What we left behind
Title: What we left behind
Author: niwyiben
Pairing: past Zacky/Brian
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Was this where it was going right from the beginning?
Notes: I had this idea for about year and a half by now before I finally got to writing it down. One realization and one meeting was kind of inspiration for this. It´s my first fanfic in English, I hope the grammar doesn´t suck :) Hope you like it :)
Disclaimer: Don´t own the guys, pretty sure this didn´t happen :)
Dedication: For Dannie, I love you honey <3
"Hey! Is that you, Zack? Oh my god, ´s been so long dude!"
I turned to the sound of familiar voice. Fuck. Brian fucking Haner. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes or turn right around and pretend I never heard anything. I didn´t even know why. It wasn´t that bad when we broke up, no big drama, no fighting each other and no yelling and such. We were so fed up with constant arguments already, that we agreed that breaking up was for the best. But even then... it still hurt.
He sat down next to me and I silently cursed myself for sitting next to an empty seat. We sat for two minutes in this silence, that wasn´t least comfortable until he broke it. Maybe it wasn´t most comfortable of silence, but I just wished he would keep his big mouth shut. He never knew when to shut up. I wasn´t in the mood for small talk and I definitely wasn´t in any mood to talk with him.
"So how were you all that time? What have you been up to? Anything new? We haven´t seen each other since...well..." he trailed of. Why would he even mention it? And why couldn´t he say it, it is normal, people break up all the time.
"This and that... nothing interesting really. I´ve just moved few weeks ago and that´s pretty much it. I can´t complain. And you?"
Why was it that I felt so inappropriate asking this? Maybe it would have something to do with lack of interest in the answer to what I´d asked. I didn´t really want to know how he was or what was it he was doing now.
"Off to work. Can´t wait to spend another day stuffed in that fucking little office. At least it has AC, this weather´s going to fucking kill me. I hate summer."
Never would have guessed him as the office type. I couldn´t even imagine him behind the desk with piles of papers and laptop in front of him. We dreamt so much when we were younger, seems like only little of those dreams came true. In those stupid dreams, we would be always pictured forever together. Probably the main reason, why they didn´t come true in the first place.
I couldn´t think of what to say next, it was kind of pitiful. To be honest, I didn´t try so hard either. But why should I? It felt like there was nothing to talk about for fuck´s sake. I liked the silence better. I could pretend he was not sitting beside me, but still I glanced to the side from time to time. He hadn´t really changed, he looked the same. I was not so sure about his personality though. Was he the same person? Or was he completely different? I knew I would have no chance to find that one out.
I was so fucking annoyed, when he decided to fire another question at me.
"Do you ever think about... the past?" I could almost hear those words ´our past´ coming from his lips, even though he didn´t say exactly that aloud. Too obvious.
Such a strange question to ask, was my first thought, but really. What was there to talk about? We´d ran out of all the stupid conversation phrases like how are you, what´s new and we´d even talked about the weather already. We of all the people. We had our share of memories, that were only ours, but that was it. It seemed like we had nothing in common anymore. It wasn´t that long. It couldn´t have been, now, could it?
"Yeah, from to time. Always nice to remember the good times... But most of the time I´m too busy to be spending my time thinking about something, that won´t ever come back. The past is over. I have more important things to think about."
Brian stared at me for a few seconds before turning his face to look out of the window. There was nothing to be seen there but darkness, I was pretty sure, one of the reasons I never liked traveling by metro so much.
Another uncomfortable silence surrounded us. Yes, good old times. Weren´t always only so good though... Yeah, I never really was proud of cheating on him. But hey, as far as I knew, I wasn´t the only one cheating.
"I sometimes miss those old times."
I was sure I wasn´t supposed to hear that. And I was sure, he just wanted to ask some questions so badly, he want to ask why, how. How we ended up like this. Fuck, I didn´t know, really. So I was glad he didn´t ask. It would lead nowhere, but to another weird silence. I stopped counting them by now. I was so sure, he wanted to beg in some way. His whole body screamed so. I, however, wasn´t sure, what would he beg for. He didn´t know it as well. Either that or he just didn´t have the courage to do so. Stupid Haner with his pride, always gotten between us. At the time, I could hate him for his pride and manners so much. Now? I couldn´t care less. It was all the same for me.
As we were nearing the station were Brian would be getting of this stupid thing, I started to feel so relieved. At least I hoped he still lived at the same place, I didn´t think I could stand his presence for much longer. I felt like great and particularly heavy stone had been taken off of my shoulders when he stood up and relieved sigh escaped my lips. He looked at me quizically but then just shrugged it off and smiled somewhat hesitantly. One thing was pretty much obvious - we´d changed too much.
"So...it was good to see you, man. Maybe we could meet sometime to catch up, you know. Cell number´s still the same."
Oh god, was this awkward.
"Yeah, sometime. Bye Brian."
I erased that number from my phone long ago.
I´m glad. So glad, that it didn´t work out for the two of us in the end. I know, that in some ways it could be found as a cruel thing to say, as if I regretted time spent together, but that´s not true. We were happy together, at least for the most part. Maybe it would be different if it had worked out, but I just guess I´ll never know, nor do I want to know. Life can be so strange. And past can be so easily forgotten over the years, no matter what we think at the time, when it hurts so much. Nothing´s left, but memories. And that´s how it should be. That´s the way our feelings work.
Our paths crossed and parted on the way and by now, we were complete strangers to each other. We didn´t even have anything to say to each other anymore. Was this where it was going right from the beginning? I don´t even want to ask questions like this. They are so inappreciable.
Maybe we weren´t to be, I kept telling myself back then, not even half believing what I was trying to convince myself. Now I can´t help but think that maybe - maybe I was right that time. How stupid, isn´t it? I couldn´t help that knowing smile on my lips when I finally completely left behind everything, that happened so long ago with content feeling flowing inside of me.
I would never have thought that the time will come, when I´ll be so fucking happy that I and Brian broke up back these years ago.
.
Author: niwyiben
Pairing: past Zacky/Brian
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Was this where it was going right from the beginning?
Notes: I had this idea for about year and a half by now before I finally got to writing it down. One realization and one meeting was kind of inspiration for this. It´s my first fanfic in English, I hope the grammar doesn´t suck :) Hope you like it :)
Disclaimer: Don´t own the guys, pretty sure this didn´t happen :)
Dedication: For Dannie, I love you honey <3
"Hey! Is that you, Zack? Oh my god, ´s been so long dude!"
I turned to the sound of familiar voice. Fuck. Brian fucking Haner. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes or turn right around and pretend I never heard anything. I didn´t even know why. It wasn´t that bad when we broke up, no big drama, no fighting each other and no yelling and such. We were so fed up with constant arguments already, that we agreed that breaking up was for the best. But even then... it still hurt.
He sat down next to me and I silently cursed myself for sitting next to an empty seat. We sat for two minutes in this silence, that wasn´t least comfortable until he broke it. Maybe it wasn´t most comfortable of silence, but I just wished he would keep his big mouth shut. He never knew when to shut up. I wasn´t in the mood for small talk and I definitely wasn´t in any mood to talk with him.
"So how were you all that time? What have you been up to? Anything new? We haven´t seen each other since...well..." he trailed of. Why would he even mention it? And why couldn´t he say it, it is normal, people break up all the time.
"This and that... nothing interesting really. I´ve just moved few weeks ago and that´s pretty much it. I can´t complain. And you?"
Why was it that I felt so inappropriate asking this? Maybe it would have something to do with lack of interest in the answer to what I´d asked. I didn´t really want to know how he was or what was it he was doing now.
"Off to work. Can´t wait to spend another day stuffed in that fucking little office. At least it has AC, this weather´s going to fucking kill me. I hate summer."
Never would have guessed him as the office type. I couldn´t even imagine him behind the desk with piles of papers and laptop in front of him. We dreamt so much when we were younger, seems like only little of those dreams came true. In those stupid dreams, we would be always pictured forever together. Probably the main reason, why they didn´t come true in the first place.
I couldn´t think of what to say next, it was kind of pitiful. To be honest, I didn´t try so hard either. But why should I? It felt like there was nothing to talk about for fuck´s sake. I liked the silence better. I could pretend he was not sitting beside me, but still I glanced to the side from time to time. He hadn´t really changed, he looked the same. I was not so sure about his personality though. Was he the same person? Or was he completely different? I knew I would have no chance to find that one out.
I was so fucking annoyed, when he decided to fire another question at me.
"Do you ever think about... the past?" I could almost hear those words ´our past´ coming from his lips, even though he didn´t say exactly that aloud. Too obvious.
Such a strange question to ask, was my first thought, but really. What was there to talk about? We´d ran out of all the stupid conversation phrases like how are you, what´s new and we´d even talked about the weather already. We of all the people. We had our share of memories, that were only ours, but that was it. It seemed like we had nothing in common anymore. It wasn´t that long. It couldn´t have been, now, could it?
"Yeah, from to time. Always nice to remember the good times... But most of the time I´m too busy to be spending my time thinking about something, that won´t ever come back. The past is over. I have more important things to think about."
Brian stared at me for a few seconds before turning his face to look out of the window. There was nothing to be seen there but darkness, I was pretty sure, one of the reasons I never liked traveling by metro so much.
Another uncomfortable silence surrounded us. Yes, good old times. Weren´t always only so good though... Yeah, I never really was proud of cheating on him. But hey, as far as I knew, I wasn´t the only one cheating.
"I sometimes miss those old times."
I was sure I wasn´t supposed to hear that. And I was sure, he just wanted to ask some questions so badly, he want to ask why, how. How we ended up like this. Fuck, I didn´t know, really. So I was glad he didn´t ask. It would lead nowhere, but to another weird silence. I stopped counting them by now. I was so sure, he wanted to beg in some way. His whole body screamed so. I, however, wasn´t sure, what would he beg for. He didn´t know it as well. Either that or he just didn´t have the courage to do so. Stupid Haner with his pride, always gotten between us. At the time, I could hate him for his pride and manners so much. Now? I couldn´t care less. It was all the same for me.
As we were nearing the station were Brian would be getting of this stupid thing, I started to feel so relieved. At least I hoped he still lived at the same place, I didn´t think I could stand his presence for much longer. I felt like great and particularly heavy stone had been taken off of my shoulders when he stood up and relieved sigh escaped my lips. He looked at me quizically but then just shrugged it off and smiled somewhat hesitantly. One thing was pretty much obvious - we´d changed too much.
"So...it was good to see you, man. Maybe we could meet sometime to catch up, you know. Cell number´s still the same."
Oh god, was this awkward.
"Yeah, sometime. Bye Brian."
I erased that number from my phone long ago.
I´m glad. So glad, that it didn´t work out for the two of us in the end. I know, that in some ways it could be found as a cruel thing to say, as if I regretted time spent together, but that´s not true. We were happy together, at least for the most part. Maybe it would be different if it had worked out, but I just guess I´ll never know, nor do I want to know. Life can be so strange. And past can be so easily forgotten over the years, no matter what we think at the time, when it hurts so much. Nothing´s left, but memories. And that´s how it should be. That´s the way our feelings work.
Our paths crossed and parted on the way and by now, we were complete strangers to each other. We didn´t even have anything to say to each other anymore. Was this where it was going right from the beginning? I don´t even want to ask questions like this. They are so inappreciable.
Maybe we weren´t to be, I kept telling myself back then, not even half believing what I was trying to convince myself. Now I can´t help but think that maybe - maybe I was right that time. How stupid, isn´t it? I couldn´t help that knowing smile on my lips when I finally completely left behind everything, that happened so long ago with content feeling flowing inside of me.
I would never have thought that the time will come, when I´ll be so fucking happy that I and Brian broke up back these years ago.
.