SG-1: The Perils of Dating Daniel Jackson (PG-13), Cameron/Daniel.

[laytoncolt]

They're like the scariest almost in-laws ever.



"You told him?" Cameron asked, looking a little shifty around the edges.

Daniel blinked at him, and as usual, his genius mind was skipping light-years past the point. "What's the problem?"

"Did he ask?" Cameron asked, pushing his food tray out of the way and leaning across the table.

"No," Daniel said, and he drew the word out a little, in that 'you're being a moron' way he had.

"Then you're not supposed to tell," he snapped.

"He's my best friend," Daniel said, dismissively.

"He's my superior officer," Cameron said. "And this--" he waved his hand between them frantically, "is against so many rules."

"Jack isn't going to say anything," Daniel said patiently. "Jack has no problem with breaking rules."

"'Jack' is going to kill me, and no one will ever find my body."

"Don't be so melodramatic," Daniel said, rolling his eyes. "He's happy for us."

"He's not happy for us," Cameron said. "He told me when I took the post that I was, in no uncertain terms, not to let anything happen to you ever, which already, I'm not doing so well at. And while he didn't add this specifically, I'm pretty sure the not feeling you up part was implied."

Daniel sighed. "Jack is a friend, he's not my keeper."

"Says you," Cameron said.

"Anyway," Daniel continued, undaunted, "he's in Washington now, so you really need to stop freaking out."

"Right," Cameron said, nodding. "Right, of course. I'm safe for now, I guess."

Sam sat down across from Cameron with a swift nod for a hello and then leaned over Daniel's tray. She grabbed half of his sandwich and leaned back again. Daniel watched her resignedly, but didn't bother to protest. He'd pretty much lost anything resembling personal space years ago.

"Hey, did you guys hear?" she asked, as she ripped off a corner of the sandwich.

"Hear what?" Cameron asked.

"General O'Neill is flying in tomorrow," she said.

"Oh god," Cameron said, and then he slammed his head into the table, and left it there.

"What's with him?" Sam asked.

Daniel flashed her a sly grin. "Don't ask," he said.

-----

"So did you talk to him?" Cameron asked. "Did you tell him it was just a joke?"

"I'm not telling him it was a joke," Daniel said. "He said he's coming in for a meeting. Aren't you supposed to be a little braver than this?"

Cameron placed his head in his hands, and he didn't care if he was falling straight past brave and heading towards pathetic. "Jack O'Neill, Daniel, Jack O'Neill."

"I have met him," Daniel said with false earnestness.

"We're going to have to end it," Cameron said, looking up. "We'll tell him we broke up, that it's never happening again."

Daniel flipped to the next page of his book. "Okay," he said. "Good idea. When Jack gets here, I'll tell him how you broke my poor fragile heart."

Cameron glared at him. "This isn't funny," he said.

Daniel looked up smiling. "Oh, I disagree," he said. "You're getting yourself worked up over nothing. Don't you get how paranoid you're acting? You really think Jack is coming all the way out here just because I told him we've got a thing?"

"Yes," Cameron said.

"Jack is an extremely busy man," Daniel said, "and you're delusional."

"You say that now," Cameron said, "but you'll be sorry when I disappear without a trace."

"Not if it means I can get some work done," Daniel said.

"You could be a little nicer," Cameron said, pouting a little. "I'm putting my life on the line for you here."

"We're hardly Romeo and Juliet," Daniel said dryly.

Cameron got to his feet with an admittedly slightly haughty flare. "I'm leaving," he said.

"Alright, but maybe you should go find Teal'c," Daniel suggested sweetly, "you know, for protection."

"I hate you," Cameron said, and slammed the door. Daniel counted to three, and then the door was swinging open again. "Okay, I don't really hate you."

Daniel smiled without meaning to, and then the door was slamming shut again, with Cameron on the inside this time, and he was clicking the lock. "If I'm going to die, I should at least have a nice send off," he said, and he moved to the desk and pulled Daniel to his feet.

A minute later they were crashing against the wall and Cameron decided that this was definitely worth dying for.

-----

The next day, two hours before General O'Neill was due, Cameron was starting to worry again. He was just considering begging Landry to grant him a short vacation in the Land of Light when Daniel interrupted his thoughts.

"You seriously have to stop obsessing over this," Daniel said. "Jack's a nice guy."

"I've heard rumors," Cameron confided, leaning forward.

"Rumors?" Daniel asked. "What kind of rumors?"

"That every time you get involved with someone General O'Neill tries to kill them."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Oh, please," he said. "Jack has only ever wanted to kill three people I've slept with, and in his defense, one kept the rest of SG-1 locked in a mine, one was a mind-controlling Goa'uld and the other was a destroyer of worlds."

"You have such good taste," Cameron said.

"You're really not in a position to critique my tastes, considering," Daniel said innocently.

Cameron glared at him and slid down a little further in his chair. "Do you think we should tell Teal'c and Sam about us?" Cameron asked. "Do you think they would be on my side, or would they join forces with General O'Neill?"

"Wow," Daniel said. "You're really losing it, aren't you?"

"I could die," he said, and Daniel just shrugged. "Right, forgot who I was talking to. You've got dying down to an art form."

"If the Stargate program ever goes public," Daniel said, "Sam thinks I'll make it into the Guinness Book of World Records."

"You'll be in it more than once," someone said wryly.

Daniel looked up with a grin while Cameron tripped over himself trying to get to his feet. He stood stiffly, pulled off a picture perfect salute, and then froze.

Jack leaned against the doorway, crossed his arms, and grinned. "At ease," he said.

"You're early," Cameron blurted, not going at ease at all.

"So sorry to mess with your schedule," Jack said, and then he walked into the room and dropped into the chair Cameron had just left. He crossed his legs on the surface of Daniel's desk, and Daniel tolerated it with a kind of fond exasperation; he just moved his various coffees out of the way instead of pushing his boots back off.

"When's your meeting?" Daniel asked.

"What meeting?" Jack asked.

"You said--" Daniel started.

"Oh, the meeting," Jack interrupted. "Been there, done that."

"You just got here," Daniel said.

"We had it on the plane," Jack said.

"You had a meeting on a plane?" Daniel asked, slowly.

"Private Jet," Jack said. "Had a mini bar and everything. You save the world a few times and you get to eat macadamia nuts for free."

"Jack," Daniel said.

"Daniel," Jack said.

"Jack," Daniel said.

Cameron watched, fascinated. They seemed to be having a conversation, but without actually saying things. It was slightly unnerving, but he hoped one of Daniel's "Jack"s meant "please don't kill my boyfriend."

"Okay," Jack said, "so I'm just here to visit. What? I can't come to visit? We practically spent every day together for seven years and now you just want Christmas cards and phone calls?"

"Of course you can visit," Daniel said immediately, looking concerned in a way Cameron indignantly noted Daniel never seemed to use on him. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm glad you're here."

Jack smiled. "Good," he said. "So, I thought I'd come over tonight. We can get Chinese or something."

"Sure," Daniel said.

"Mitchell can come too," Jack said, nonchalantly. He glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "You free tonight, Mitchell?"

"Yes, sir," Cameron said, nodding a little too much.

"Good," Jack said, getting to his feet. "Because I'd love to talk to you a little more, get to know my replacement on the team, you know."

Cameron just kept nodding, looking a little like he didn't know how to stop.

"Okay, well, see you kids later," Jack said. "I got a meeting to go to."

"I thought you didn't," Daniel said.

"I'm sure there's one around here somewhere," Jack said. "And be there at eight, I'm getting too old to drag you away from your books."

"I'll be there," Daniel said easily, with a broad and blinding grin.

-----

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Daniel asked.

Cameron frowned at him. "You're different around him."

"What are you talking about?" he snapped.

"General O'Neill," Cameron said, "you're different around him."

"Jack is my oldest friend," Daniel said, "and I haven't seen him in a couple months."

"Yeah, but you're...you're like nice around him," Cameron said.

"That's because I'm the nice one," Daniel said. "In our relationship, you're the nice one."

"What if I don't want to be the nice one?" Cameron asked.

"You really don't have a choice," Daniel said. "I had to be the nice one for eight years. I'm so over it."

"So, what, you think you've built up enough good karma to sail through the rest of your life, or something?" Cameron asked sulkily.

"Not exactly," Daniel said, "but if it helps, go with that."

"You could be nice sometimes," Cameron said. "Or at least try and remember our anniversary once and awhile."

"We haven't had an anniversary," Daniel said exasperatedly.

"It was three months last week," Cameron said. "I waited up for you."

"Three months?" Daniel asked, eyes wide. "Really? Wow--but who celebrates three months?"

Cameron glared at him. "It was just a thought," he snapped.

Daniel nodded. "Yes, well, I guess that's why you're the nice one."

"Maybe I should just go find General O'Neill so he can kill me now and put me out of my misery," Cameron said.

"Okay, have fun," he said. "And would you ask him if he wants me to rent movies?"

-----

Just when he thought he was safe, Teal'c and Sam cornered him in sub level fifteen, and dragged him into a storage closet. "Hey," he said, "what are we doing?"

Sam poked him in the chest. "What are you doing with Daniel?"

"Ow," he said, pulling away from her. "I'm not doing anything with him. God, you people are all crazy."

"We have recently been informed that you have been engaging in sexual relations with Daniel Jackson," Teal'c told him. "State your intentions."

"Woah, hey, slow down," Cameron said. "Where did you hear that?"

"General O'Neill," Carter said. "He doesn't really prescribe to Don't Ask Don't Tell."

"He told you?" Cameron asked, surprised.

"He was under the impression that we knew," Teal'c said. "When he realized that we did not, he said 'oops' and quickly fled the room."

"We were gonna tell you guys," Cameron said, backtracking quickly and flashing them a smile, the same one that always got him out of trouble with teachers and lovers and, occasionally even commanding officers, who ended up setting him up with their daughters instead of following through with a reprimand.

"That look doesn't work with me," Sam said. "I've been getting that look from General O'Neill and Daniel and even Teal'c for years."

Cameron's smile slipped. "Well, okay, fine, but you can't be mad. You didn't ask."

"I'm not supposed to," Sam said indignantly.

"And I'm not supposed to tell," he said.

Sam frowned, conceding the point. "I would never say anything," she said. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt Daniel, or you, either. You've grown on me a little."

"Indeed," Teal'c said. "However, should you hurt him--"

"No one will find the body," Cameron said. "I figured that bit out on my own."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "I was going to say that I would tear you limb from limb."

"And then feed you to an Unas," Sam added.

Cameron's eyes widened. "That's a little unnecessarily violent."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much," Sam said. "Chances are General O'Neill will get to you first."

"In which case no one will ever find the body," Teal'c said. Sam nodded in support, and Cameron considered changing his name and moving to a nice little planet on the very edge of space.

-----

He's still shaken when he makes it to his office, so when he shuts the door to see Jack O'Neill leaning against the wall and lets out a girly yelp, he totally blames Teal'c and Sam. O'Neill smiled. "Rough day?" O'Neill asked innocently.

Cameron considered his options, decided running away was beneath him, and nodded. "How was the meeting?" he asked.

"What meeting?" O'Neill asked, looking genuinely bewildered, and Cameron wondered if O'Neill's way to mystery was to give so many contradictory answers that the truth was impossible to find.

"Never mind," he said. "Daniel wants to know if you want him to rent movies. He told me to ask. I was actually just coming to find you."

"Really," Jack said, looking rightly disbelieving. "You look a little nerved up, Mitchell, you doing okay?"

"Great," he said. "I'm great. Fantastic. Great."

"Good," Jack said. "How's the job? You getting along alright? Staying out of trouble?"

Cameron did a quick review of his missions, and couldn't think of one where he'd stayed out of trouble. "Of course," he said.

Jack grinned, baring his teeth, and Cameron noted distantly that it looked a hell of a lot nicer when it was aimed at Daniel. "Really? Teal'c told me different. Carter, too. Funny though, because Daniel gave the same answer as you."

"Well," Cameron said, licking his lips and sticking his hands in his pockets. "Daniel would know."

"Daniel lies," Jack said nonchalantly. "He knows I worry." Jack turned back to Mitchell and flashed another grin. "You wouldn't lie to me, would you, Mitchell?"

Cameron blinked. "No, sir. Maybe we have different definitions of trouble."

"Could be," Jack said. "Do you consider almost getting killed trouble?"

"I consider not getting killed good luck," Cameron said. "I'm a glass half full kind of guy, and we're all still here."

"Make sure it stays that way," Jack said, and his tone was a little darker when he spoke, but the light came back to his eyes almost instantly as he turned to browse the office. "You're getting used to everything then?"

"Yes, sir," Cameron said.

"Lots of cool stuff laying around here, isn't there?" Jack asked. He was smiling again. "They give you a Zat? God, I love Zats. They wouldn't let me keep one, but I'm sure Teal'c would let me borrow his if I ever needed it."

Cameron nodded, a little wary. "I've got one somewhere," he said. Hopefully somewhere locked.

"It's a pretty complicated process," Jack continued. "Carter could probably explain exactly how they work, but the basics are simple enough, don't you think?"

"Yes, sir."

"One shot stuns them. Very humane, even if it hurts like hell." Jack ran his fingers over the seams of his books.

"It comes in handy," Cameron agreed.

"Of course, if your finger slips," Jack said, "the second shot kills. Three and the evidence is gone like it was never there." Jack snapped his fingers to punctuate his point.

Cameron swallowed. "Yeah, it's something."

Jack rolled back on his heels with a nod. "Well, anyway, you can tell him yes."

Cameron watched him suspiciously. "Sir?" he asked.

"You can tell Daniel to rent us some movies," Jack clarified, as he headed to the door. "Preferably something with explosions. I don't get enough of those anymore."

Cameron fell to sit on his desk as the door closed. Jack O'Neill was a hell of a lot subtler than Sam and Teal'c, and that was the most worrying thing yet.

-----

Daniel walked into Sam's lab and immediately noticed the change--all conversation pulled abruptly to a stop. Daniel narrowed his eyes at his three friends, none of whom he trusted an inch. "What are you guys up to?"

Jack threw him a disarming grin, one that never worked on Daniel, but he always gave anyway. "We're not doing anything."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "You told them," he said.

Sam and Teal'c stared back at him innocently, which he didn't buy for a second. Jack just shrugged. "I didn't know they didn't know."

"Cameron didn't want them to," Daniel said. "Speaking of which, have any of you seen him?"

"I haven't seen him," Sam said. She glanced over at Teal'c. "Teal'c?"

"Indeed I have not," Teal'c said gravely.

"I've been swamped in meetings all day," Jack said easily. "It's like they can't get enough of me."

"You're all lying," Daniel said simply. "What did you do to him?"

"You're getting paranoid," Jack said sweetly. "We like Mitchell, don't we, guys? He's a swell guy."

"Swell?" Daniel echoed, disbelievingly.

Jack walked over to him, threw an arm over his shoulders, and led him back out into the hall. "You should probably go rent us a movie," he said. "Explosions, Danny-boy, lots and lots of explosions."

"But--" Daniel started, but Jack just grinned, walked back into Sam's lab, and shut the door.

Daniel bit his lip and then spun on his heel, wondering if maybe he should have been taking Cameron's concerns a little more seriously.

-----

Daniel went ahead and took off early, stopping at Blockbuster to pick up a copy of Die Hard and some popcorn. He was just about to stick one of the popcorn bags in the microwave when someone started pounding on the door.

He frowned and walked across to open it, and the frown grew a little deeper at what he saw. Cameron was in the doorway, fidgeting, and he was wearing one of Teal'c's floppy hats and a pair of dark, oversized sunglasses. "What the hell are you wearing?"

Cameron reached out and grabbed Daniel's shoulders, shaking him a little hysterically. "Is he here?"

Daniel's eyes widened. "No."

Cameron stepped inside, locked the door, and then leaned back against it, breathing heavily. "I think they're trying to kill me."

"No offense or anything," Daniel said, "but if Jack wanted you dead I doubt we'd be having a conversation."

Cameron pulled off the sunglasses and glared at him. "He was talking about Zats, Daniel, and how convenient they are for murder."

"Jack likes guns," Daniel said. "He was probably just starting a conversation."

"Yeah, a conversation about how he wants to murder me."

Daniel sighed. "He's just messing with you. Jack has an odd sense of humor."

Cameron spun around, and pressed his eye to the peephole. "How much time do I have?" he asked, a little desperately.

"Jack was supposed to be here five minutes ago," Daniel said. "So you've probably got at least five more."

Daniel grabbed the floppy hat off Cameron's head, grabbed his arm, and pulled him towards the couch. He pushed him down. "Jack can sense fear," he said. "Just act like a normal person. I got Die Hard."

"Appropriate," Cameron said. "Considering my coming fate."

"Haven't you like faced death a hundred times? Aren't you supposed to be the optimist? The one who never gives in?" Daniel asked.

Cameron glanced up, eyes a little bright. "You're right," he said. "You're exactly right. I can talk my way out of this. I can talk my way out of anything--"

Daniel cut him off, shaking his head. "Talking probably isn't the best way to go with, Jack, actually."

Cameron paled. "Right. Right, no talking."

There was a quick knock on the door, and then Jack was coming in, without waiting for anyone to open it. "Hey, kids," he said. He walked past Daniel and dropped down on the couch beside Mitchell. "What are we watching?" he asked.

"Die Hard," Daniel said.

Jack nodded. "Appropriate," he said.

Cameron's eyes widened. "Why do you say that?"

Jack grinned at him. "Just because I've always thought I was a lot like John McClane," he said.

Daniel sighed. "Alright," he said. "Enough. Jack, would you please tell Cameron that you're not plotting to kill him?"

Jack looked up at him innocently. "That's ridiculous. Of course I'm not." He looked at Cameron. "Wherever did you get such a crazy idea?"

Cameron opened his mouth, and then shut it again.

Daniel glared at Jack. "Don't try that with me. You've been messing with him all day."

Jack grinned. "It's just some mild hazing for the new guy," he said. "Who knew he would take it so seriously?"

Daniel nodded, and glanced at Mitchell. "See? I told you."

Cameron laughed a little nervously. "I didn't really think you were trying to kill me."

Jack put his feet up on the coffee table. "Of course you didn't," he said. "Daniel, where's the popcorn?"

Daniel grinned. "Coming right up," he said, and headed back to the kitchen.

Cameron let out a heavy sigh. "I'm glad we got that settled," he said.

"Yeah," Jack said. "Me too." Then he glanced over at Mitchell, and grinned. "You know if you hurt him you're a dead man, right?"

"I thought--"

"People that hurt Daniel have a habit of disappearing," Jack said casually. "That's all I'm saying."

Cameron sunk deeper into the couch. "You really are plotting to kill me, aren't you?"

Jack's grin was a little scary. "Well, I always plan ahead. Just in case."