(no subject)
How is it, and I dare ask the question... that I am already back in a semi-depressed rut not one month after losing the girl who specifically taught me that I should never be depressed. That's quite odd.
Anyways, I've just kinda been sitting here wallowing in the first and last three minutes of every friendship I've ever had. I was just wondering what my regrets should and should not be.
In that time I've had a couple of oddly Hunter Thomson-esque thoughts pop into my head including...
This was like a funeral without the guest of honor. It's like I just left all my family and friends standing at the altar drinking very cheap punch.
I've also been trying to get a new relationship with God underway. I'm still not on the best of terms with the Alpha, and I don't do too well with the Omega either. But hey, I'd give all my friends and all my enemies another shot if they wanted to be a friend again, so why shouldn't I afford the Almighty the same luxury.
At this point, it feels like the winter was a blur. So odd, seeming as I had so much trouble remembering anything but Niche and now I can recall anything but her. It seemed so slow as the months were crawling by, but time spent sleeping on the couch at my dad's has been a lot slower. I haven't seen my mom in three weeks. You tend to forgive people after you haven't seen them for awhile. This is true of quite a few people I happened to talk to.
What else is there after this point though? I've got 5 more years of school for a job I'm taking just because I don't know what the hell else to do. It's a shame that there are so few rewarding occupations that one can sustain oneself off of. I know I just want to get the hell out of this state. It's killing me to be in Michigan, it's killing me to see the people I love wasting away, and once they're gone, it will kill me to stay here and look at what's left. I remember it wasn't too long ago that I was wishing for my own death to take me, but I now remember some promises I've made to a few people that I'm gonna stick around. Seems like so long ago all this shit was going on and I didn't even want to make 17, I'm a year older in 3 weeks.
Thanks for reading livejournalworld, I just had to spill my guts.