Am I still an American..
Am I still an American if I utterly detest hotdogs?
A love of hot dogs, apple pie, baseball, and an ungodly ego are parts of being an American, true there are more bits and pieces that go on that list..
but, if I don't love hot dogs.. can I still say that I am an American?
the amount of loathing I have for these cylinders of meat-like goo is immeasurable.. most hot dogs are made from the left over crap sitting on the floor after a chicken, pig, and cow were slaughtered..
its the drek that they can't even use for dog food, cat food, spam, or tinned deviled ham..
one day a dude simply said, 'hey.. I bet if i shoveled this steaming pile of rejected organs into a very fine meat grinder and spewed it into a casing.. I could get people to eat it..'
I am sure his friend was skeptical.. after all.. even the stray animals refused to eat from that pile
yet.. his friend did as he said he would..
and thus an American trademark was born.. hot dogs..
don't get me wrong.. I love sausage..
brats, kielbasa, italian, braunschweiger, salami, polish, chorizo, knackwurst.. well.. you get the point
but sausage is made from yummy goodness.. not the slime we wouldn't even feed to an animal
it being a holiday weekend, most people gather eagerly around a grill.. invariably hot dogs are tossed on and I would rather toss a salad than eat most hot dogs.. they'll throw on a cornecopopia of meat and veggies, yet ever-present is the much 'loved' hot dog and I feel left out cause there is usually such joy in other peoples eyes as the hot dogs char up
and to be honest.. I'm not even that big of a fan of apple pie. There are much tastier alternatives, and being a rather tubby individual I have had many types of pie.. is that another strike against me?
am I another step closer to not being a true American.. am I another step closer to being Canadian?
then there is baseball.. and.. I'm sorry Rich.. although I used to watch it intently growing up it doesn't hold my attention.. can I be still be considered an American if I don't love baseball, hot dogs, and apple pie?
hellfire.. in WW2 American patrols used to quiz one another with baseball facts to ascertain whether or not that they were telling the truth in being an American..
its very disheartening.. I'm slowly becoming a hippie and now.. (chokes back a sob) and now.. my status of being an American might be in jeapordy..
If I'm not an American.. how will I know I am morally, ethically, and in all other ways superior to everyone else (that isn't an American)? I'll be lost.. I'll be left to wander.. I'll be unable to boast how much more uber-awesomer I am than everyone else on the planet..
yet still.. with all that hanging over me.. I still can't enjoy a hot dog..
I guess I'm going to have to take a second language course online and learn to speak Canadian..
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