(no subject)
I barely slept last night. My throat hurt sovery badly and my ears began to ring. This morning was even worse. Throat not so sore, but my head was pounding. So I tried to get in contact with my aunt to sort of beg her to come tomorrow instead. But she's booked.
I forced myself to shower before my aunt arrived. Paula asked what we were all going to do today and I told her that she and Aunt Paula (yes, same name as my sister) would have to go to Atlantic City on their own, because I can't imagine being out and about with no place to lye down. Paula flipped out. Said she has been sick, too, but still manages to function. Did she have a headache like I have? I'm honestly not sure. But I got very angry with her because she implied that I was lying about how ill I actually feel. I screamed a lot of f-words and slammed doors. Then Paula said something she knew would hurt me very badly, which I will not type in here. This is the first time in a long time that I began crying. Hysterically. About five minutes before my aunt was supposed to arrive. My face looked/looks like a bloated, red carcus. If you can imagine.
Also, this marks the only time my sister has ever apologized for saying something mean. We have an understanding that we can say some fucked up shit to each other and just let it drop. Twin thing? Sister thing? Sibling thing? I don't know. It's an awesome, unspoken agreement. But this time the harshness of her words had nothing to do with cursing or how ugly and fat we call each other. It was a subject you just don't touch when angry.
I was far too upset to allow her off easy. So I told her that she wasn't sorry and blahblah. I knew she was. And everything is fine now. She is out with my aunt and I am hear feeling as if my upper body is swaying in the breeze. Dizzy.
I trulytruly hate what I've become. And I'm sure that's no longer a secret to anyone. So I don't give a shit about saying it on here.
That's all.
I forced myself to shower before my aunt arrived. Paula asked what we were all going to do today and I told her that she and Aunt Paula (yes, same name as my sister) would have to go to Atlantic City on their own, because I can't imagine being out and about with no place to lye down. Paula flipped out. Said she has been sick, too, but still manages to function. Did she have a headache like I have? I'm honestly not sure. But I got very angry with her because she implied that I was lying about how ill I actually feel. I screamed a lot of f-words and slammed doors. Then Paula said something she knew would hurt me very badly, which I will not type in here. This is the first time in a long time that I began crying. Hysterically. About five minutes before my aunt was supposed to arrive. My face looked/looks like a bloated, red carcus. If you can imagine.
Also, this marks the only time my sister has ever apologized for saying something mean. We have an understanding that we can say some fucked up shit to each other and just let it drop. Twin thing? Sister thing? Sibling thing? I don't know. It's an awesome, unspoken agreement. But this time the harshness of her words had nothing to do with cursing or how ugly and fat we call each other. It was a subject you just don't touch when angry.
I was far too upset to allow her off easy. So I told her that she wasn't sorry and blahblah. I knew she was. And everything is fine now. She is out with my aunt and I am hear feeling as if my upper body is swaying in the breeze. Dizzy.
I trulytruly hate what I've become. And I'm sure that's no longer a secret to anyone. So I don't give a shit about saying it on here.
That's all.