"I always figured there was time enough. I never let it get me down."
Today was mediocre. I ignored some pretty important and serious issues that tend to regularly ruin my waking hours. I did things like think about a possible new job and watch bratty girls say "daddy I want [insert pricey item]" overandover again on My Sweet 16. I do adore how MTV creatively makes those girls look like complete idiots. Or maybe they are on their own and the producers tone down the magic and show us how it really is. Either way, I watch the show to brighten my mood, and it always does.
Driving to work was pleasant. Rain. Sun. Rain. Sunsunsun. Coffeeee. The kids at school could not get over how much they like me, which I find to be sort of odd, but flattering. They give me hugs and touch my hair and hold my hand when we walk down the hall. I'm going to miss them all sovery much. I wish my job wasn't taken from me. I'm going to soon have to come to terms with the fact that very little of my life is in my control. And how drowning in what feels like quicksand is only causing a quickening of my regression. It's all very upsetting if I think too much about it.
So...
under the rug it goes.
I chew far too much Extra Watermelon gum. It's going to become a problem, eventually, when I start buying 10 packs a week. You think that's absolutely far too absurd to be true, but it could happen, and actually, it's pretty damn close.
I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow, but not the day. I like lying on my back in bed with the music still playing and staring at the fan, feeling it on my face. I love getting up and stretching and brushing my teeth and seeing how gross my face is in the morning (seriously). I also like stumbling out into the kitchen and heating up water for a hot chocolate, drinking it in front of my laptop, then curling back up after I get re-tired.
I don't like circling the kitchen, debating on whether or not to stop in and just accept that I'm alive. I don't like my brother bringing all his little hoodlums around the house, because then I have to offer them food, since Shane is far too rude to do so. I don't mind feeding them, I just mind being seen. I don't like having nothing to do, but I feel I don't deserve to go out or dress nicely. Right now, it just isn't permitted by me.
I hope this weekend moves by quickly and I can go to the gym on Monday. Stockton College gym = free, but has shitty hours. Go figure. I run outside, but I love the drive. Gas prices must not be disturbing me enough. Reality check needed, please. I cashed in far too many hours of ignorance.
It's almost 10pm.
Past my bedtime.
Edit: I forgot to mention that Paula saved me something small but strong that will help brighten my mood some time next week. This is courtesy of Tulia and Heather. Even if it's only for one afternoon, I'm honestly relieved because I get to feel like THE WORLD. I'm thinking Thursday is the day.
Driving to work was pleasant. Rain. Sun. Rain. Sunsunsun. Coffeeee. The kids at school could not get over how much they like me, which I find to be sort of odd, but flattering. They give me hugs and touch my hair and hold my hand when we walk down the hall. I'm going to miss them all sovery much. I wish my job wasn't taken from me. I'm going to soon have to come to terms with the fact that very little of my life is in my control. And how drowning in what feels like quicksand is only causing a quickening of my regression. It's all very upsetting if I think too much about it.
So...
under the rug it goes.
I chew far too much Extra Watermelon gum. It's going to become a problem, eventually, when I start buying 10 packs a week. You think that's absolutely far too absurd to be true, but it could happen, and actually, it's pretty damn close.
I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow, but not the day. I like lying on my back in bed with the music still playing and staring at the fan, feeling it on my face. I love getting up and stretching and brushing my teeth and seeing how gross my face is in the morning (seriously). I also like stumbling out into the kitchen and heating up water for a hot chocolate, drinking it in front of my laptop, then curling back up after I get re-tired.
I don't like circling the kitchen, debating on whether or not to stop in and just accept that I'm alive. I don't like my brother bringing all his little hoodlums around the house, because then I have to offer them food, since Shane is far too rude to do so. I don't mind feeding them, I just mind being seen. I don't like having nothing to do, but I feel I don't deserve to go out or dress nicely. Right now, it just isn't permitted by me.
I hope this weekend moves by quickly and I can go to the gym on Monday. Stockton College gym = free, but has shitty hours. Go figure. I run outside, but I love the drive. Gas prices must not be disturbing me enough. Reality check needed, please. I cashed in far too many hours of ignorance.
It's almost 10pm.
Past my bedtime.
Edit: I forgot to mention that Paula saved me something small but strong that will help brighten my mood some time next week. This is courtesy of Tulia and Heather. Even if it's only for one afternoon, I'm honestly relieved because I get to feel like THE WORLD. I'm thinking Thursday is the day.