(no subject)
so. after a weekend of puffing doses regularly, i'm backing off on the inhaler a little, both because i don't seem to be having as much trouble with breathing, and because god DAMN it'd be nice to get some sleep already. and i have a lot of shit to (try) to do tomorrow.
i'm hoping my stuff is still sitting on liz's porch, 'cause i totally forgot to pick it up. gah.
lunch w/ melissa (and possibly kathy) tomorrow. that oughta be fun. yay cheap indian fude buffet!
still pondering how, exactly, to call FB out on treating me like a placeholder girlfriend without being so aggressive that he won't be able to hear me. i mean, okay, he may not be able to hear me, period. but if i jump down his throat about it (which is what i'm currently inclined to do, given that i keep hearing him say "i don't know what you're talking about" in my head -- which is what he said this weekend when i brought up his behavior), he definitely won't hear me. the idea here is that i'd prefer to continue the friendship, but on my terms. that may not be possible, but i'm hoping it will be.
i know you all think he's an asshole, and maybe in this area he is, but he's generally made an effort to hear me out on things and act like a decent human being. generally. he's also self-aware and honest enough that if i call a spade a spade, and illustrate how it's a spade, and show him how i'm changing my behavior WRT that spade, he might eventually admit that it is, in fact, a spade. it may take a while. we may have to stop spending time together for a while. *shrug* i'll be disappointed if he refuses to take responsibility, because it'll mean i'm losing a friendship i valued, but if he won't take responsibility for his behavior within the bounds of that friendship then it wasn't of nearly as much value as i thought.
the negative in all this is that it's causing me some stress, although now that i have my answer and know which direction to focus on, i'm pretty calm. the positive, though, is that i'm learning some valuable lessons about myself, about relationships, and about saying no and standing up for myself. they're things i've needed to learn, and it's well worth the pain and frustration. and the potential gain (the brass ring that may or may not actually be attainable) is worth it.
unrelated to the above, i may just have to wander over to 7-11 to get some mint chocolate cookie ice cream. which i shouldn't, as it will certainly expand the assosphere (to quote jukebox_heroine, but c'est la vie.
i'm hoping my stuff is still sitting on liz's porch, 'cause i totally forgot to pick it up. gah.
lunch w/ melissa (and possibly kathy) tomorrow. that oughta be fun. yay cheap indian fude buffet!
still pondering how, exactly, to call FB out on treating me like a placeholder girlfriend without being so aggressive that he won't be able to hear me. i mean, okay, he may not be able to hear me, period. but if i jump down his throat about it (which is what i'm currently inclined to do, given that i keep hearing him say "i don't know what you're talking about" in my head -- which is what he said this weekend when i brought up his behavior), he definitely won't hear me. the idea here is that i'd prefer to continue the friendship, but on my terms. that may not be possible, but i'm hoping it will be.
i know you all think he's an asshole, and maybe in this area he is, but he's generally made an effort to hear me out on things and act like a decent human being. generally. he's also self-aware and honest enough that if i call a spade a spade, and illustrate how it's a spade, and show him how i'm changing my behavior WRT that spade, he might eventually admit that it is, in fact, a spade. it may take a while. we may have to stop spending time together for a while. *shrug* i'll be disappointed if he refuses to take responsibility, because it'll mean i'm losing a friendship i valued, but if he won't take responsibility for his behavior within the bounds of that friendship then it wasn't of nearly as much value as i thought.
the negative in all this is that it's causing me some stress, although now that i have my answer and know which direction to focus on, i'm pretty calm. the positive, though, is that i'm learning some valuable lessons about myself, about relationships, and about saying no and standing up for myself. they're things i've needed to learn, and it's well worth the pain and frustration. and the potential gain (the brass ring that may or may not actually be attainable) is worth it.
unrelated to the above, i may just have to wander over to 7-11 to get some mint chocolate cookie ice cream. which i shouldn't, as it will certainly expand the assosphere (to quote jukebox_heroine, but c'est la vie.