Short Update - Officially Crazy
It's been a busy/hectic/awful few months for me.
I had a breakdown in October and the resultant string of appointments and consultations have led to a diagnosis of co-morbid ADHD and Bipolar 1 Disorder. One's scary, one's not.
The ADHD was actually a relief. Finding out there are reasons for why I'm always late, perpetually disorganized, easily bored and frustrated was an enormous weight off my mind. It also means that I didn't have to just live with these things, there are things I can do to manage them; I can be fixed!
The bipolar on the other hand... Well, I don't like everything about myself, but I also don't hate everything about myself, and some of the things that pigeon hole me into the bipolar category are among the few things I treasure about my stupid, jerkwad brain. Accepting this diagnosis and treating it is going to challenge everything I know about myself and the way I think I am.
It's terrifying.
But so is the suicide rate among the bipolar population. Looking back, I really don't like the trends I've seen in myself and my thoughts over time. It's been getting harder and harder for me to pull myself through my lows, and while I do think there's a lot of intersection between my depressive periods and genuinely shitty things happening to me, I'm also not able to rule out bipolar disorder with enough confidence to continue refusing pharmacological treatment.
Worse comes to worst, medication doesn't work for me and I'm back where I started, trying to white-knuckle my way through life with varying degrees of success. If it does work, though? I can't even imagine what that will look like for me.
I'm recommitting to healthy living with a special emphasis on brain foods and relaxation (i.e Yoga, meditation, and ugh, fish oil supplements. How do you even? They're monstrous!) to supplement the medication(s) I'm going to be taking.
I'll have a really boring "this is me on bipolar" blog set up and running sometime within the next week. Let me know if you're interested and I'll send you a PM with the address.
So that's me right now. Officially crazy (twice over!), but cautiously optimistic. Not really looking forward to the hyper-awareness and chronicling I'm going to have to do over the next few months, but wev. It's part of the process that supposedly gets easier and it will be useful to have a touchstone for monitoring improvement. I kind of wish I had a PA for my brain like I do at work...
...
No, that would be abusing my authority. Bad, Dani.
I'm going to be engaging in self care for the next few months and likely to remain quiet, but I'll try to check in with you guys periodically.
Be well :)
I had a breakdown in October and the resultant string of appointments and consultations have led to a diagnosis of co-morbid ADHD and Bipolar 1 Disorder. One's scary, one's not.
The ADHD was actually a relief. Finding out there are reasons for why I'm always late, perpetually disorganized, easily bored and frustrated was an enormous weight off my mind. It also means that I didn't have to just live with these things, there are things I can do to manage them; I can be fixed!
The bipolar on the other hand... Well, I don't like everything about myself, but I also don't hate everything about myself, and some of the things that pigeon hole me into the bipolar category are among the few things I treasure about my stupid, jerkwad brain. Accepting this diagnosis and treating it is going to challenge everything I know about myself and the way I think I am.
It's terrifying.
But so is the suicide rate among the bipolar population. Looking back, I really don't like the trends I've seen in myself and my thoughts over time. It's been getting harder and harder for me to pull myself through my lows, and while I do think there's a lot of intersection between my depressive periods and genuinely shitty things happening to me, I'm also not able to rule out bipolar disorder with enough confidence to continue refusing pharmacological treatment.
Worse comes to worst, medication doesn't work for me and I'm back where I started, trying to white-knuckle my way through life with varying degrees of success. If it does work, though? I can't even imagine what that will look like for me.
I'm recommitting to healthy living with a special emphasis on brain foods and relaxation (i.e Yoga, meditation, and ugh, fish oil supplements. How do you even? They're monstrous!) to supplement the medication(s) I'm going to be taking.
I'll have a really boring "this is me on bipolar" blog set up and running sometime within the next week. Let me know if you're interested and I'll send you a PM with the address.
So that's me right now. Officially crazy (twice over!), but cautiously optimistic. Not really looking forward to the hyper-awareness and chronicling I'm going to have to do over the next few months, but wev. It's part of the process that supposedly gets easier and it will be useful to have a touchstone for monitoring improvement. I kind of wish I had a PA for my brain like I do at work...
...
No, that would be abusing my authority. Bad, Dani.
I'm going to be engaging in self care for the next few months and likely to remain quiet, but I'll try to check in with you guys periodically.
Be well :)