I found my limit.. appearantly
so..
as few of you know
and others will thus come to know..
I am not the suave hipster that I appear to be on-line
that in reality.. I tend to be somewhat 'reserved'
the type of reserved that won't call up friends of 8 or more years cause I tend to think 'why the hell would they want to talk to me.. they have better things to do'
the type of reserved that can barely put together syllables to form coherent words.. much less sentences.. when faced with the ominous task of talking to a hottie
however..
I was sent out on a mission by roomie
pick up some mini-kegs of killians
he wanted one
I picked up two more cause I think they would make ba-dass lamps (I tried to find a link.. but.. failed)
as I was buying them a random hot chick said ' wow.. good choice of beer '
I turned..
was rather stuptified that a female was actually talking to me
and was even more suprised when she was rather hot
I replied that it was indeed good beer.. hurried to pay and scurry away
only issue was that carrying three- one point three gallon drums of beer is a bit tricky.. so I had to leave one behind and make a second trip
which was fine
as long as I escaped the hotness before my brain turned further into goo
then she came out carrying the third mini-keg/future lamp
and then I recognized her
wwwwhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
this was no hot chick
this was an old friend
an ex-wife of a friend
I simply didn't recognize her since she had lost a bunch of weight and was not dressing as frumpy as she had in the past (oh.. and she changed her hair)
so we talked a bit more now that I realized that this wasn't a hot chick attempting to rip out my heart, stomp on my soul, and mock what vestiges of self-esteem that I might have managed to cling to
since this was no hot chick.. I invited her over to catch up since we had not seen one another for three or more years (did I mention that I won't call people?)
she agreed..and.. a couple days later did come over
it was a friday.. I think.. its a bit hazy
no.. it was a thursday.. roomie was off at the american legion.. so.. it was a thursday
but friday I didn't have anything to do.. so.. frak it.. I popped one of my mini-kegs open with the plan of slowly drinking it the rest of the night
then she called from work (this is the part where she comes over)
I figure... 'whoa.. I better slow down.. lest I am an inebriated schmuck when she gets here'
which is highly unlikely.. since... well.. I am rarely ever a schmuck ( a sarcastic dick.. yes.. schmuck.. no)
even when I am non-sober.. I am still a nice guy
ti's a curse it is.. ti's a curse
she gets there..
we catch up
she has a couple of glasses since she still has to get home
I continue drinking cause.. well.. even though she is technically not a hot chick
she is still hot
and she is still a chick
and she is still at my place
and I rather enjoy avoiding panic attacks.. thus.. best course of action I found.. continue drinking
time passes.. I set up my hookah (tobacco.. I have this thing against breaking the law and going to jail.. I'm just too pretty to go there)
we enjoy ourselves
I continue drinking (hey.. I'm Irish.. its one of the few things we do well)
we continue to catch up
she explains what happened with her and her ex (she was ostracized by most folks since she got the divorce... have I mentioned how utterly backwards, retarded, and incomprehensibly religious this area is?)
I explained that I didn't care that she got the divorce.. she tried.. he tried.. it didn't work.. move on
I explained why my phobia of women got worse since last she saw me
and then I explained why I would never go to England (remember that thing I have against breaking the law and going to jail.. but, I'm Irish.. I hold a grudge and I'm a bit bitter)
I then explain that it was years ago now... and.. its all pretty much in the past
a little more time passes.. and she has to go
at which point she says she is dumbfounded by my 'I'm sorry I didn't know it was you.. hot chicks don't usually talk to me' thing
but she leaves having had an enjoyable time hanging out (and I managed to avoid a panic attack)
my roomie breaks out the monopoly board.. and.. I continue drinking
we play monopoly..
or..
we try and play
since by this point I am shitty and my roommate is shitty and his girlfriend/woman/paramour is the only one sober
I finish my mini-keg
I finish his mini-keg
and trundle on off to bed
(I think... I don't really recall going there.. but I was there the next morning when I regretted waking up)
as I sat on the love seat in a fetal position.. attempting to imbibe as much water as I could
I figured..
'yes.. well.. I supposed 1.1 gallons is my limit.. 1.3 gallons.. is just a hair too much'
or..
maybe it was the fact that all I had to eat that day was three turkey-dogs with mustard
but..
I'm leaning towards the '1.1 gallons of beer in one night is my limit'
Nix
as few of you know
and others will thus come to know..
I am not the suave hipster that I appear to be on-line
that in reality.. I tend to be somewhat 'reserved'
the type of reserved that won't call up friends of 8 or more years cause I tend to think 'why the hell would they want to talk to me.. they have better things to do'
the type of reserved that can barely put together syllables to form coherent words.. much less sentences.. when faced with the ominous task of talking to a hottie
however..
I was sent out on a mission by roomie
pick up some mini-kegs of killians
he wanted one
I picked up two more cause I think they would make ba-dass lamps (I tried to find a link.. but.. failed)
as I was buying them a random hot chick said ' wow.. good choice of beer '
I turned..
was rather stuptified that a female was actually talking to me
and was even more suprised when she was rather hot
I replied that it was indeed good beer.. hurried to pay and scurry away
only issue was that carrying three- one point three gallon drums of beer is a bit tricky.. so I had to leave one behind and make a second trip
which was fine
as long as I escaped the hotness before my brain turned further into goo
then she came out carrying the third mini-keg/future lamp
and then I recognized her
wwwwhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
this was no hot chick
this was an old friend
an ex-wife of a friend
I simply didn't recognize her since she had lost a bunch of weight and was not dressing as frumpy as she had in the past (oh.. and she changed her hair)
so we talked a bit more now that I realized that this wasn't a hot chick attempting to rip out my heart, stomp on my soul, and mock what vestiges of self-esteem that I might have managed to cling to
since this was no hot chick.. I invited her over to catch up since we had not seen one another for three or more years (did I mention that I won't call people?)
she agreed..and.. a couple days later did come over
it was a friday.. I think.. its a bit hazy
no.. it was a thursday.. roomie was off at the american legion.. so.. it was a thursday
but friday I didn't have anything to do.. so.. frak it.. I popped one of my mini-kegs open with the plan of slowly drinking it the rest of the night
then she called from work (this is the part where she comes over)
I figure... 'whoa.. I better slow down.. lest I am an inebriated schmuck when she gets here'
which is highly unlikely.. since... well.. I am rarely ever a schmuck ( a sarcastic dick.. yes.. schmuck.. no)
even when I am non-sober.. I am still a nice guy
ti's a curse it is.. ti's a curse
she gets there..
we catch up
she has a couple of glasses since she still has to get home
I continue drinking cause.. well.. even though she is technically not a hot chick
she is still hot
and she is still a chick
and she is still at my place
and I rather enjoy avoiding panic attacks.. thus.. best course of action I found.. continue drinking
time passes.. I set up my hookah (tobacco.. I have this thing against breaking the law and going to jail.. I'm just too pretty to go there)
we enjoy ourselves
I continue drinking (hey.. I'm Irish.. its one of the few things we do well)
we continue to catch up
she explains what happened with her and her ex (she was ostracized by most folks since she got the divorce... have I mentioned how utterly backwards, retarded, and incomprehensibly religious this area is?)
I explained that I didn't care that she got the divorce.. she tried.. he tried.. it didn't work.. move on
I explained why my phobia of women got worse since last she saw me
and then I explained why I would never go to England (remember that thing I have against breaking the law and going to jail.. but, I'm Irish.. I hold a grudge and I'm a bit bitter)
I then explain that it was years ago now... and.. its all pretty much in the past
a little more time passes.. and she has to go
at which point she says she is dumbfounded by my 'I'm sorry I didn't know it was you.. hot chicks don't usually talk to me' thing
but she leaves having had an enjoyable time hanging out (and I managed to avoid a panic attack)
my roomie breaks out the monopoly board.. and.. I continue drinking
we play monopoly..
or..
we try and play
since by this point I am shitty and my roommate is shitty and his girlfriend/woman/paramour is the only one sober
I finish my mini-keg
I finish his mini-keg
and trundle on off to bed
(I think... I don't really recall going there.. but I was there the next morning when I regretted waking up)
as I sat on the love seat in a fetal position.. attempting to imbibe as much water as I could
I figured..
'yes.. well.. I supposed 1.1 gallons is my limit.. 1.3 gallons.. is just a hair too much'
or..
maybe it was the fact that all I had to eat that day was three turkey-dogs with mustard
but..
I'm leaning towards the '1.1 gallons of beer in one night is my limit'
Nix