fuck everything.... im getting drunk all alone... great.

[nitty9]

so
im gonna kill andrew. i've never wanted to kill someone so badly in my life. my boyfriend is not a damn competition. im about to break. i dont know what to do. and no one wants to hear this and i dont care. i love ryan gorski with all my heart. and i dont want to make him choose between his friends and me. so when he told me that jae and andrew and shay and some other ppl wanted him to go to divas tonight (the night that i was supposed to stay at his house mind you). i told him to go. because i'd rather lie and tell him i dont mind then make him choose. or influence his choose's. and everyone thinks i cant have any self control and that i would beat his ass. which i sadly would. so pretty much they all want to see him and not me. so how the fuck is this relationship gonna work if this is how it will always be. how am i suppose to lie to him and tell him time and time agien that i dont mind. how is this going to work. i dont know what to do. i feel like my whole world is being ripped away. and i dont know what to do about it. im crying.