Endings and Beginnings
So, there is something up in the world. Chaos is consuming everyone and everything. I'm watching as the people in my life are fighting demons that they have refused to face last year coming and haunting them now. The man I care about more than anything is fighting demons from his past triggered by present events and I can't help him. Two of my friends are fighting the demon of each other caused by things from their past and neither of them knowing how to talk to one another. Both of my sisters are fighting things from their past, and whether the outcome turns out well still remains to be seen.
Me? I have a big one coming at the end of February...something from my past that I refused to face because technically the day has not come about for me to have to face it. I want to cry, I want to hide, and I don't want anyone to find me. I hate that this is a weakness. I should have overcome my fear with this already, but I can't. The biggest betrayal in this world is the pain caused to you by the ones you care about and are supposed to care about you. When they harm you it's like something in you doesn't understand the logic of it. The mind goes fuzzy and nothing really makes sense for a while. Especially when it's a betrayal of the body...
I hate February...Bad things happen to me in this month... Valentines is the biggest shit day I know of... I have never had a good Valentines... wait I did once when I was 17 and that was the last time I remember a good one. Most of mine there is break ups, pain, fights... I just want one to be simple... you know. Flowers, dinner, a movie...without damn drama! With Dave I have had those moments, but lately it seems so fleeting... not really because of us but what is going on around us. I really don't want to lose him over past shit and drama in our lives and the people around us. He is to important to me, to special, and if in the end it is his choice to go then so be it, but I want him to go because of it not clicking with us not the world coming in and sucking the lives out of us...and not because of the past.
Me? I have a big one coming at the end of February...something from my past that I refused to face because technically the day has not come about for me to have to face it. I want to cry, I want to hide, and I don't want anyone to find me. I hate that this is a weakness. I should have overcome my fear with this already, but I can't. The biggest betrayal in this world is the pain caused to you by the ones you care about and are supposed to care about you. When they harm you it's like something in you doesn't understand the logic of it. The mind goes fuzzy and nothing really makes sense for a while. Especially when it's a betrayal of the body...
I hate February...Bad things happen to me in this month... Valentines is the biggest shit day I know of... I have never had a good Valentines... wait I did once when I was 17 and that was the last time I remember a good one. Most of mine there is break ups, pain, fights... I just want one to be simple... you know. Flowers, dinner, a movie...without damn drama! With Dave I have had those moments, but lately it seems so fleeting... not really because of us but what is going on around us. I really don't want to lose him over past shit and drama in our lives and the people around us. He is to important to me, to special, and if in the end it is his choice to go then so be it, but I want him to go because of it not clicking with us not the world coming in and sucking the lives out of us...and not because of the past.