
“Me? It doesn’t matter to me.”
This is awkward Liz thought? Sure they had just had a fight, but it didn’t mean anything, did it? Why should Martin care if there was only one bed, I’m the offended party? She thought. Even so she didn’t want him wandering around looking for another hotel room at this time of night. More importantly for some inexplicable reason, she didn’t want him to go.
“It’s fine, we’ll take it.” She said decidedly.
The look on the desk clerks face was enigmatic, but as they walked to the elevator Liz thought she caught him saying under his breath “someone’s gettin' laid tonight”
She tried to shake off the whole one bed debacle and the desk clerks comment on the elevator ride up to the fifth floor. They were both tired “that must have been the cause of the scene tonight” she thought. But her being tired didn’t explain why she wanted him to stay with her.
Liz was tired. It had been a long shoot; A hot shower and a cozy bed was calling her. She was about to climb the stairs to the town house when the light of the street lamp hit the shiny metal bell on the door knob. The one which was the silent “get lost I’m getting laid” signal that the three room mates had devised for privacy when it was needed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” she thought. Tonight of all nights Martin decides to have a slumber party. Oh well, good for him. It’s been months now since…..
“Hello.” said a voice with a familiar British accent.
The sound made her jump. She turned, shocked to see Martin standing next to her with a questioning look on his face.
“Martin?”
“Liz? What are you doing standing out here?”
“You mean it’s Marsha?”
“You mean it’s Marsha “what”?”
She pointed to the door knob.
“Well, I’ll be buggered. What crazy git is so reckless to have the ill-considered audacity to shag the queen of mis-quotes?”
“I have no idea.” Liz said with wonder in her voice, “You know what? Good for her.”
“Absolutely, She needs a good tumble. Maybe it’ll get her out of the bad mood she’s been in for the last three years. Like a double shot of Thorazine.”
“Will you stop it! How many times do I have to tell you! She’s my best friend.”
“Come on Liz, she gives as good as she gets. You know that.”
“You don’t get it do you.”
“What?”
Liz turned and walked down the street toward 8th avenue.
“Where are you going?”
“To find a hotel room.”
Liz was still bristling from the digs Martin had made at Marsha’s expense.
“I’ll walk with you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will. Liz, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is. It’s almost like a game between us now. Who can insult who with the most venom.”
“It hurts to watch the two of most important people in my life fighting all the time. I don’t like being in the middle.”
“You’re no where near the middle. You’re not even on the same planet when we go at it.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t exist. You don’t care how it makes me feel, either of you.”
Liz felt Martin’s hand grab her arm and spin her toward him. He looked her square in the eye.
“You listen to me. You are one the most important person in both our lives . You exist for me more than you will ever know. I care deeply about how you feel, and I’m sorry.”
“You are?”
“Yes, I’m very sorry you have such a harridan as a best friend.”
Liz almost slapped him, but instead she walked away at speed wanting to get as far away from Martin as possible. She heard him yell from a few houses down.
“Come on Liz. It was a joke. ”
He ran up beside her.
“You can’t take anything Marsha and I say to each other seriously. I guess it’s our way of dealing with our jealousy.”
“Jealousy? Because she won’t sleep with you?”
“What!? No! God No!… If I ever…. it would be… I mean….
Liz watched as Martin’s face contorted with the images that statement brought to Martin’s mind. It made him squirm until finally understanding softened his brow.
“Oh, I get it. This is you getting back at me for calling her a harridan right? Because the thought of me and Marsha is just….I would never….God I feel like my brain needs disinfecting.”
Liz was smiling. She could give it too.
“What jealousy then?”
“Our jealousy over our friendship with you.”
“Wait a minute, So you’re saying that I’m the cause of it?”
“No! I’m saying we are. And no matter what you do, or say, I don’t see it changing anytime soon. The one thing we do agree on is that it shouldn’t bother you that we hate each other. Come on Liz, let’s forget about it? What do you say we share a hotel room. We could have are own slumber party. The Paramounts’ just around the corner”
He was right. It shouldn’t bother her. They really do seem to enjoy there bitch fest’s.
Liz was trying to shake off the altercation when the flashing neon light of Riedy’s Liquors drew her attention.
“I need a drink.”
Five minutes later and forty dollars shorter, Liz was on her way to the Paramount with the Jim Beam in a plain paper bag nestled snuggly in her arms and Martin in tow. It was a short walk as everything is in Manhattan that ended with them at the front desk of what she hoped would be their accommodations for the night.
Liz just wanted to get to the room, have a drink , take a shower and hit the sheets. She still found it hard to believe that after five years of living with Marsha, she had finally come home to the bell on the door for her. Martin was right about one thing. Marsha needed a good fuck, or as he had put it “tumble”. Writing all those gossip column articles about other people’s sex lives seemed to have made her more cynical and vitriolic then she had ever been. She was deep in thought about who her best friend of twenty years could possibly be in bed with when the desk clerk told her that they had only one queen single available.
“Fine” she said.
Martin cut in.
“Oh, okay then. You take the room and I’ll take a walk to the La Quinta”
“What do you mean?”
“Liz there’s only one bed.”
“Oh, well, if you feel uncomfortable…”
“No, it’s fine with me…I was thinking about you.”
“Me? It doesn’t matter to me.”
This is awkward Liz thought? Sure they had just had a fight, but it didn’t mean anything, did it? Why should Martin care if there was only one bed, I’m the offended party? She thought. Even so she didn’t want him wandering around looking for another hotel room at this time of night. More importantly for some inexplicable reason, she didn’t want him to go.
“It’s fine, we’ll take it.” She said decidedly.
The look on the desk clerks face was enigmatic, but as they walked to the elevator Liz thought she caught him saying under his breath “someone’s gettin' laid tonight”
She tried to shake off the whole one bed debacle and the desk clerks comment on the elevator ride up to the fifth floor. They were both tired “that must have been the cause of the scene tonight” she thought. But her being tired didn’t explain why she wanted him to stay with her.