I read your other post that you shared on Google Reader and this one. There are a bunch of things that feel familiar in them. I can't remember if you know this about me - it would have come up in the context of the silly "naked party" aftermath if it came up at all - but I too was assaulted by a 16 yo girl when I was about 7. And for sure the most shameful part of that has been the knowing that it wasn't just this awful I was terrified and hated every second of it thing. I could say more about that, but i won't, but I did want to tell you that the reminder that other people have processed related feelings is helpful to me in making me feel like my own processing may also have been successful. And the later more sexual assault by a dude when I was in high school was a different thing from your situation, for sure, but still your processing is familiar sounding to me.
I went to a therapist last year one time, and it was just a single session wherein I was referred to another person, but I think pushing myself to talk about it might actually have been more damaging. I have been a long believer in the power of the therapeutic confessional (tho I haven't actually been in therapy for years), but because of my last experience, and the familiar stuff you brought up for me, I just wanted to share that part of my experience with you. Fuck shame, for sure, but fuck stripping yourself bare again too. That is, I think that baring your soul can be a very very good thing, but I also learned from my last experience that part of rejecting shame (for me anyway) means not just tearing it away but being gentle with myself and my processing.
Ugh. I hate commenting on LJ. It never comes out like I imagine. Thanks for posting tho.
Fuck shame, for sure, but fuck stripping yourself bare again too. That is, I think that baring your soul can be a very very good thing, but I also learned from my last experience that part of rejecting shame (for me anyway) means not just tearing it away but being gentle with myself and my processing.
Good point, there. For me, now, it feels like a very good thing to do, but yeah, be gentle with yourself. That's exactly what the therapist said to me and you-know-who last week - "I'm not going to give you any homework this week. Just be gentle with each other." And I've definitely needed it this past week, processing what it was like to talk about those things, blog about them, talk about them more.
Bottom line, I suppose, is to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.
I read your other post that you shared on Google Reader and this one. There are a bunch of things that feel familiar in them. I can't remember if you know this about me - it would have come up in the context of the silly "naked party" aftermath if it came up at all - but I too was assaulted by a 16 yo girl when I was about 7. And for sure the most shameful part of that has been the knowing that it wasn't just this awful I was terrified and hated every second of it thing. I could say more about that, but i won't, but I did want to tell you that the reminder that other people have processed related feelings is helpful to me in making me feel like my own processing may also have been successful. And the later more sexual assault by a dude when I was in high school was a different thing from your situation, for sure, but still your processing is familiar sounding to me.
I went to a therapist last year one time, and it was just a single session wherein I was referred to another person, but I think pushing myself to talk about it might actually have been more damaging. I have been a long believer in the power of the therapeutic confessional (tho I haven't actually been in therapy for years), but because of my last experience, and the familiar stuff you brought up for me, I just wanted to share that part of my experience with you. Fuck shame, for sure, but fuck stripping yourself bare again too. That is, I think that baring your soul can be a very very good thing, but I also learned from my last experience that part of rejecting shame (for me anyway) means not just tearing it away but being gentle with myself and my processing.
Ugh. I hate commenting on LJ. It never comes out like I imagine. Thanks for posting tho.
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Good point, there. For me, now, it feels like a very good thing to do, but yeah, be gentle with yourself. That's exactly what the therapist said to me and you-know-who last week - "I'm not going to give you any homework this week. Just be gentle with each other." And I've definitely needed it this past week, processing what it was like to talk about those things, blog about them, talk about them more.
Bottom line, I suppose, is to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.
Love.
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