(no subject)
So today I found out that the girl that I once loved with all my heart is pregnant and getting married. Sure its been yrs since we went out but we were close for awhile after I got over her cheating and I still had feelings deep down for her. Afterall some people just stick with you for some reason. Anyway I ran into a friend at Subway while eating lunch and she told me the news. It hit harder than I thought it would. All I could think about all day while mowing was her. Like I said I get a lot of time to think when isolated either on my mower or tractor and it isnt always good. So anyhoo I was just reminicing on all the good times from days of old...man those were good times, but now this is the ultimate closure....I mean we used to have fun when I came home from college and hung out and had fun at the bars and such and she was always the nicest person and kept going out with assholes. She used to call and talk to me all the time about her relationships thats one reason why I decided to go to college 120 miles away. I couldnt get over her if she was always around. But the funny thing is that at the bar on saturday I started to reminice while talking to the bartender...it was kinda weird. SO todya I was mowing and thinking a lot. I think that its really time for me to grow up I mean Im mature but in a lot of ways Im not...for insatnce my job...for God`s sake I have a bachelors degree and am mowing lawns for the family business, granted once we start mowing the roadsides money flows in but do I really want to do this for the rest of my life...I just dont know...Gramps still hasnt decided if he`s giving he business up or what..I think Im going to tell him that a decision has to be made soon, I mean Im wasting my life and education sure I make good money and if I owned the business Id be rolling in it...for instance the roadsides take 2.5 mths to do and we get paid $50,000 for them alone so it good pay, but its just so isolating and I miss having social experiences all my friends are scattered around this great country and my cuz is leaving in June to go to Florida...ugh. Also I gotta move by June 1st cause my Dad isnt renewing his lease and the waiting list to get in here is ridiculus...its based on income and you either wait or sublet illegally like me $350 a mth was awesome...he`s got a new place and all the places Ive checked on are either riduculusly high like $600 mth for a 1bedroom or have long waiting lists...so this is also on my mind but anyway there will be more on that later..Im just going to curl up and watch a chick flick and have a good moping session...I need a woman who isnt full of hot air...wait arent all of em....haha figured Id leave ya with a joke