OMG!
Not like I spend hrs everyday dinking around the net but my wanderings took me somewhere today that scared me. I was originally looking for a website about depression but curiosity got the best of me and I picked one about eating disorders. After some reading and some jaw-dropping on my behalf.... I have a form of anorexia, It's slightly different from the anorexia we saw in High School where the girls just didn't eat or ate very little. Well, mine is kind of like that but mine is a little worse (at least I think so) I specifically eat things that are good for me but if there isn't anything in the kitchen that my brain sees as being healthy enough, I don't eat. My mind while I am trying to find something to eat most of the time my thoughts are "Eww, how greasy that is when it's cooked" Not, there is lots of protein and other good things in the food but FAT!!! What the hell! When did I become so obsessed with fat? I used to think my mom was crazy because everything she bought was fat free or reduced fat. Now I think my problem is I don't want to grow up looking like her, thinking I'm FAT! I'M NOT FAT!!! I weigh 87 pounds how can something like that be fat? Unfortunately now this just brings up more angry feelings at myself. I am slowly killing myself everyday I do this. I am literally making holes in my brain from lack of food and not drinking enough water. I thought the headaches were because I was depressed, the dizzy spells I thought were from the headaches. I was blaming everything but the right monster. . Now I have to figure out how to get things the way they should be...