lately
So I know I haven't written in a while, this thing really isn't a priority.
Matt and I broke up. It has been one of those dreadfully horrible break ups and it's so draining. He didn't want it, but my life was too stressful with him as my boyfriend. We were fighting all of the time, I was always disappointing him in some way or another. His expectations of me were too high and he was too critical. I was too distant. I'm just not at the point in my life where I can be in a relationship like ours was. I need something easy, or nothing at all. Anyway now he's being really horrible to me and calling me a worthless whore. He says he wants me to go to hell and he wishes he could send me there soon. I doubt he means it, but it hurts nonetheless.
For a while after the break up I was thinking about Ross a lot. Probably because it happened over Thanksgiving break, and we were both home together. I know that I still have feelings for him, but it's just so unrealistic. He lives in PA at Swarthmore and I live in VT at UVM. Also, we have quite a rollercoaster of a past. I don't want to get hurt again, and I feel like if I start something with him, I will. I don't know what to do, it's hard to just ignore feelings, but I think I'm doing a fairly good job of stopping myself. I have to be realistic.
There is one boy at UVM who I have taken a liking to. His name is Sean. We get along really well; he makes me laugh a lot, and he's really cute. I met him at orientation but didn't really start seeing him until right before I left for December break. We got lost in the woods together. It was fun and unusual :-). I like him, but I'm not sure how much yet. I'm not going to rush anything, no need. I'm sure he doesn't want to either. I do want to get to know him better though. He's awesome.
Weird new development: Christian and I have gotten really close lately. Not to worry, I don't want to be with him again, I strictly see him as a friend. Even if I did have feelings for him, he's all hung up on a girl he was living with named Jess. I just want to see him happy, but I don't know how much I can help really. He seems to need to be with someone to be able to be happy and I wish I could show him that being alone is okay too. I want him to see in himself what I see in him. He's a really great person and he shouldn't need someone else to validate his worth. :-(
Anyway, I'm really excited for the next month of break. It should be interesting. Maybe I'll update if anything especially crazy happens. Maybe not.
Matt and I broke up. It has been one of those dreadfully horrible break ups and it's so draining. He didn't want it, but my life was too stressful with him as my boyfriend. We were fighting all of the time, I was always disappointing him in some way or another. His expectations of me were too high and he was too critical. I was too distant. I'm just not at the point in my life where I can be in a relationship like ours was. I need something easy, or nothing at all. Anyway now he's being really horrible to me and calling me a worthless whore. He says he wants me to go to hell and he wishes he could send me there soon. I doubt he means it, but it hurts nonetheless.
For a while after the break up I was thinking about Ross a lot. Probably because it happened over Thanksgiving break, and we were both home together. I know that I still have feelings for him, but it's just so unrealistic. He lives in PA at Swarthmore and I live in VT at UVM. Also, we have quite a rollercoaster of a past. I don't want to get hurt again, and I feel like if I start something with him, I will. I don't know what to do, it's hard to just ignore feelings, but I think I'm doing a fairly good job of stopping myself. I have to be realistic.
There is one boy at UVM who I have taken a liking to. His name is Sean. We get along really well; he makes me laugh a lot, and he's really cute. I met him at orientation but didn't really start seeing him until right before I left for December break. We got lost in the woods together. It was fun and unusual :-). I like him, but I'm not sure how much yet. I'm not going to rush anything, no need. I'm sure he doesn't want to either. I do want to get to know him better though. He's awesome.
Weird new development: Christian and I have gotten really close lately. Not to worry, I don't want to be with him again, I strictly see him as a friend. Even if I did have feelings for him, he's all hung up on a girl he was living with named Jess. I just want to see him happy, but I don't know how much I can help really. He seems to need to be with someone to be able to be happy and I wish I could show him that being alone is okay too. I want him to see in himself what I see in him. He's a really great person and he shouldn't need someone else to validate his worth. :-(
Anyway, I'm really excited for the next month of break. It should be interesting. Maybe I'll update if anything especially crazy happens. Maybe not.